Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

If they don’t want to be seen as judgers or competitors why do they say things to overwhelmed moms like “cherish these moments, you’ll miss them when you reach my stage of parenting!” or respond “I miss little kid problems, wait till they’re in high school!” when someone mentions how they haven’t slept properly in days. Like, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

Also, empty nest trauma isn’t my problem. You came up to me and initiated a “conversation” about how you think I should cherish these days because you personally miss these days. Okay? Cool? Are you offering to babysit for the rest of the day so I can go home and nap? No? Then leave me to finish grocery shopping in peace. Don’t add your “trauma” to the list of things I’m supposed to care about right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

Also, empty nest trauma isn’t my problem. You came up to me and initiated a “conversation” about how you think I should cherish these days because you personally miss these days. Okay? Cool? Are you offering to babysit for the rest of the day so I can go home and nap? No? Then leave me to finish grocery shopping in peace. Don’t add your “trauma” to the list of things I’m supposed to care about right now.

Some of you moms sound so bitter and overwhelmed. I hope that you can get some help. Put on your oxygen mask first people, you have a job to do.

PS-for the mom whose kid keeps putting small objects in their mouth. Yeah, that is what kids that age do. That is why you have to remove small objects from their environment. I am glad that it sounds like she has come through it unscathed up to now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

I am on a facebook group for moms of high school/college/adults and it seems like so many parents have their identity subsumed by their children and then when their child is grown up they lose their entire identity. I think that's the real locus of their trauma

[Anonymous]

People learn and gain perspective as they age. They also put on rose colored glasses. This is no different than the people who wax nostalgic for the early days of their marriage when they were poor and ate nothing by ramen and lived on love. It is no different than the older people who will say to you when you are 50 that your knee replacement is just the beginning. It isn't trauma. Stop with the nonsense. You aren't the first parent to parent. Parenting now isn't easier or harder than before. You aren't special, your kids aren't special and it isn't trauma. If you call this trauma, you don't know trauma and it makes you sound stupid and hyperbolic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

Also, empty nest trauma isn’t my problem. You came up to me and initiated a “conversation” about how you think I should cherish these days because you personally miss these days. Okay? Cool? Are you offering to babysit for the rest of the day so I can go home and nap? No? Then leave me to finish grocery shopping in peace. Don’t add your “trauma” to the list of things I’m supposed to care about right now.

Some of you moms sound so bitter and overwhelmed. I hope that you can get some help. Put on your oxygen mask first people, you have a job to do.

PS-for the mom whose kid keeps putting small objects in their mouth. Yeah, that is what kids that age do. That is why you have to remove small objects from their environment. I am glad that it sounds like she has come through it unscathed up to now.

Yes- most moms of preschoolers are bitter and overwhelmed at trying to parent their kids during pandemic lockdowns, mask mandates, etc for the past 2 years on top of normal toddlerhood stresses. “Oh , get a sitter!” wasn’t an option for MONTHS. Remember? But sure, keep telling us how our problems are so minor compared to your problems with your older kids. Be sure to chuckle knowingly when you say it.

[Anonymous]

Some of you all just need to sleep train your babies! Once my babies were 5-6 months old, the sleep deprivation was over.

And yes, I'd give anything to go back and visit and cuddle my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers again. They are pretty good as far as teens go, but there is just no comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

Um, you tried, but nope. Empty Nest "Trauma" (give me a break) can be alleviated with phone calls, texts, visits, FaceTime, future plans, etc.

There is no immediate alleviation for sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and colic.

-Mom of college-aged kids

Also, empty nest trauma isn’t my problem. You came up to me and initiated a “conversation” about how you think I should cherish these days because you personally miss these days. Okay? Cool? Are you offering to babysit for the rest of the day so I can go home and nap? No? Then leave me to finish grocery shopping in peace. Don’t add your “trauma” to the list of things I’m supposed to care about right now.

Some of you moms sound so bitter and overwhelmed. I hope that you can get some help. Put on your oxygen mask first people, you have a job to do.

PS-for the mom whose kid keeps putting small objects in their mouth. Yeah, that is what kids that age do. That is why you have to remove small objects from their environment. I am glad that it sounds like she has come through it unscathed up to now.

