Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

I didn't either. I had two friends who began dating seniors our freshman year and it was just constant drama. Another friend disappeared the minute she started dating someone new. I decided early on I didn't feel like dating anyone seriously in high school. That's not to say I didn't do all the usual flirting, does he like me, casual dates, but nothing serious and I didn't have sex. It was way less stressful than what my friends were doing.

+1. My HS friends got into some relationship situations with older guys that were really not good for them. Freshman having sex with seniors. A few got pregnant. One friend dated a 24 year old when we were 17, and her parents were okay with it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think parental substance abuse isn’t talked about nearly enough. It seems so pervasive though: from alcohol to pot to opioids.

Plenty of people and parents comment on some of these threads saying smoking pot is fine and frequently do so. It’s crazy.

I completely agree. They also absolutely refuse to recognize that pot is a gateway drug. It is crazy.

It’s because they are addicted themselves and can’t admit it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

My friend runs a mindfulness program at Cumberland University, a rural school about 40 minutes outside of Nashville. Many kids are the first generation to go to college. She sees a lot of what is described in the article and talks about the helicopter parenting and kids' inability to handle anything thrown at them because things have been handled for them. It's not just an UMC problem.

Yep. We were learning to on board at life at 14. Today's kids feel helpless because their parents don't let them have any success at life when they are young.

It’s the opposite…they don’t let kids fail. And this sets kids up for being very scared of failure and feeling helpless when they go out into the world.

[Anonymous]

Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

Most adolescents around here now call themselves non-binary or bisexual so less pregnancy risk indeed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

My friend runs a mindfulness program at Cumberland University, a rural school about 40 minutes outside of Nashville. Many kids are the first generation to go to college. She sees a lot of what is described in the article and talks about the helicopter parenting and kids' inability to handle anything thrown at them because things have been handled for them. It's not just an UMC problem.

Yep. We were learning to on board at life at 14. Today's kids feel helpless because their parents don't let them have any success at life when they are young.

It’s the opposite…they don’t let kids fail. And this sets kids up for being very scared of failure and feeling helpless when they go out into the world.

I think this is true and that it's been happening for a while, and not just to kids. It's not just parents making it happen either. I don't know about other countries, but Americans are very uncomfortable with the concept of failure, or even the idea that you do something and be mediocre and have it still be worthwhile. We're an extremely success driven culture and there's intense pressure on young people not only to be successful in life but to do so on their first try, without much strife or challenge first. It's a weird and soulless approach to life that is more about bragging rights (being the first, the youngest, the best) than it is about living a rich and full life.

Failure, pain, suffering, disappointment... these aren't just unfortunate things that poor people have to deal with. They are necessary parts of the human experience. Without them life feels empty because it's hard to appreciate anything. Not just the victories but just the stuff of survival -- a good nights sleep, a pleasant meal with friends or family, good weather for your walk to work. People are so impatient and ungrateful, and I think it's because they are looking for perfection and don't understand that you won't find joy in perfection. You find it in appreciating life despite its many imperfections. So no imperfections, no failure, no mistakes... no joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

Most adolescents around here now call themselves non-binary or bisexual so less pregnancy risk indeed!

You clearly have no clue what those terms even mean pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Teens need a relationship with Jesus and get connected to a church.

Gay teens do?

Because gay teens can’t believe in Jesus or want to go to church?

There are plenty of churches that welcome everyone and don’t believe that Jesus and church is based on excluding.

+1 I've already posted in this thread on a different topic, but have to chime in that it's really doing a disservice to teens and churches if you think they're all the same. My Methodist church is very outspoken and purposeful in their inclusion of the LGBTQ+ community. Just do a little reading on the Methodist church. It's tearing itself apart to take a stand to support the community and I feel like nobody outside the church is paying attention.

There is a ton of gay pastors in the Episcopal church. Gay pastors are very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens need a relationship with Jesus and get connected to a church.

Gay teens do?

Ya'll have not been to church lately. Almost every other church is very accepting of gay teens and families and Gay pastors are common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lack of sunshine. Lack of physical labor/chores.

Yeah, my neighbor has 2 big boys at private who play football but they hire out company to mow their small yard.

Okay this is a weird thing to judge. Such specificity, and yet so useless.

Yet up until the 90's it would have been the norm for the kids to mow the yard, regardless of size. If you had kids they did the yardwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens need a relationship with Jesus and get connected to a church.

A “relationship with Jesus” sounds pretty creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Why would you prefer they didn’t date in HS, PP? Just curious.

DP

I feel the same. Would prefer my kid does not date in HS. Have told the kids that, but like the PP, we’ll take it on a case by case basis.

But neither of you has said why you prefer no dating. I’m puzzled about this stance. Don’t you want to be able to give your kid advice and supervision in their dating relationships while they are still under your roof? I definitely worried a lot more about my kid who didn’t date until late in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

I didn’t date as a teen. I had crushes, went to dances with boys, and was otherwise really busy. My parents were definitely against me dating in high school and I don’t think it was an unreasonable expectation.