Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

You had great intentions, but should have asked if she wanted them, before bringing them. Hand me downs are weird in that it is less offensive the more you do not need them. People with money, think of it as passing things along. But if money is tight at all, bringing them comes across as you know she needs your hand me downs,

[Anonymous]

You can’t expect people to react to things as you would. You should’ve asked beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a nice gesture and nice clothes but I guess she wasn’t into it. That’s her perogative. Donate them or post them to your local buy nothing group. Im sure someone would appreciate them.

[Anonymous]

Team "You Should Have Asked First"

You had a kind idea but went around it the wrong way, OP. Next time ask first.

[Anonymous]

I always ask if people are interested first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone isn’t a “hand me down” type. Some insist on new things for a “new child”. To each their own.

Why do you think she is insecure, because she won’t accept your scraps?

Yeah, I'm not a Goodwill person. I just can't do it. I'm okay with hand-me-downs from people I know. OP, you should have offered before you boxed them up and presumed she'd want them. Maybe she hates the styles you pick out. Maybe you're a smoker or have a cat and she's allergic. Who knows? But you should have offered before bringing the box, and you have no reason to be offended she didn't want them.

[Anonymous]

When you have what you consider to be a gift to give, make sure the recipient wants it: otherwise, it is a chore.

“Hey Katie, I have a bunch of gently used clothes for Clara, size 4T, if you want them. Let me know and I’ll bring them to the BBQ on Sunday if you’d like them. If not, I’ll donate them. Thanks!”

If you don’t get a clear answer, don’t assume it’s a yes.

[Anonymous]

I would not have wanted your second hand stuff. The last thing I need is a box of them.

[Anonymous]

Op, did you also said it to her Infront of others?
Not everyone like used or want more things, no big deal! Just say hey sorry I should have asked you first to clean up the air!

[Anonymous]

You should have asked first but your SIL's reaction was a bit much. I happily accepted hand me downs from people but I was always asked first.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate hand-me-downs, but I don’t take them from one of my SILs. All of her crap has “cutesy” sayings on them like “I Only Have Eyes for Daddy” and no thanks.

ASK before you assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have asked first but your SIL's reaction was a bit much. I happily accepted hand me downs from people but I was always asked first.

LOL, you literally don’t know what SIL’s reaction was because OP didn’t actually share what she did or said, just her assumption and interpretation.

[Anonymous]

You should have asked first.

[Anonymous]

I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to have to haul them home from a friends house wither. Maybe she was embarrassed to be getting trash bags of crap in front of others. You couldn’t bring them to her house after asking?