Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Are you math-challenged? Someone who had kids at 22/23/24/25 will be an empty-nester in their early forties.

Go back and reread the post. It was about getting knocked up in high school or college and dropping out to raise kids. If you think 25 is high school aged then perhaps you are still getting your GED?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Where did I say they’re 41? I didn’t.

I’m 55 and didn’t grow up here. You realize not everywhere is like DC, right?

You responded to the early 40s poster with an irrelevant post. I know lots of people who had kids in their 20s and are empty nesters now in their 50s too, but that's not what the post was about.

The OP is asking about the experiences of people in their 40s and 50s. She’s asking about regrets. The PP is barely in her 40s and has young kids, but it was okay for her to answer, right? Having had kids around 40 and being in my 50s, is it okay with you if I share my perspective, or no?

I know we all like to pretend our DC experience is universal, but it’s not. I know we all like to assume our kids will have a smooth path to college and independent adulthood, but they don’t. I felt very differently about this at 41 with a toddler than I do now. But by all means, shut me down so the OP doesn’t hear a different perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Are you math-challenged? Someone who had kids at 22/23/24/25 will be an empty-nester in their early forties.

Thanks, PP. That was my point. It’s pretty normal for people in most parts of the country to be empty-nesters in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

I’m 51 with a 9 year old. I don’t regret him for a minute but I do of course wish I had been younger when I had him. It terrifies me that I may die soon, or my husband may. So many of our friends are dying in their 60s. I do t want yo leave him alone in the world as such a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Where did I say they’re 41? I didn’t.

I’m 55 and didn’t grow up here. You realize not everywhere is like DC, right?

You responded to the early 40s poster with an irrelevant post. I know lots of people who had kids in their 20s and are empty nesters now in their 50s too, but that's not what the post was about.

The OP is asking about the experiences of people in their 40s and 50s. She’s asking about regrets. The PP is barely in her 40s and has young kids, but it was okay for her to answer, right? Having had kids around 40 and being in my 50s, is it okay with you if I share my perspective, or no?

I know we all like to pretend our DC experience is universal, but it’s not. I know we all like to assume our kids will have a smooth path to college and independent adulthood, but they don’t. I felt very differently about this at 41 with a toddler than I do now. But by all means, shut me down so the OP doesn’t hear a different perspective.

Sure, you're allowed to comment on the thread. When you want to make a new post that is unrelated to another, be sure not to use the quote function. Nobody's trying to shut you down because you're an older mom who doesn't like being an older mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

Same. My parents were 38 and 45 when I was born and had both died by the time I was 28. It was rough on me and my kids won’t know their grandparents on my side. It did motivate me to have kids young, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Are you math-challenged? Someone who had kids at 22/23/24/25 will be an empty-nester in their early forties.

Thanks, PP. That was my point. It’s pretty normal for people in most parts of the country to be empty-nesters in their 40s.

I'm from Kentucky. It's typical for people in their late 40s to be empty nesters. If they are empty nesters in early 40s they are usually very religious or lower SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

Same. My parents were 38 and 45 when I was born and had both died by the time I was 28. It was rough on me and my kids won’t know their grandparents on my side. It did motivate me to have kids young, though.

38 doesn't seem too old to me to have kids. Maybe not much older, but 38 is still a good age to have kids IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

Same. My parents were 38 and 45 when I was born and had both died by the time I was 28. It was rough on me and my kids won’t know their grandparents on my side. It did motivate me to have kids young, though.

That sounds hard. I'm so sorry that happened.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws were 36 and 38 when they had my DH, who is now 40 and they are alive and kicking. In fact, they are taking our kids camping next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

Same. My parents were 38 and 45 when I was born and had both died by the time I was 28. It was rough on me and my kids won’t know their grandparents on my side. It did motivate me to have kids young, though.

Surely you realize that late 60s is a fairly young age to die nowadays, right?

[Anonymous]

I am 45 with 6 and 9 year olds. I have always been a little pissed that my husband made me wait 3 years before we started having kids, but we didn't meet until I was 31 and get married until I was 33, so having kids late in life was my only option. If I'd met a potential spouse earlier in life I very much would have liked to have had my children earlier.

[Anonymous]

OP - what financial issues is causing you to wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

Same. My parents were 38 and 45 when I was born and had both died by the time I was 28. It was rough on me and my kids won’t know their grandparents on my side. It did motivate me to have kids young, though.

Surely you realize that late 60s is a fairly young age to die nowadays, right?

Yeah, but those are the genes I’m working with and I want as much time with my family as possible. So I had 2 kids by 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Are you math-challenged? Someone who had kids at 22/23/24/25 will be an empty-nester in their early forties.

If by empty nester you mean your child has graduated college, then no. If the most important thing is getting your kid married off at 18 to make more babies, then yes.