Offended over hand-me-downs

[Anonymous]

Can we end this once and for all?

yes, OP should have asked first
yes, some people like hand me downs, others don't. To each his own.

The big issue is what an a$$ SIL was about it. She could have simply just said no thanks and moved on. She didn't need to roll her eyes or send snarky texts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

It's not about the clothes. People don't share because they are penny-pinchers -- they do it because they like people. I guess no one has liked you enough to offer you hand-me-downs from their children.

Dumping a hefty bag full of your kids’ 4 year old slobbered on clothes for someone else to figure out where to junk is really about being part of the fabric of humanity? Sure, lady. You are delusional.

LOL I can see why no one has wanted to share the custom with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has gotten so nauseating.

There is one dork super invested in repeating the same observation about “new money” over and over again. We get it. You’re a loser pretending to be “old money” and relaying to the rest of us what that means… as it relates to hand me down clothes for infants. Give it a rest. Go back to your doc review.

More than one person. I posted one comment; not the others. Not doing doc review.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to pass on a gently used winter coat or especially cute dress, quite another to push a whole box of random used clothes on someone and expect them to be grateful.

To each their own. I would have loved it, especially if it was curated. From OP's post, it sounded like a curated box of nice items.

Curated? Are you for real. Let me guess, you carefully decant your kid's cheerios into a plastic snack bag before going to the park, right?

+1. Now second hand goods are “curated”. Lol, stop speaking like a snob.

I’m not the poster you’re trying to make fun of, but I “curate” hand me downs for friends— someone’s kid is obsessed with dinosaurs another kid only fits in certain leggings because she’s skinny. My sister “curated” her hand me downs to me because she knows I won’t buy a Valentines Day or St. Patrick’s day tee shirt to be worn one time and thrown out, so she gives me my nieces. Stop searching for reasons to be offended, and perhaps start considering the social and environmental impacts of your choices?

This is an anonymous forum. We are telling you that your use of “curate” to describe your selection of hand-me-downs is pretentious and inappropriate. If you say or write this way IRL, people will think you are ridiculous whether they tell you so or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, people, are you for real? Not everyone wants someone's "gentle hand me downs". They can afford to buy their kids new clothes. Just because you are a penny pincher, doesn't mean they are. Not everyone is into used crap. Get over yourselves, cheapos.

So she could have politely declined and moved on with her life? No one is saying she had an obligation to take the clothes. But the follow-up series of texts was totally overboard unless there is something OP isn't telling us.

We’re not getting the whole story. OP has been strangely unresponsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we end this once and for all?

yes, OP should have asked first
yes, some people like hand me downs, others don't. To each his own.

The big issue is what an a$$ SIL was about it. She could have simply just said no thanks and moved on. She didn't need to roll her eyes or send snarky texts

Interesting that OP did not mention any of this in her original post. Sounds made up to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's one thing to pass on a gently used winter coat or especially cute dress, quite another to push a whole box of random used clothes on someone and expect them to be grateful.

To each their own. I would have loved it, especially if it was curated. From OP's post, it sounded like a curated box of nice items.

Curated? Are you for real. Let me guess, you carefully decant your kid's cheerios into a plastic snack bag before going to the park, right?

+1. Now second hand goods are “curated”. Lol, stop speaking like a snob.

I’m not the poster you’re trying to make fun of, but I “curate” hand me downs for friends— someone’s kid is obsessed with dinosaurs another kid only fits in certain leggings because she’s skinny. My sister “curated” her hand me downs to me because she knows I won’t buy a Valentines Day or St. Patrick’s day tee shirt to be worn one time and thrown out, so she gives me my nieces. Stop searching for reasons to be offended, and perhaps start considering the social and environmental impacts of your choices?

This is an anonymous forum. We are telling you that your use of “curate” to describe your selection of hand-me-downs is pretentious and inappropriate. If you say or write this way IRL, people will think you are ridiculous whether they tell you so or not.

Well then there are a number of us who are being called ridiculous and will just have to live with the shame of it while doing nice things for our friends and families. I am happy that the worst irrelevant thing that happens to me today is a grouchy lady on the internet doesn’t like the word chosen to describe doing something nice for another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes OP there are some weird PP's that keep insisting that you were trying to pass off your junk, when you clearly were not.
You made an offer, and passing on kids clothes is so common that many of us have grown to expect it, and certainly appreciate it.
It's so strange that your SIL was offended, when a simple 'no thanks' is all she should have said.
Personally, Id steer clear.

You certainly don’t sound like OP…

“Gifting” people used clothes that were never requested is inconsiderate trashy behavior. You want my gently used underwear? How about a t-shirt from 6 years ago that my kid threw up on? Maybe I can interest you a pair of overalls, lightly peed in once at an amusement park but thoroughly washed since then?

LMAO

Omg I love you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Old white money loooves hand-me-downs. NOT new money that sees fault in used clothes.

I'm culturally vanilla, but dated a guy in a wealthy Latinx family for many years and their family would not be caught dead wearing second hand clothes. Same for my friends who are middle eastern.

Meanwhile, the English royals are wearing their dad's clothes!

