Boyfriend Asked For A Break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- don’t blame yourself ! You did nothing wrong really ! It’s so low life for him trying to shift the gilt for ending the relationship to you. He met someone else that’s always the answer when they snap out of nothing.
If he ever comes back my suggestion is to drop a recording device in his car and you will quickly figure it out. Don’t be silly, move on.

She lied to him. That is what she did wrong. He asked did you sleep with this guy and she said no. It’s something you would not understand.

Exactly! She very well could have just said "I don't think that is your business, we are not exclusive." If she thought a certain type of response to answer would make him an insecure guy, leave him! Why would she want to be with such an insecure guy?!? But now his knowledge of that impulse to deceive and play games with the truth will always be there. The stakes may be higher next time.

In other words, it is better for both of them to just move on because neither of them was handling this relationship in a mature and emotionally healthy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP- don’t blame yourself ! You did nothing wrong really ! It’s so low life for him trying to shift the gilt for ending the relationship to you. He met someone else that’s always the answer when they snap out of nothing.
If he ever comes back my suggestion is to drop a recording device in his car and you will quickly figure it out. Don’t be silly, move on.

Did you read the OP? You sound delusional. She lied to him. He found it and said he wanted a break. Some people value honesty and trust in a relationship. He doesn’t want to get burned by her farther down the road. He’s smart, and she is definitely not a victim in this situation.

DP. If OP felt the need to lie about something that wasn’t wrong in the first place (since they weren’t exclusive) that suggests to me that on some level, OP knows she can’t trust this guy to react rationally and reasonably to something like that. If you’re so controlling, judgmental and retaliatory that people feel like they need to hide innocuous stuff to avoid upsetting you, then you’re the problem.

What kind of twisted logic is this?

She slept with her ex and on the very same day asked the bf to exclusive. That just screams sincere, loyal, dedicated, stable, balanced trustworthy partner. She felt the need to lie because she knows her behavior was sketchy.

He put her in a lousy position by asking the question. They were not exclusive so if she had slept with someone, it shouldn’t have been an issue. [b]But he asked about it because for him, it would have been an issue if she’d slept with someone else while they were not exclusive. That screams controlling. [b]

DP. To me, it's a simple, fair question to ask someone you're dating and, by her own omission, OP decided to lie about it assuming he'd be upset by the truth. To me this shows why honesty is truly the best policy, even if it means we may lose someone in the moment. OP's actions in this scenario were guided by fear, which he probably smelled, which may be why he snooped. (I'm PP who suggested he was lying about something himself...) Still, I think what OP did is forgivable.

[Anonymous]

^by her own admission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Everyone has that 'box' in the closet...though I suppose nowadays that box is electronic. Old love letters, old photos, etc. Most that become a serious item know what's in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of almost a year told me he needed a break after he found out I lied about sleeping with my ex earlier in our relationship. He says finding out that I lied to him has made him question things, and he needs time alone to process it. I admit lying to him was stupid, but we were new, and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be with me if I told him I slept with my ex. I love him and plan on marrying him. This has been very hard and I don’t know what to do or say to him back. I’m devastated at the thought of losing him. I feel like my whole life and future is being blown up for one past transgression. I don’t know if and how I can fix it.

He probably is more angry at the lie than the act. I would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my these posters are deranged OP. No man, no matter what stage in the relationship has the right to know what you did PRIOR to him (unless criminal). You weren't in an exclusive relationship. The issue is that you felt the need to lie because woman are conditioned that their sexual freedom isn't equal to men. You did nothing wrong! It was an omission, that's your choice. This guy intended to breach your privacy. He's an insecure douche, and owes you an apology. Give him the space to work out his stupid mental torment (give me a break). No contact. Actually, take the time to realize he's going to be a lot of work if you choose to pursue. The pp that suggested you wipe out history on all devices is a lunatic. Your life, your body, your privacy. Rules of engagement only apply to marriage.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO he’s overreacting but give him the space he asks for. Don’t contact him nor try to fix it. You really didn’t do anything wrong. He’ll probably come back and my guess is he’s probably been dishonest about something with you which is why he’s so upset.

OP admits she did something wrong…..

OP did lie...

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: you do not plan to marry him. He is not marrying you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have sex with one person and next day ask another person to become exclusive.

He can’t illegally snoop into someone’s phone then use it as exhibit A to take a break.

This relationship isn’t likely to go far. How can you two trust each other?

Yes, you can. She did nothing wrong.
He is more in the wrong than she is.

Until you are exclusive, sex is none of the other person's business. I can be a week before, a month before, a year before, a day before and hours before. She realized what she wanted and made a decision. She did nothing wrong. Stop villanizing her.

Her boyfriend holding this over her head is ridiculous. This should be a permanent break up and she should not look back. Any man who asks about your sex life before an exclusive agreement is bad news. He is not the one. He is immature.

total and absolute BS. and you know it.

[Anonymous]

It’s the lie. He can’t trust you. There is always going to be some reason to “spare someone’s feelings” and hide what you are actually feeling or doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my these posters are deranged OP. No man, no matter what stage in the relationship has the right to know what you did PRIOR to him (unless criminal). You weren't in an exclusive relationship. The issue is that you felt the need to lie because woman are conditioned that their sexual freedom isn't equal to men. You did nothing wrong! It was an omission, that's your choice. This guy intended to breach your privacy. He's an insecure douche, and owes you an apology. Give him the space to work out his stupid mental torment (give me a break). No contact. Actually, take the time to realize he's going to be a lot of work if you choose to pursue. The pp that suggested you wipe out history on all devices is a lunatic. Your life, your body, your privacy. Rules of engagement only apply to marriage.

+100

agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You loved your ex and wanted to marry him and have his kids but so quickly you are devastated over this new guy? You cant build a relationship on lies and consolation prizes.

OP here. This is not even accurate. I was with my ex prior to my current boyfriend and he was unsure about wanting kids. I stayed in relationship way too long hoping that he would decide he wanted kids. He didn’t and I decided to end it. I met my boyfriend of almost a year a couple of months after breaking up with my ex. I slept with my ex once during the first month when I went back to collect my things. I realized I really liked my now boyfriend and told my ex that I had moved on and that I couldn’t be in contact with him. I told my boyfriend that night that I wanted to be exclusive.

You're a mess. Please sort yourself out before your next relationship.

I agree.

OP, try being on your own for awhile. It's an essential life skill.