Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

I meant really small towns in rural areas, based on my experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

I didn’t date as a teen. I had crushes, went to dances with boys, and was otherwise really busy. My parents were definitely against me dating in high school and I don’t think it was an unreasonable expectation.

You went to dances with boys but you didn't date? Isn't that....a date?

I'm tired of parents being blamed for everything TBH. My parents and their friends had it so easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

+1000

Agree, both in terms of the fellowship of a faith community and the belief that there is a purpose and meaning to life separate from a person’s accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Totally agree. Lack of faith, spirituality, and community definitely add to the problem.

Nah. I was brought up conservatively in a very religious community. It def did not do those things for me. If anything, it was the opposite. I couldn't wait to leave and never returned. I don't like people who wield their religion like a weapon and are hypocrites. Many faiths, not all and not all people, are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

I meant really small towns in rural areas, based on my experiences.

Right. There will be unique stressors in each geographic and socioeconomic area, but one common thread across all of them is the internet and how it’s has completely eroded genuine human connections and feelings of community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

Well plan B is over the counter now, so that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

I meant really small towns in rural areas, based on my experiences.

Yes the ubiquity or social media is destructive - impedes normal development and magnifies usual teen insecurities …

[Anonymous]

It has everything to do with lazy helicopter parenting.

Easier to do for them than to teach/expect them how to do it on their own.

Easier to justify and excuse poor behaviors than spend the time on expectations and follow-thru when expectations are not met.

Easier to baby/friend them than truly parent them. Easier to keep them home and justify it’s safer to not go to park on their own - and then give them a screen to sit in front of instead.

This leads to decrease autonomy, lack of street smarts, low confidence, poor social skills, terrible executive functioning, and no patience or attention to anything around them. All of this leads to lack of empathy, abnormal social behaviors, high anxiety, and depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has everything to do with lazy helicopter parenting.

Easier to do for them than to teach/expect them how to do it on their own.

Easier to justify and excuse poor behaviors than spend the time on expectations and follow-thru when expectations are not met.

Easier to baby/friend them than truly parent them. Easier to keep them home and justify it’s safer to not go to park on their own - and then give them a screen to sit in front of instead.

This leads to decrease autonomy, lack of street smarts, low confidence, poor social skills, terrible executive functioning, and no patience or attention to anything around them. All of this leads to lack of empathy, abnormal social behaviors, high anxiety, and depression.

Thanks Janet.

You sound very judgy and overbearing, which would make me feel very sad if I was your kid.

The point of the article is that there is not one black and white reason that explains everything for this wide spread phenom of teenage depression.

Modern parenting is part of it for sure but not all of it - clearly the rural poster where the other 3 factors were not an issue laid the blame at the feet of prevalence of social media. Clearly, in DMV social pressures are part of the problem. In some areas such as West Virginia, opioid and other addictions play major role.

Also there is no one perfect way of parenting teens. Anyone with more than one child knows what works for one may not work for another. Further there is competing advice to parents and people have to figure out for themselves what works for their families.

It is helpful to know we are not alone and that there are different parenting strategies that might help. Harshly judging all parents of teens as misguided is not helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No spirituality

+1000

Agree, both in terms of the fellowship of a faith community and the belief that there is a purpose and meaning to life separate from a person’s accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Totally agree. Lack of faith, spirituality, and community definitely add to the problem.

Nah. I was brought up conservatively in a very religious community. It def did not do those things for me. If anything, it was the opposite. I couldn't wait to leave and never returned. I don't like people who wield their religion like a weapon and are hypocrites. Many faiths, not all and not all people, are.

Exactly

Religion is the cause of 90% of wars all over the world and 100% of the political strain in our country.

Are we not intelligent enough now to realize the scam of all religions? How much money is made by them each year? If you want to say you enjoy the community feel to your parish/temple/church/mosque or maybe believe there could be a higher power, fine - but can we move on from the fake stories and rules while judging others who don’t buy into it? It’s embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has everything to do with lazy helicopter parenting.

Easier to do for them than to teach/expect them how to do it on their own.

Easier to justify and excuse poor behaviors than spend the time on expectations and follow-thru when expectations are not met.

Easier to baby/friend them than truly parent them. Easier to keep them home and justify it’s safer to not go to park on their own - and then give them a screen to sit in front of instead.

This leads to decrease autonomy, lack of street smarts, low confidence, poor social skills, terrible executive functioning, and no patience or attention to anything around them. All of this leads to lack of empathy, abnormal social behaviors, high anxiety, and depression.

Yup

All of this

Screens wouldn’t even be an issue if parents weren’t so fudging friendly all of the time. Like don’t have kids if you don’t want the job of actually parenting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has everything to do with lazy helicopter parenting.

Easier to do for them than to teach/expect them how to do it on their own.

Easier to justify and excuse poor behaviors than spend the time on expectations and follow-thru when expectations are not met.

Easier to baby/friend them than truly parent them. Easier to keep them home and justify it’s safer to not go to park on their own - and then give them a screen to sit in front of instead.

This leads to decrease autonomy, lack of street smarts, low confidence, poor social skills, terrible executive functioning, and no patience or attention to anything around them. All of this leads to lack of empathy, abnormal social behaviors, high anxiety, and depression.

Thanks Janet.

You sound very judgy and overbearing, which would make me feel very sad if I was your kid.