+1. People who are offended by an offer of hand-me-downs are insecure about their wealth/status. UMC/UC white people don't have anything to prove and enjoy being able to feel like they are making a more environmentally friendly choice. Same reason all the UMC white people in Upper NW are driving around in Subarus and Priuses while the new money is splashing out on Land Rovers and Hummers to park in front of their McMansions

You completely missed the point of that post lol
It has nothing to do with insecurity for some.
It’s cultural. UMC White Americans may see nothing wrong with hand me downs but people from different backgrounds and countries would never.

I’m first generation and my mother never had me in hand me downs nor did we give hand me downs.
I had a few cousins that literally begged things off of me but I never thought to give them my old things.
If I wanted them to have something, I bought a new one for them.
Different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

I liked getting hand-me-downs for infants and toddlers, but by the time my children are four years old I definitely don’t want friends or family using me as a dumping ground for their old clothes. You mentioned the brands as if someone should appreciate your nice things, yet I don’t shop at any of those brands and likely might have a different style of clothing for my children.

I’m surprised you wouldn’t already have a read on your SIL since her child is four. The polite thing do is let someone know that your have some used clothes if they’d like to take a look through or have, otherwise you will donate. Do not assume they should be grateful to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t think of anyone UMC who wouldn’t be offended by gifting their kids used kid clothes.
Just no.

This has GOT to be a joke, right??
It's one of the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Not running out to buy something *new* to wear all the time, is one of the many ways that the rich stay rich.
My grandparents were extremly wealthy & exceedingly kind too, they devoted their lives to public service, giving back, and were very active board members of a number of AIDS & Cancer charities.
They ensured we went through cotillion, took etiquette classes, etc, and they would have been MORTIFIED to read your above statement.
They were enormous philanthropists, and they never, ever adopted the attitude that they were better than anyone else. My grandfather had a staff of 15 working out of the house running his campaign, and he put every single one of his employees children & grandchildren through college... including those that YOU would consider "the help".

The only people who acted like you, were the ones who "thought" rich people acted this way by watching Dynasty.
Just the idea of someone acting in this kind of snobbish, "better than" manner, was such a complete turnoff to them, and god forbid if they ever heard one of the grandchildren acting like this... we would have been sent to boarding school until we learned how to act right.

They would have known you were a huge fake / wannabe right away.

Only those who hope to impress others by buying things they can't really afford or social climbing, had such absurd, nonsensical standards for clothing.
You stuck out like a sore thumb wearing your million designer labels all at once.

Money may talk, but true wealth whispers..

I can't think of anyone UC who would act in such a snobbish way.

We grew up very comfortable / UC, and hand me downs were always running through our family!
I especially loved it when I got to be a teen, because my aunt would take my cousin on trips abroad to Europe every year, and while all I had for options around here was what everyone else in my HS was already wearing from the mall... but a few times a year she'd give me so some really cool stuff from Berlin, Paris, London that I couldn't get anywhere. I loved that because everyone else was so GAP vanilla... if they REALLY wanted to get a little crazy, they'd pop an accent color on from something at Benetton, lol.

However, before I was a teen, we always passed each other clothing to the cousin's just below us.
I loved getting my favorite cousins things who is right above me in the lineage; she's two years older than me, and she's always been so effortlessly pretty, kind & cool, that my self esteem always got a little boost when I'd wear something of hers. 😊

She is still one of THE coolest, kindest and most awesome people I know, and now our kids hand me down clothing to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we end this once and for all?

yes, OP should have asked first
yes, some people like hand me downs, others don't. To each his own.

The big issue is what an a$$ SIL was about it. She could have simply just said no thanks and moved on. She didn't need to roll her eyes or send snarky texts

This is the right answer (although I would argue that OP did actually ask- the asking was what offended SIL)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I liked getting hand-me-downs for infants and toddlers, but by the time my children are four years old I definitely don’t want friends or family using me as a dumping ground for their old clothes. You mentioned the brands as if someone should appreciate your nice things, yet I don’t shop at any of those brands and likely might have a different style of clothing for my children.

I’m surprised you wouldn’t already have a read on your SIL since her child is four. The polite thing do is let someone know that your have some used clothes if they’d like to take a look through or have, otherwise you will donate. Do not assume they should be grateful to have them.

Based on OP’s follow up, this is exactly what she did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has gotten so nauseating.

There is one dork super invested in repeating the same observation about “new money” over and over again. We get it. You’re a loser pretending to be “old money” and relaying to the rest of us what that means… as it relates to hand me down clothes for infants. Give it a rest. Go back to your doc review.

More than one person. I posted one comment; not the others. Not doing doc review.

A lot of people seem to have confirmed that it’s at least a cultural difference between people who grew up umc/uc white, and others.

[Anonymous]

When you pass on hand me downs you filter out the torn and stained and worn out crap, obviously. You pass on only the barely worn things, that can pass for nearly new. Everyone knows this. You don't want a baby's onesie stained in puke etc you want a clean one.

I think this is obvious to those of us who like getting hand-me-downs and who know what to pass along to others.

What is bizarre is the people assuming all hand me downs have already been worn by multiple kids and are ruined. Those clothes should go in recycling bins.