Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple: it's better to have kids young. Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances. All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the parents, not the kids. If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did. We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30. Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs. And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition. To the contrary, they thrived.

That’s entirely untrue. I had young parents. They were perpetually stressed about money, and had mediocre emotional regulation at best. They mellowed out a lot when they got older and matured. They should’ve waited 10 years and my sister and I might’ve had a better childhood.

That's interesting. So you would be OK with having your parents die ten years earlier for you if it meant a better childhood?

seems like a no brainer? childhood is more important.

Wouldn't that depend on the hypothetical degree of improvement? Like, a 20% better? 15% better? 40% better? How many years of your parents' life is that worth? What would that sound like? "I'd be OK losing my mother at 35 instead of 45 if it meant she'd yell less and bought me better shoes."? Like this? Or something else?

Having children when you are broke and immature just so you can have grandparents young enough to babysit is twisted.

Most people in their 20s aren't great parents. Most marriages don't survive when they have kids that young.

Simple facts.

It's not facts. The majority of people around the world have children in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this board so blithely say that people can have kids into their 40s. I mean, obviously they can. But it's so, so sad. None of the kids of such people have grandparents (or won't have them for long). And those people won't be involved with their grandchildren in turn. It's a crazy huge cultural shift that no one acknowledges.

It's more than just about grandparents, too. You're setting your children up to lose you so young. It's impossibly twisted and I wish people would think twice about having kids so late. But this board is all sunshine and roses, even for 45 yos (!!).

100%

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on this board so blithely say that people can have kids into their 40s. I mean, obviously they can. But it's so, so sad. None of the kids of such people have grandparents (or won't have them for long). And those people won't be involved with their grandchildren in turn. It's a crazy huge cultural shift that no one acknowledges.

It's more than just about grandparents, too. You're setting your children up to lose you so young. It's impossibly twisted and I wish people would think twice about having kids so late. But this board is all sunshine and roses, even for 45 yos (!!).

100%

+1000

Might as well just shoot yourself if you're not done having kids by 35.

Mind your own business. People used to live to the ripe old age of 50 not thag long ago. Now we're pushing 85 on average for the DCUM demographic. That's a long life. Anyone can die younger of course. My maternal grandma died at 35 (breast cancer), DH's dad died at 50 despite having DH at 25. Everyone else reached very old age.

There are no guarantees in life and your way isn't the only way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over here kind of amused that so many people are “so, so sad” over some women’s choices to have kids in their 40s. I’m over here with my popcorn as a 42 year old thinking about trying for a third. Because I kinda feel like it, and my two toddlers are so cute. I know, I know. Twisted! Selfish!

I'm the poster who said I was sorry for another poster's young parents being "immature." I'm sorry that you are, too.

They're human beings, not puppies or kittens. You sound like you're ten years old.

Funny enough, my husband and I often refer to the kids as “the kittens”.

I prefer “young at heart” but “ten years old” is fine too. You are starting to sound kind of gloomy, feeling sorry for all these strangers! I suggest not taking the lives of randoms on the internet so seriously. They don’t care and surely you know you aren’t making a difference in their lives by commenting on their reproductive choices. Deep breaths! Clearly this thread is bringing up all sorts of negative feelings in you.

You and your husband both sound a little nutty. Maybe that's why it took so long for you to find each other?

Man, you are really striking out. We met and got together at age 24! Just chose to delay having kids. It was fun being DINKs. But… I will take nutty and immature, over the bitterness you’re spewing all over this thread.

Seriously, why are you so triggered over the choices of people you have never met? I have friends that had kids at 20, friends that are pregnant currently in their 40s, and friends who are child free by choice. It has never occurred to me to feel any type of way about their lives… because it’s not a “one size fits all” decision. I am genuinely curious why you feel the need to squeeze everyone into a neat little box and melt down in the internet when you can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are three types of women who have kids later in life.

1. Those who for whatever reason couldn't find a suitable partner earlier.
2. Those with fertility problems.
3. Those who deliberately put having kids off until they felt "financially and professionally secure" or "mature."

I'm ok with (1) and (2). I think (3) is a mistake.

Just my opinion.

I had my child in my late 40s after years of fertility treatments, miscarriages and failed adoptions.You are absolutely right on reasons 1 and 2.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Became a mom at 39. While it was a hard road to parenthood, I see the difference with other moms who will constantly complain about small things. I just never felt drawn to that culture.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband had their first kids at 23 and 26. They are bitter, had to a of help and have never been able to manage on their own. I look at them as what not to be.

