Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?
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Anonymous
| Due to financial issues we will be TTC post 35. Assuming we are successful, I am wondering about the ramifications of waiting till older to have children. What has your experience been like? |
Anonymous
| OP this will turn nasty quickly and you won’t get much useful information. |
Anonymous
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The MAJOR risk with advanced maternal age (not so much advanced paternal age) is chromosomal defects, leading to such profiles as Down syndrome. Risks increase dramatically in your 30s, and even more dramatically in your 40s, and there's no way to sugarcoat that.
If you have a healthy child, then parenting isn't really very different. You might be less active, but more mature and wealthier. At some point you might find yourself sandwiched between elderly parents who need your help, and kids who need the same. But it's all fine. You can do it. |
Anonymous
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due to infertility, had my kids at 43 and 46!!! youngers are graduating from hs this week and next year. I have no regrets!!! what could I regret? yes, I already feel ready for grandbabies--and I look old because I am old. Always wanted kids, would have had a dozen more if I was younger (and richer!)
I regret that my kids' kids will see me as a seriously old person, if they see me at all. but, that's the way my life turned out. Also, do not wait any longer to "try". That could be my regret--started trying around 35 and it takes awhile to figure out what's going wrong, fertility-wise, so you can spend many years getting pg |
Anonymous
| I don't regret it, but DH was 45 when our youngest was born and recently passed away at 60. I'm incredibly sad for my children (and myself). Of course, there are no guarantees and young parents die, too. DH's mother passed away in her early 60s, too, so *maybe* that should have been a genetic red flag for me. It wouldn't have changed anything, though. |
Anonymous
| We had DD when I was 41. Great decision. I had a great pregnancy, and I’m the kind of parent I don’t think I could have been when I was younger. |
Anonymous
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We had our singleton at 36 and it's been great (although I know lots of other timings are great for others). Kid will graduate college about a year before we are ready to retire which to me seems like good timing.
Good luck! There are plenty of good reasons to postpone having children but there are also ways of making it work. |
Anonymous
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Had my first at 47 and it's been amazingly wonderful! she's only 12 months so don't have the long view but zero regrets. Being a solo parent is tough but age is an asset not a disadvantage at this stage. Just am just more emotionally mature and even keeled than even 10 years ago.
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Anonymous
| 35 is not old. Come back if you’re still trying at 43. |
Anonymous
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No! I’m so grateful I waited. I lived, worked, traveled, and waited for the best possible partner. I had my first a month shy of 40 and my second a month shy of 42. Both easily conceived and totally normal pregnancies.
I love spending time with my kids and even though I was extremely social pre-kids, I am perfectly happy just being with DH and my little ones on weekends and evenings. Being established in my career, I simply told my employers that I was going to work from home when my oldest was born and they had to agree to it. We have the resources for an educated and loving nanny and working from home has allowed me to easily breastfeed as long as my kids wanted (I’m still nursing the 20 month old) and be around for milestones. I was very lucky. It all worked out better than I ever could have imagined! Good luck, OP! |
Anonymous
| I don’t regret it but some things about it are harder than they would have been if I’d become a mother at a younger age. Much less energy, perimenopause colliding with teen hormones, etc. Plus it’s not always a straight line to post secondary education and independent adulthood, something that didn’t occur to me before. Yes, I’m dumb. |
Anonymous
| I’ve posted already, but I think one thing you should take into consideration is that you will have to adjust your expectations of grandparents and their relationships with you and their children. It’s simply harder on older grandparents, and I see it on here time and time again where people don’t understand that once people are hitting their 70s, travel and the like just becomes harder and less desirable *for them*, especially when it’s not pure pleasure travel like vegging out on a cruise ship or resort. |
Anonymous
| I had my child at 38 due to a uterine issue that I was unaware of my whole life. I think the timing worked out well for us. We’re much more settled into our 30s with a house, stable jobs and financial situation. We definitely are enjoying our time with him, send him to a good school and buy him everything he needs/wants. I do think about aging grandparents from time to time but as people have mentioned here, there’s no guarantee in life. We’re lucky that our child even has great grandparents still! Good luck! |
Anonymous
Working from home with a nanny is my dream life! Good for you! |
Anonymous
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No regrets. At 30 I started planning and saving for my daughter's adoption for when I turned 40. Everything on schedule. The only thing I did not know was which country she would come from, knowing that countries open and close constantly.
She is now 20 and at Princeton. I could not be happier and prouder. |