NP. You’re a cow. Of course new mothers (or mothers of infants/babies) are overwhelmed. They are sleep deprived and are still personally healing from pregnancy and birth. Many of them ARE seeking help—from actual doctors, therapists, lactation consultants, nurses, and family and friends. They don’t need you prattling on, a total stranger in Target. Keep your “advice” and reminiscences to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People learn and gain perspective as they age. They also put on rose colored glasses. This is no different than the people who wax nostalgic for the early days of their marriage when they were poor and ate nothing by ramen and lived on love. It is no different than the older people who will say to you when you are 50 that your knee replacement is just the beginning. It isn't trauma. Stop with the nonsense. You aren't the first parent to parent. Parenting now isn't easier or harder than before. You aren't special, your kids aren't special and it isn't trauma. If you call this trauma, you don't know trauma and it makes you sound stupid and hyperbolic.

Wait- old people tell middle aged people “oh this is just the beginning!” when their bodies start to fail? Seriously?? I thought telling a new mom “get used to it, you won’t sleep for years!” when she is crying of sleep deprivation was cruel but apparently people just love to be cruel to those at earlier life stages no matter the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you all just need to sleep train your babies! Once my babies were 5-6 months old, the sleep deprivation was over.

And yes, I'd give anything to go back and visit and cuddle my babies, toddlers, and preschoolers again. They are pretty good as far as teens go, but there is just no comparison.

What great advice for someone with a two-month-old, when sleep training is not an option. No one wants your advice. If they did, they would ask for it. Why do you have to “cherish” your memories by speaking them out loud to new parents who are total strangers? You are free to cherish your own memories in your own head.

[Anonymous]

I've definitely had days where I felt like I was just surviving more than I was "cherishing every little moment." Especially in the past two years.


As a parent, I have to constantly be planning ahead and strategizing. I've had outings where everything went fine and it's just a huge relief that nothing crazy happened. It's hard to shift my mindset to enjoying the very moment we're together and be present and mindful of my children.

[Anonymous]

I desperately miss smelling my babies heads as I fed them when they were newborns. Do I miss all of the other horrible parts of having a newborn? NO. So I keep my mouth shut and don’t tell new moms how much they’ll miss having a newborn because chances are, they actually won’t, they’ll just miss a couple specific parts and no one wants or needs to hear “you’ll miss this one day!” as they’re knee deep in mastitis , PPD, and sleepless nights. Some people are either incredibly, densely self centered or purposely mean.

[Anonymous]

No. 1. I've experienced a lot of real trauma
2. I say it all the time to myself - whenever I'm frustrated that my dc is bursting into tears every time I put them down to do something but then she gives me a huge hug and snuggle when I pick her up - I imagine her as a teenager and take a moment to enjoy the snuggles.

I don't say it to other people that I can recall.

Although once I watched a mother's 4 month old baby as she ran to the bathroom in the park, baby was peaceful the entire time. Then she did the same for me and 13 month old. was screaming for the entire time I was gone. I told her this is in your future.

There are challenges at every stage. I don't miss the triple feeding/feeding challenges of the newborn stage but when daycare is closed and I can't find backup care I do remember that when she was a newborn she would sleep in my arms or nurse as I attended meetings. The constant vigilance required to keep a toddler safe, the constant activity, the separation anxiety etc. is its own exhaustion.

I'm personally not looking forward to worrying about sex, drugs etc in the teenage years even though it will also be good and exciting to see my child develop into an independent adult.

I get why people say it and it really isn't a bad thing. If it doesn't hit right in the moment - I just ignore.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like, from these responses, many people hate being told these things and some women don’t mind it but acknowledge it can come across wrong for others. I don’t hear anyone saying how they are SO GLAD when a stranger reminds them to enjoy the parenting stage they’re in, out in public. No one has said they truly love hearing this. So, my question to you moms of teenagers is this- if the best case scenario is that the young mom is not outwardly offended and just brushes your comment off…. Why do you keep saying it when you see young moms? What’s your angle?

[Anonymous]

It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.