Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

+1

Agree, this sounds like all the other fake in-law trolls lately. The same person posts them and it's so obvious.

+2. There has been so many of these threads complaining about SILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

Hi, it’s me. I’m UMC and I wouldn’t be offended—at all. I believe in saving money (especially on kids’ clothes, which are outgrown so fast) and making the environmentally friendlier option that is re-using clothes. That said, I always ask first if people want something and never assume, because if you assume and hand someone something they do not want, you are literally trying to hand them a chore.

+1 And if the OP isn’t a troll, I’m guessing the SIL was “irritated” rather than “offended” at being told she’d have to deal with a box of things she didn’t expect. I know I was every time MIL came over with a random box of things long after I told her our house was bursting at the seams with stuff.

[Anonymous]

I always ask the person first. Some people are strange about hand me downs. I was always happy to take them, but some people bragged about how generous they were giving you a bunch of clothes with stains and holes that even smelled of poo.

[Anonymous]

Do you know if her family struggled when she was young? My MIL grew up in rural WV and had very little when she was young and she hates that I do thread-up, consignment, and hand-me-downs for my kids. Everyone is different.

[Anonymous]

I loved hand me downs when my kids were growing and I bought from consignment stores too for the same reason. You can get really good, barely worn clothes that look great and are nicely made. And I grew up wealthy. It has no baring on who is going to end up being a precious snob and who isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if her family struggled when she was young? My MIL grew up in rural WV and had very little when she was young and she hates that I do thread-up, consignment, and hand-me-downs for my kids. Everyone is different.

That's so weird and overstepping on the MIL's part. I have friends who are all over the economic spectrum and passing around gently used kids' clothing and things like ski wear is very common. They grow out of stuff in 10 minutes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes. Just no.

You only know new money, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved hand me downs when my kids were growing and I bought from consignment stores too for the same reason. You can get really good, barely worn clothes that look great and are nicely made. And I grew up wealthy. It has no baring on who is going to end up being a precious snob and who isn't.

Bearing is the word you want, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always ask the person first. Some people are strange about hand me downs. I was always happy to take them, but some people bragged about how generous they were giving you a bunch of clothes with stains and holes that even smelled of poo.

+1 Disgusting what some people think is appropriate to pass along to others or charity. No one wants your stinky, faded, button-missing, hard-to-zip, stretched out, torn and food-stained seconds, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh oops, OP is long gone because no one thinks she did the right thing by not asking and simply trying to shove stuff off on SIL.

Nah. I just think it’s a troll trying to stir up another anti-SIL thread. Drops a post about something that supposedly happened 3 days ago (when a cook-out would’ve happened). Doesn’t give any details to support SIL being offended. Hasn’t returned. Just leaves the indignation to sit here and fester. This never happened.

Why is 3 days ago "when a family cookout would have happened"? Some people have family cookouts on the 4th but it's not like it's the only time.

I'm also a little confused by the comments that they should have asked before boxing them up. I box up my kids clothing as soon as they outgrow it. I had boxes of washed baby clothes in my basement for 10 years before the next boy in my family was born. I would absolutely throw them in my car and tell the baby's parent "Hey, I put a box of Larlo's baby clothes in my car in case you wanted them. Any interest?" I wouldn't be offended by "yes please!" or "no thank you!" or "sure, but my trunk is full, can you bring them when you come over next time?"

Odd to keep clothes your kids have outgrown for 10 years. Why don’t you just donate it to Goodwill or a needy family? Why does it have to be your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I brought my SIL a box of tons of very nice hand-me-downs for her 4yr daughter. (J. Crew Cuts, Janie and Jack, Nordstrom, and some from Target)


I casually mentioned that I had a ton of clothes for her in our car when I saw her at a family cookout and that I could give the box to her on our way out.


She was offended... I seriously can't believe this.


I grew up well off yet we still had hand-me-downs go through multiple cousins. I have always accepted hand-me-downs from friends with gratitude.


I am really annoyed with her for being so sensitive and insecure. Am I in the wrong here? She could've just said they didn't need more clothes and I would have been happy to donate them or give them to someone else. My intentions were clearly kind. How could someone get offended over this?

\
Did she ASK you for hand me downs? No wonder she's offended, you treated her like a poor relation. Just donate your scraps.

[Anonymous]

We're wealthy and I love good hand me downs. I don't see the point in spending money when I don't have to spend it. I grew up poor and I have zero baggage about it.

Does SIL only have one child? Sometimes (not always) parents with onlys do less of the second-hand stuff.

Shake it off and move on.

[Anonymous]

You are not entitled to the response you think you deserve. She does not want or need the clothes. Just don’t ask her again. Not everyone followed your same family dynamics growing up nor would they need to.

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to pass on a gently used winter coat or especially cute dress, quite another to push a whole box of random used clothes on someone and expect them to be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to pass on a gently used winter coat or especially cute dress, quite another to push a whole box of random used clothes on someone and expect them to be grateful.

To each their own. I would have loved it, especially if it was curated. From OP's post, it sounded like a curated box of nice items.