Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

They're having less sex, that definitely would have made 17 year old me sadder

Good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

They're having less sex, that definitely would have made 17 year old me sadder

Good.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

+1000

Agree, both in terms of the fellowship of a faith community and the belief that there is a purpose and meaning to life separate from a person’s accomplishments (or lack thereof).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

+1000

Agree, both in terms of the fellowship of a faith community and the belief that there is a purpose and meaning to life separate from a person’s accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Totally agree. Lack of faith, spirituality, and community definitely add to the problem.

[Anonymous]

This generation of parents is to blame.

Too much pressure, too much coddling. It's a twisted mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

DP. Yes. Around here, academics are the competitive sport. Elsewhere, your looks and what sports you do are what matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

My friend runs a mindfulness program at Cumberland University, a rural school about 40 minutes outside of Nashville. Many kids are the first generation to go to college. She sees a lot of what is described in the article and talks about the helicopter parenting and kids' inability to handle anything thrown at them because things have been handled for them. It's not just an UMC problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

For the very poor kids it’s parents increasingly having to stress over the pandemic job loss/losing so many support system members to it.

For the very rich kids it’s affluenza/latchkey or nanny parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I didn’t date at all in high school or college.

Same. My mother would've had nothing to add about me dating if I had done it while I lived at home.

[Anonymous]

Society has always had serious issues. Most people are self absorbed and not putting the time into their kids. Look at how most are handling the pandemic. We live in a me culture and not a we culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of everything discussed and listed, imo as someone who works with high risk kids, it is this:

4. Modern parenting strategies

The #s 1, 2 and 3 of your list (the use of social media, the lack of socialization, and the inability of kids to flex) all comes down to poor parenting. Modern parents aren't modeling these behaviors the way they should.

Can you elaborate though? Because the main complaint I hear about modern parenting strategies is that it’s too involved, too child focused, too many activities, to many restrictions, etc. That parents are too involved, make things too easy, etc. But the other stuff on this list pretty much requires a highly involved approach. You are not restricting social media, getting your kids socializing more, if you aren’t highly involved. The societal pressure on kids is intense so I think many parents step in to try to create a buffer and allow their kids to have more of an extended childhood, but then get accused of coddling.

I think it’s really hard to parent right now, but especially teens. I also feel like the DMV feels like an especially bad environment for it. We’re looking at moving somewhere more rural possibly because it might enable a more safe and relaxed teenagerhood. But we don’t want them isolated. I just don’t know.

Aren’t the indicators for sadness and direction pretty universally going up for teens, not just in the “helicopter” upper middle class kids, and across the country?

My friend runs a mindfulness program at Cumberland University, a rural school about 40 minutes outside of Nashville. Many kids are the first generation to go to college. She sees a lot of what is described in the article and talks about the helicopter parenting and kids' inability to handle anything thrown at them because things have been handled for them. It's not just an UMC problem.

Yep. We were learning to on board at life at 14. Today's kids feel helpless because their parents don't let them have any success at life when they are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.

This exactly! Also kids aren't allowed to just be kids anymore

yea, my 16 yr old DS would much rather be out with friends than playing video games, but so many teens would rather stay home and play video games. Hello, future incel in the making.

My 13 yr old DD and I chat a lot about instagram, social media, and how fake they are, kind of like how before social media, girls had to be aware that all of those pictures of models were heavily airbrushed.

IMO, kids who are more engaged socially with other kids, do fun activities outside of the home, and have a good relationship with their parents are those who are better adjusted. It can't be all work, and no play. And I say this as a parent of a magnet student.

Yeah I think this is what I don't understand about screens is why kids now prefer them over being with friends in a person. Don't get me wrong, video games are fun, I played them, but I wouldn't say I preferred them. Growing up, you couldn't keep me inside.

Because we taught them that the endless quest for the perfect customization (aka the world adapting to you) is a good thing. You see, real people might have their own ideas and be imperfect and annoying, and sometimes not reacting the way we want them too. People are not used to the give and take of human relationships anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

+1000

Agree, both in terms of the fellowship of a faith community and the belief that there is a purpose and meaning to life separate from a person’s accomplishments (or lack thereof).

This doesn't help most people. This issue is generally parental time and involvement and quality of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.

This exactly! Also kids aren't allowed to just be kids anymore

yea, my 16 yr old DS would much rather be out with friends than playing video games, but so many teens would rather stay home and play video games. Hello, future incel in the making.

My 13 yr old DD and I chat a lot about instagram, social media, and how fake they are, kind of like how before social media, girls had to be aware that all of those pictures of models were heavily airbrushed.

IMO, kids who are more engaged socially with other kids, do fun activities outside of the home, and have a good relationship with their parents are those who are better adjusted. It can't be all work, and no play. And I say this as a parent of a magnet student.

Yeah I think this is what I don't understand about screens is why kids now prefer them over being with friends in a person. Don't get me wrong, video games are fun, I played them, but I wouldn't say I preferred them. Growing up, you couldn't keep me inside.

Because we taught them that the endless quest for the perfect customization (aka the world adapting to you) is a good thing. You see, real people might have their own ideas and be imperfect and annoying, and sometimes not reacting the way we want them too. People are not used to the give and take of human relationships anymore

Many kids do online because of transportation issues (and now covid). Lots of parents I know will not give their kids rides so if friends don't live in the neighborhood its and issue.