[Anonymous]

Had my child at 42. No fertility issues, just got a late start. The only regret is that DC doesn't have a sibling. I regret starting so late.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know that had kids in their 20s is divorced, so I'm good. Thx harpies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple: it's better to have kids young. Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances. All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the parents, not the kids. If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did. We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30. Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs. And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition. To the contrary, they thrived.

That’s entirely untrue. I had young parents. They were perpetually stressed about money, and had mediocre emotional regulation at best. They mellowed out a lot when they got older and matured. They should’ve waited 10 years and my sister and I might’ve had a better childhood.

That's interesting. So you would be OK with having your parents die ten years earlier for you if it meant a better childhood?

seems like a no brainer? childhood is more important.

Wouldn't that depend on the hypothetical degree of improvement? Like, a 20% better? 15% better? 40% better? How many years of your parents' life is that worth? What would that sound like? "I'd be OK losing my mother at 35 instead of 45 if it meant she'd yell less and bought me better shoes."? Like this? Or something else?

Having children when you are broke and immature just so you can have grandparents young enough to babysit is twisted.

Most people in their 20s aren't great parents. Most marriages don't survive when they have kids that young.

Simple facts.

It's not facts. The majority of people around the world have children in their 20s.

The majority of people in this country have children in their 20s. DC (and other urban areas) are the anomaly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here we go with this same tired old topic again.

Look, the bottom line is simple: it's better to have kids young. Biology prefers it for a reason.

Of course older mothers are going to disagree, because they have to validate their choices or circumstances. All of this baloney about the benefits of having kids older -- being financially secure, having fun in your youth, etc. -- benefit the parents, not the kids. If, for example, you're a struggling grad student, having a kid doesn't hurt the kid because your future earnings potential is presumably high.

That's what we did. We got married in our early 20s, got our kids out of the way while going to grad school, and had all four before we were 30. Now our kids are full grown, and the parents of their kids' friends are closer to our age than theirs. And our kids didn't suffer economically, academically, or socially because we didn't wait until the timing was "perfect" by DCUM's definition. To the contrary, they thrived.

That’s entirely untrue. I had young parents. They were perpetually stressed about money, and had mediocre emotional regulation at best. They mellowed out a lot when they got older and matured. They should’ve waited 10 years and my sister and I might’ve had a better childhood.

That's interesting. So you would be OK with having your parents die ten years earlier for you if it meant a better childhood?

seems like a no brainer? childhood is more important.

Wouldn't that depend on the hypothetical degree of improvement? Like, a 20% better? 15% better? 40% better? How many years of your parents' life is that worth? What would that sound like? "I'd be OK losing my mother at 35 instead of 45 if it meant she'd yell less and bought me better shoes."? Like this? Or something else?

Having children when you are broke and immature just so you can have grandparents young enough to babysit is twisted.

Most people in their 20s aren't great parents. Most marriages don't survive when they have kids that young.

Simple facts.

It's not facts. The majority of people around the world have children in their 20s.

The majority of people in this country have children in their 20s. DC (and other urban areas) are the anomaly.

Depends on education level too. Statistically lower educated people have kids earlier. The more educated have them later in life.

[Anonymous]

Each year maternal age gets older. Good luck becoming Grandparents! None of my teens and young adult children want kids. i Hope im not to blame. Kids now days dont strive to have families. But i guess my generation didnt strive for 13 kids. Each generation has kids older and older (having smaller families) thanks to technology and society moving towards women working outside the home more. Women dont have time to raise families anymore. Call me old school but Its not like it used to be where the village was actually at hime to help raise kids. Now people make you feel bad for asking Grandma for help. Some people treats kids accessories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35 is not old. Come back if you’re still trying at 43.

Its very old on some states. Depends on where you live/ societies. Get out your bubble. It’s Geriatric in medical terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35 is not old. Come back if you’re still trying at 43.

Its very old on some states. Depends on where you live/ societies. Get out your bubble. It’s Geriatric in medical terms.

I love the movie Idiocracy.

[Anonymous]

Downside iOS having to delay retirement. My wife and aaI got married in our late 20s and started having kids in early/mid 30s. I wasn’t mature enough to be a parent until then.