Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

What a nasty thing to do to turn a parent from their child. Sorry that happened. Are you still in contact with him?

[Anonymous]

Don't try to shape the relationship dynamics between a father and a daughter. If it is not a relationship you are comfortable with, then see whether you can accept it the way it is between them. Maybe get some psychological help. If you are not open to outside help, or change your view of their relationship, then try to seriously evaluate whether you want to continue the relationship with your partner.
It may be the best for you not to continue. My opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are half her age but 21 still sounds so young for her dad not to be helping her out! You parent your way but don't be an evil stepmother working against her behind the scenes to cut off her health insurance.

Having a tantrum over a lost book and needing dad to buy her a new one right then?

21 is young but not that young. I feel sad for some of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

[Anonymous]

It's his life, he can do what he wants. It's his family.
You are not family, you are on the part time payroll.
If you no likey, then gtfo.
Then you can put your smelly feet up on the couch, watch some Netflix, and eat some chips.

[Anonymous]

When I was 21, I had a boyfriend who would help me for everything. I had a college roommate who didn’t have a boyfriend. She also relied on her parents a lot but they lived in a different country. I clearly remember the mom telling her it was ok to rely on them and not to rely on a boyfriend. I remember feeling offended at the time. Now that I have a daughter, I absolutely 100% would rather her call me or Dh for help for anything.

21 is college age. He is allowed to be there for his daughter if she needs him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

Wanting perfume and a place to sleep is bratty/clingy/unreasonable?

Are you a stepmother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

There is nothing shameful about needing therapy after all that shit that her dad and his significant other(s?) pulled right after she lost her mother.

And I’m sure you could use some yourself.

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting your time and your life. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

Wanting perfume and a place to sleep is bratty/clingy/unreasonable?

Are you a stepmother?

Not a stepmother. Also not raising spoiled brats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

There is nothing shameful about needing therapy after all that shit that her dad and his significant other(s?) pulled right after she lost her mother.

And I’m sure you could use some yourself.

Who said it was shameful. She's twisting ops situation to fit her evil stepmom narrative which isn't at all the situation op has described. When you start projecting your issues on other people you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 21, I had a boyfriend who would help me for everything. I had a college roommate who didn’t have a boyfriend. She also relied on her parents a lot but they lived in a different country. I clearly remember the mom telling her it was ok to rely on them and not to rely on a boyfriend. I remember feeling offended at the time. Now that I have a daughter, I absolutely 100% would rather her call me or Dh for help for anything.

21 is college age. He is allowed to be there for his daughter if she needs him.

21 one is adult for most people a year from graduation . If by that stage in life you can't figure out dental appointments how to replace lost books without calling in your parents or a boyfriend your parents have failed you. Good parenting is not about doing everything for and making everything easy for your kids. This learned helplessness is making people anxious and depressed.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP is jealous of how close the BF is to his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was 21, I had a boyfriend who would help me for everything. I had a college roommate who didn’t have a boyfriend. She also relied on her parents a lot but they lived in a different country. I clearly remember the mom telling her it was ok to rely on them and not to rely on a boyfriend. I remember feeling offended at the time. Now that I have a daughter, I absolutely 100% would rather her call me or Dh for help for anything.

21 is college age. He is allowed to be there for his daughter if she needs him.

21 one is adult for most people a year from graduation . If by that stage in life you can't figure out dental appointments how to replace lost books without calling in your parents or a boyfriend your parents have failed you. Good parenting is not about doing everything for and making everything easy for your kids. This learned helplessness is making people anxious and depressed.

Maybe, or maybe we're only getting part of the story.
I have an 18 year old college freshman, so similar life stage. She called this week in absolute hysterics because she couldn't find her laundry detergent.
The kid is so incapable, what a bad parent I've been. Except, not really. She'd had a 103 degree fever for 3 days at that point, she had just had a massive bloody nose all over her bed sheets and she just wanted to be able to wash her bedsheets and crawl back in bed and feel awful again. Real actual adulty-adults could reasonably be in hysterics in that situation.

It's possible the OP is telling the truth ... except her original post has a lot of emotion in it and it wouldn't surprise me if there were elements she was disregarding. My kid had a latin text that was out of print. Finding it was a bit of a chore and had she lost it, I guarantee she would have contacted me since I was the one who found it in the first place. That's not being needy or helpless, that's using the tools at her disposal to fix a mistake. Some people have dental phobias. It's entirely possible she and her dad made a deal where she would try a new dentist, but if it didn't work, she could get her needed cleaning or what have you at the dentist she was already comfortable with. They might consider her making an appointment with another dentist and getting to it - even if unsuccessful at a cleaning - a move in the right direction. We don't know. What we do know is that OP does not respect this man, and she should probably not be with him. I wouldn't respect him for being with someone who thinks so poorly of him and his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. It could be him/her, or it could be you. I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen. My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman. Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1. Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age. Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation. He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4. Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment. This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation. The answer was ultimately no.

5. Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college. I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment. He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own. The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5. . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.

I am not the PP

So the girlfriend is "right"? And what did that get her?

A husband who had to go against his daughters birthday wishes and a step daughter who was hurt but an overstepping woman.

Gee, good thing she was "right" because she certainly had no interest in being a warm and loving person in her step daughters life. Nope, it was more important for her to be "right".

And this, folks, is why people generally stink at having healthy relationships. Because it's more important for them to be "right".