Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Had one at 36 and I am tired and ready to be an empty nester at 48. I sometimes feel distressed that I still have a ways to go until college. It took years to have him and I love him more than anything but being an old parent is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

As an older parent it is always good to hear the child's perspective. Thanks for sharing.

+1 I am also the child of older parents and it was really, really hard.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

My college roommate had her kids at 25 and 27--and the second child has autism. it can happen at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

This. This is what - as older parents - I am hoping for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

[Anonymous]

So, I had my youngest at 43. That dc is 11 years younger than the next oldest, so all my kids are adults except 7yo.

For me, it's been so much fun! I have less energy, true, but more money and (some) time. I work a physical job so I'm pretty active anyways. I love getting to experience life with this kid!

My dc does have autism-and a gifted iq-they're amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I know parents of other kids with SN who are my age, and who are much younger. I am taking steps to financially provide for this dc if I was to pass away, although they may very well live independently or mostly so.

My parents are alive (at mid and late 70's) and have a great relationship with dc. I'm so grateful for that and am aware that many people my age do not have that.

No regrets here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

NP here. That seems doubtful but do you really have kids young so they can play with their grandparents? I’d rather give my kids relaxed and established parents. The idea of having a retired dad with teenagers sounds good to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

NP, and yes. Took the to the beach and built sandcastles, traveled, watched them for a few weeks each summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: So, I had my youngest at 43. That dc is 11 years younger than the next oldest, so all my kids are adults except 7yo.

For me, it's been so much fun! I have less energy, true, but more money and (some) time. I work a physical job so I'm pretty active anyways. I love getting to experience life with this kid!

My dc does have autism-and a gifted iq-they're amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I know parents of other kids with SN who are my age, and who are much younger. I am taking steps to financially provide for this dc if I was to pass away, although they may very well live independently or mostly so.

My parents are alive (at mid and late 70's) and have a great relationship with dc. I'm so grateful for that and am aware that many people my age do not have that.

No regrets here!

2nd marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

NP, and yes. Took the to the beach and built sandcastles, traveled, watched them for a few weeks each summer.

In THEIR 90s? Liar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, I had my youngest at 43. That dc is 11 years younger than the next oldest, so all my kids are adults except 7yo.

For me, it's been so much fun! I have less energy, true, but more money and (some) time. I work a physical job so I'm pretty active anyways. I love getting to experience life with this kid!

My dc does have autism-and a gifted iq-they're amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I know parents of other kids with SN who are my age, and who are much younger. I am taking steps to financially provide for this dc if I was to pass away, although they may very well live independently or mostly so.

My parents are alive (at mid and late 70's) and have a great relationship with dc. I'm so grateful for that and am aware that many people my age do not have that.

No regrets here!

2nd marriage?

No, late in life baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

My college roommate had her kids at 25 and 27--and the second child has autism. it can happen at any age.

Would you shut up with that? Everyone know this already and no one said only older mothers have kids with autism. Shut up! It’s the risk goes up as the mother ages with pregnancy. Stupid.

Wow, you are rude! I really hope you do not have kids to pass that on to.

NP. The irony is that you are equally and maybe even more rude to use a child as a prop with your insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with established older parents (mom was 52 and dad 57) and I loved it. Like another poster wrote, my mom and dad were so chill! I was 39 and 41 when I had my kids and also felt ready and relaxed about having them. My dad was retired when I started playing sports and came to every single one of my practices and games. All my friends knew him. My mom continued to work but only part time (therapist) and always had time to be completely involved in my school and PTA. I hope to be the same with my kids.

So your parents were in their 90s when your kids were born? Were they able to do all the typical grandparent things with your kids?

NP here. That seems doubtful but do you really have kids young so they can play with their grandparents? I’d rather give my kids relaxed and established parents. The idea of having a retired dad with teenagers sounds good to me.

+2. Plus lots of us have you get parents who have ZERO interest to do the “typical grandparent things” with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

Interesting perspective. I am in my early 40s with two kids in Pre-K and 1st. The only empty nesters I know who are my age either got knocked up in high school or college, and most dropped out; life was hard for them and for their kids. I wouldn't trade places with them.

I had mine later in life but I know many college graduates who had their kids in their 20s and have had really great lives. Still married, empty nesters, quite happy. Their kids are happy.

You know lots of 41-year-old happily married empty nesters who are also college graduates and whose kids have graduated college too? BS.

Are you math-challenged? Someone who had kids at 22/23/24/25 will be an empty-nester in their early forties.

Go back and reread the post. It was about getting knocked up in high school or college and dropping out to raise kids. If you think 25 is high school aged then perhaps you are still getting your GED?

Don’t embarrass yourself further.