Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

This used to drive me nuts! Good friend of mine used to send me her DD's old clothes, boxes and boxes of it! I never asked, never wanted it and it was annoying to say the least!
I ended up some kind of trash bin for her DD's clothes, which was a hassle I did not want nor need!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

Hi, it’s me. I’m UMC and I wouldn’t be offended—at all. I believe in saving money (especially on kids’ clothes, which are outgrown so fast) and making the environmentally friendlier option that is re-using clothes. That said, I always ask first if people want something and never assume, because if you assume and hand someone something they do not want, you are literally trying to hand them a chore.

+1 my kids jackets and boots are all top brand hand me downs from cousins. I’m not spending $160 on a Patagonia puffer for 4 months of wearing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if her family struggled when she was young? My MIL grew up in rural WV and had very little when she was young and she hates that I do thread-up, consignment, and hand-me-downs for my kids. Everyone is different.

Many people that grew up extremely poor want only "new" clothes for their kids.

[Anonymous]

It might also be that she has a friend or cousin who gives her more than enough hand me downs so she has a closet full and doesn't need more, it could be less about hand me downs and more about the assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

You only know new money, then.

Everyone gets a ton of new baby/toddler clothes and gear from family, friends and colleagues before and after birth. Kids receive more new stuff from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles at birthdays and holidays. People love to shop for baby and kids’ clothes. Other than a cherished christening gown or heirloom and hand-me-downs from older sibling to younger sibling within a nuclear family, doesn’t happen. People don’t have more than a few kids these days so they get more than enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if her family struggled when she was young? My MIL grew up in rural WV and had very little when she was young and she hates that I do thread-up, consignment, and hand-me-downs for my kids. Everyone is different.

Many people that grew up extremely poor want only "new" clothes for their kids.

Or people like new stuff for their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This used to drive me nuts! Good friend of mine used to send me her DD's old clothes, boxes and boxes of it! I never asked, never wanted it and it was annoying to say the least!
I ended up some kind of trash bin for her DD's clothes, which was a hassle I did not want nor need!

It’s hoarder behavior. They can’t bear to part with their stuff unless they are gifting it to someone they are close to. They just don’t understand that people don’t want their stuff that has been sitting in their closets, attic or basement for years.

[Anonymous]

Funny how it’s a SIL and not a sister. Some serious SIL hating going on in this forum. Smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

Hi, it’s me. I’m UMC and I wouldn’t be offended—at all. I believe in saving money (especially on kids’ clothes, which are outgrown so fast) and making the environmentally friendlier option that is re-using clothes. That said, I always ask first if people want something and never assume, because if you assume and hand someone something they do not want, you are literally trying to hand them a chore.

+1 my kids jackets and boots are all top brand hand me downs from cousins. I’m not spending $160 on a Patagonia puffer for 4 months of wearing

New money is obsessed with brand names.

[Anonymous]

What did she actually say that made you think she was offended?

It's super normal in my UMC circle to offer and take hand-me-downs. Especially baby stuff that fits for like 3 months max. However, it's also very normal to turn them down if you need them. My younger boy always has a packed closet thanks to hand-me-downs from his brother, so I turn down most offers of more stuff.

Is it possible she just declined in a normal way and YOU are the one who is unreasonably offended by the whole interaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did she actually say that made you think she was offended?

It's super normal in my UMC circle to offer and take hand-me-downs. Especially baby stuff that fits for like 3 months max. However, it's also very normal to turn them down if you need them. My younger boy always has a packed closet thanks to hand-me-downs from his brother, so I turn down most offers of more stuff.

Is it possible she just declined in a normal way and YOU are the one who is unreasonably offended by the whole interaction?

Turn them down if you DON'T need them, ugh

[Anonymous]

I've learned from reading this board that people can be offended by anything. I didn't need hand-me-downs, but was given some by a few people and was touched that they were thinking about me and my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've learned from reading this board that people can be offended by anything. I didn't need hand-me-downs, but was given some by a few people and was touched that they were thinking about me and my child.

Was one of them, by chance, your SIL because OP was clearly bashing her SIL and it would be nice to hear a nice SIL story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone isn’t a “hand me down” type. Some insist on new things for a “new child”. To each their own.

Why do you think she is insecure, because she won’t accept your scraps?

Yeah, I'm not a Goodwill person. I just can't do it. I'm okay with hand-me-downs from people I know. OP, you should have offered before you boxed them up and presumed she'd want them. Maybe she hates the styles you pick out. Maybe you're a smoker or have a cat and she's allergic. Who knows? But you should have offered before bringing the box, and you have no reason to be offended she didn't want them.

I can’t do it either. A college friend LOVES to shop at thrift stores, garage sales and charity rummage sales. She is constantly buying for other people: her family, friends, and sometimes me. Her house has become very cluttered. I am not a collector of household items nor do I like secondhand clothing unless they are a family heirloom or of cultural significance (I am multicultural). I stopped exchanging gifts with her when I saw that they all were from garage sales. Her mother (middle class) always bought her new clothing and kept a nice home so this is not something she grew up around. She has been through several losses so I think that may be contributing to her reluctance to let used items “go to waste”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

You only know new money, then.

Everyone gets a ton of new baby/toddler clothes and gear from family, friends and colleagues before and after birth. Kids receive more new stuff from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles at birthdays and holidays. People love to shop for baby and kids’ clothes. Other than a cherished christening gown or heirloom and hand-me-downs from older sibling to younger sibling within a nuclear family, doesn’t happen. People don’t have more than a few kids these days so they get more than enough.

Ok. Except a dozen people on this thread alone have said it does happen.