Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

[Anonymous]

Now I'm not sayin' she's a gold digger...

[Anonymous]

They say, “when you marry that you marry the whole family.” If this annoys you this much now, then it’s time to end your relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They say, “when you marry that you marry the whole family.” If this annoys you this much now, then it’s time to end your relationship with him.

But she wants his $$$$!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea it sucks. My 21yo stepdaughter does hardcore drugs and porn. People help her get real jobs and apprenticeships, and she gets fired every time because she takes tons of mental health days. H does and says nothing because he wants her to feel “comfortable” telling him.

I just make sure none of my money goes to her and keep separate finances.

I would flip if H tried to comment on my parenting, tho. He knows to say nothing other than “you’re a fantastic mom!” lol

You are smart. The daughter will be an endless $$ pit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They say, “when you marry that you marry the whole family.” If this annoys you this much now, then it’s time to end your relationship with him.

Who is they? Don’t agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will you be able to tolerate this for the rest of your life? Because it's either that or break up.

+1
Most likely the daughter will never be an dependent adult. I would bail now.

[Anonymous]

It’s not going to get better. Personally, I’d consider breaking up. My mom and step-dad raised us kids very similarly (they married when we were all adults) and apply the exact same rules to each of us to reduce conflict but issues will still pop-up and I know my mom can feel resentful. It’s definitely annoying for all parties but doable. Any difference in value would cause a lot of discord. And it carries over to the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And it’s extremely annoying. I am a parent of two daughters myself so I understand the temptation very well. HOWEVER he and his ex wife have created an intolerable spoiled brat who runs screaming at the first iota of discomfort. I won’t detail the ridiculous stuff he’s done (unless anyone wants to hear it!). However it makes me feel really REALLY annoyed with him. I never comment because he doesn’t ask me what I think about his parenting except if he needs gift suggestions etc for her. Fine. He feels free to openly comment on my kids/parenting however, which is distasteful. I know it’s not wrong to help your kid but he is hobbling her by immediately showing up at the slightest complaint. Which ultimately doesn’t matter since she won’t ever have to solve any actual problems. Daddy will come to the rescue. I was not raised like this and neither were most people I know.

Is this a vent? I don’t know. I’d like to have a consistently good relationship with him and ignore the spoiled bratty (and she truly is!) daughter part but it constantly affects our relationship in small and large ways. Anyone else?

You’ve different parenting styles and doesn’t respect each other’s style. You seem to dislike or even hate his DD, he doesn’t seem too fond of your kids either. It’s unlikely for you two to have a consistently good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it. If a divorced father is dating, he can’t spend his time and his money on his only child as he sees fit without seeking your approval?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP and some other posters are stepmomsters. You have no concern for these girls who are obviously dealing with serious issues. These men have failed at parenting and you're not even encouraging them to help their daughters. You're getting angry every time they spend time and money on their own children and you're driving a wedge between them and their kids.

These men are terrible fathers for dating or marrying women who don't respect his children. It's sad that OP's BF doesn't dump OP.

Yes the serious issue is spiked best affluenza is real

Op should sit h the boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely break up.

Unless you can seriously internalize that it isn't your business and not let it interfere with your relationship with your boyfriend or, in things went further, his daughter. And there is no way in hell I'd be able to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP and some other posters are stepmomsters. You have no concern for these girls who are obviously dealing with serious issues. These men have failed at parenting and you're not even encouraging them to help their daughters. You're getting angry every time they spend time and money on their own children and you're driving a wedge between them and their kids.

These men are terrible fathers for dating or marrying women who don't respect his children. It's sad that OP's BF doesn't dump OP.

This. They are bad fathers twice over.

People just need to not marry men who have kids. Unless you are a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a dealbreaker. End it now. It’s not working. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.

Agree, dealbreaker.

Don’t stick around any longer to find out what mental disorder she inherited from him. He’s just enabling her and they’re probably codependent too.

+1. You’ll go crazy with this unless you stay not so close. Plus you’ll lose respect. Unless she’s handicapped she likely did not get the professional help she needed growing up and might never reach her potential, whatever that may be given her issues or unmanaged invisible disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And it sounds that you are dating him for a very long time accumulating a resentment. Your relationship didn’t result in marriage after 7 years for a reason. He doesn’t feel you are his family. If this is not what you want just leave him

We mutually do not want to remarry. I definitely don’t want to marry him, but I do love him. I have my own money luckily so that’s not an issue. I do resent that he will upend our time for something insignificant that she should be able to deal with on her own. It’s ridiculous. One time she went to dentist in her college town. Didn’t like the dentist. So he flew out to get her, brought her to childhood dentist, then flew her back. Birthdays are a 3-4 royal parade of events. I don’t share this values- that’s correct whoever mentioned that. When we are together we have so much fun though. He becomes kind of irrational when her “check engine” light comes on, or she needs OTC allergy medicine, for example. And she’s constantly out of money, needs all new furniture emergently, has to have tickets to whatever music festival is going on etc. Everything just comes to a screeching halt when she has a new need. I’m a mom to two kids- I get the need to take care of your kids. It just seems dysfunctional and interferes with his ability to be a decent, reliable companion.

So I guess the point is do I want to have a boyfriend who is like this or not. I wasn’t planning to break up with him over it. It’s annoying and I was just looking for insights from others.

Hmm. She’s need better basic problem solving skills for sure. Oh well.

Hope she gets married off to a guy who can deal with that degree of neediness.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. If you love him you do need to tell him that this situation is making you wonder if you two will be compatible over the longer term. Maybe talk to a therapist about how to communicate this in a way where he won't react defensively.

Glad you are not marrying him.

But I do wonder what would happen if you and the daughter had crises at the same time. Would he ditch something important, say a funeral or vacation or hospital pick up - of your friends or of you to go bail her out because she has a mini crisis? Not good to automatically be second priority.