For those who have “cut other people off,” what did the person do to deserve it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

+2. There are 2-3-4 posters who have made the new Adult Children forum basically unusable. Every question about adult children is met with a screed against all parents everywhere for all imaginable types of abuse.

An OP's innocent question gets shoehorned into the same posters' personal situation, and the result is info that's unhelpful or even harmful to the OP. I could give examples from recent threads. I get that some parents are truly horrible, but what's also horrifying is the 2-3-4 posters' complete lack of personal accountability for their own conduct, choices, and relationships, and the way they egg others on to equally destructive behaviors. (I don't mean "personal accountability" in a MAGA way, but rather in a psychologically healthy way.)

It's DCUM as therapy, for those who won't or can't use a private therapist. It's not working.

[Anonymous]

My mom facilitated my step dad sexually abusing me.

[Anonymous]

This isn't anywhere near the horrific stories that others have delayed, but when we were going through my stepmother's things after she died, my stepsister said, " I made that jar and I want it."

My brother said, "Our dad's ashes are in that jar."

She said, "Oh, I'll just toss 'em out in the woods."

No drama from me. I have just never spoken to her again.

And,yes, this was the final cut in the Death By A Thousand Cuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

[Anonymous]

Lie, back stabbing, name calling. In short, mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

DP. Obviously pedophiles should be cut off. But you know very well that's not the problem here.

For example, on the "I called my mother 'unlikable' and cut her off" thread, where 2-3-4 posters are egging on the OP. A few other posters argued that name-calling wasn't a mature or productive approach and instead suggested that OP tell her mother calmly what's wrong and maybe work out a compromise about Thanksgiving etc. In other words, act like an adult. But they were shouted down.

The freaks in the Adult Children forum who can't contemplate that children could do anything wrong, so it must always be the parents' fault. For example, somebody (before you start, it wasn't me) started a thread about "my son blamed me to his therapist" and was met with a shrill chorus about how everything is always the parents' fault and the son shouldn't be expected to own his own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

Yup. A well-adjusted poster would simply point out that it's more than OK to cut off a pedophile. Instead, tons of unnecessary drama in that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the question.

You get one life, you don't need a socially acceptable reason for adding or subtracting people from your life. There are only so many relationships one can manage. Be kind to all but no need to get pulled by people who've intentionally done you wrong or who thrive on drama.

Basically this. I am not going to go into the various reasons I no longer see my in laws, the specific incident that broke the camel's back, the various attempts at reconciliation that were futile. But I will say that ultimately it comes down to self respect and bandwidth.

Life is too short to be around people who treat you poorly and there are too many other wonderful things to occupy your attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

Yup. A well-adjusted poster would simply point out that it's more than OK to cut off a pedophile. Instead, tons of unnecessary drama in that post.

I'm reading that thread right now. Can you please provide a specific example of drama? Because all I see are people supporting OP. Or is that what's making you upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

Yup. A well-adjusted poster would simply point out that it's more than OK to cut off a pedophile. Instead, tons of unnecessary drama in that post.

I'm reading that thread right now. Can you please provide a specific example of drama? Because all I see are people supporting OP. Or is that what's making you upset?

Drama in YOUR post right two above this one. Also, thanks for proving again that you're aggressively into provocation and drama, with your "Or is that what's making you upset?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

So, PP, just so we're all clear, the post above yours is an example of someone "instigating", "screaming and stomping", and "lashing out"? It is also an example of someone who "needs therapy"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

So, PP, just so we're all clear, the post above yours is an example of someone "instigating", "screaming and stomping", and "lashing out"? It is also an example of someone who "needs therapy"?

Not that PP, but "yes" to all the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

I don't need to give specific examples. Just read the posts. Read your post, for that matter. You're clearly instigating. I could cite post for post and you will still scream and stomp because that's your way. If you don't see that you're consistently lashing out then that's your problem. Either way, people like you are the people who need to get into therapy asap and start working on why everyone else is a problem and you're not.

So, PP, just so we're all clear, the post above yours is an example of someone "instigating", "screaming and stomping", and "lashing out"? It is also an example of someone who "needs therapy"?

Not that PP, but "yes" to all the above.

Fascinating. Thank you.