The point of the article is that there is not one black and white reason that explains everything for this wide spread phenom of teenage depression.

Modern parenting is part of it for sure but not all of it - clearly the rural poster where the other 3 factors were not an issue laid the blame at the feet of prevalence of social media. Clearly, in DMV social pressures are part of the problem. In some areas such as West Virginia, opioid and other addictions play major role.

Also there is no one perfect way of parenting teens. Anyone with more than one child knows what works for one may not work for another. Further there is competing advice to parents and people have to figure out for themselves what works for their families.

It is helpful to know we are not alone and that there are different parenting strategies that might help. Harshly judging all parents of teens as misguided is not helping anyone.

DP. This kind of thinking, while maybe true, is at the heart of so much general anxiety in our culture, though. The internet has made everyone think they’re an expert, that they’ve stumbled upon an article that explains everything, that they’ve diagnosed themselves or their kids, that they’ve found a way to live their truth. But this illusion of control and understanding has completely undermined the various institutions that used to be the bulwarks of a polite, functioning society.

Personally, hearing about yet another “parenting strategy” doesn’t make me feel better. Somehow humans got along for millennia without consciously considering these things.

[Anonymous]

Another one who blames parents

In the early years kids are overscheduled

Then, in the later years tweens and teens can't entertain themselves and get bored easily so they spend way too much time on social media and social gaming

Add on the college rat race and this is the result

I also agree with other posters, get out of the DMV, none of this is normal behavior in most of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it's clear that there is much, much, much less face to face interaction with other kids. My son, in high school, goes out with friends every once in a while. Mostly, though, his friends are happy enough to stay home and play PS4 virtually with each other. When he does go out, it's usually disappointing because other people he wants to see have decided to stay home and play video games. My Middle School daughter - when she sees her friends, they are generally comparing Instagrams or chatting with other people online while hanging out. We used to wander the neighborhoods looking for other people to hang out with and then we would actually talk and play games and whatever.

This exactly! Also kids aren't allowed to just be kids anymore

yea, my 16 yr old DS would much rather be out with friends than playing video games, but so many teens would rather stay home and play video games. Hello, future incel in the making.

My 13 yr old DD and I chat a lot about instagram, social media, and how fake they are, kind of like how before social media, girls had to be aware that all of those pictures of models were heavily airbrushed.

IMO, kids who are more engaged socially with other kids, do fun activities outside of the home, and have a good relationship with their parents are those who are better adjusted. It can't be all work, and no play. And I say this as a parent of a magnet student.

Yeah I think this is what I don't understand about screens is why kids now prefer them over being with friends in a person. Don't get me wrong, video games are fun, I played them, but I wouldn't say I preferred them. Growing up, you couldn't keep me inside.

The reality is that is not safe any more for young women to go outside and run/bike alone.

This is not true. It is much SAFER today than it was when we were younger.

[Anonymous]

I see a wide range of teens in terms of income and culture. Some are coddled, some have appropriate responsibilities, some are basically living like adults-unaccompanied minors or teens basically raising siblings. Across the board, many of them are sad. The things they have in common are access to constant distraction (social media, phones, videos, just the internet in general) and a related decline of in-person socialization (even a kid who doesn't have a phone or social media has more limited access to in-person socializing because the other kids have those things), increase in existential despair related to access to news and media combined with the COVID experience of having the terrible thing actually happen combined with climate crisis. I think that even kids who wouldn't say "oh, I"m scared of climate change" have an underlying sense of dread that's beyond what my parents experienced (cuban missle crisis/cold war) and what I experienced (fear of nuclear apocalypse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Head over to the college forum…pressure in this area is ridiculous. Parents freaking out and giving kids the message that they have to attend prestigious schools. And it starts before high school. My kid is in AAP and talks about how her classmates’ parents tell them they have to get into Algebra by 7th, they need to go to a magnet school. One of her friends is fretting over college in 6th grade! This area is intense. And even if you don’t buy into it as a parent, kids pick it up from peers.

It’s insane here, I agree, but there are other pressures in other places: opioids, lack of lgbtq+ acceptance and social acceptance is focused on who your grandmother went to high school with.

I live in a small city where there is almost no pressure to attend prestigious schools. Opioids are not a huge issue here, it’s fine to be lgbtq+ (If not preferable) and no one cares where your grandmother went to high school, at least in public school. Our kids are still sad. The ones I know have the most issues are 100% addicted to their cellphones and/or video games.

+1 ITA.. it's the social media and/or video games. Basically, these kids are becoming increasingly socially isolated.

I went through a period of social isolation back in the 80s/early 90s. Obviously we didn't have social media, and I didn't have video games at home. It was a really difficult time, and there were times when I felt suicidal. Oh, and I was a church goer, but even then, I felt isolated. Even church goers can feel isolated, which is why pastors encourage people to get connected in a church group.

I read an article about how sales of dumb phones have gone up because people have started to realize that they are addicted to social media.

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-60763168

One maker of dumbphones is New York company Light Phone. Slightly more clever that the norm for such products, its handsets do allow users to listen to music and podcasts, and link by Bluetooth to headphones. Yet the firm pledges that its phones "will never have social media, clickbait news, email, an internet browser, or any other anxiety-inducing infinite feed".

This is the kind of phone kids should have, but it's difficult because schools are increasingly putting everything online, too.

I have a love/hate relationship with the internet, and I work with a high tech internet company.