Boyfriend Asked For A Break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have sex with one person and next day ask another person to become exclusive.

He can’t illegally snoop into someone’s phone then use it as exhibit A to take a break.

This relationship isn’t likely to go far. How can you two trust each other?

+1

That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

Neither have I. The idea that "everyone does it" is something snoopers tell themselves to justify their actions. Someone snooping through my emails, texts, mail, whatever, is a dealbreaker to me. This dude would have been out on his ear before he had the chance to tell me he wanted a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have sex with one person and next day ask another person to become exclusive.

He can’t illegally snoop into someone’s phone then use it as exhibit A to take a break.

This relationship isn’t likely to go far. How can you two trust each other?

+1

That's ridiculous.

Of course you can. Men do this all the time when they dump their mistress bc it it is threatening their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

Neither have I. The idea that "everyone does it" is something snoopers tell themselves to justify their actions. Someone snooping through my emails, texts, mail, whatever, is a dealbreaker to me. This dude would have been out on his ear before he had the chance to tell me he wanted a break.

Agree. I’ve even been married for ten years knowing all my DH’s passwords and have never snooped in his email/texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

Neither have I. The idea that "everyone does it" is something snoopers tell themselves to justify their actions. Someone snooping through my emails, texts, mail, whatever, is a dealbreaker to me. This dude would have been out on his ear before he had the chance to tell me he wanted a break.

Agree. I’ve even been married for ten years knowing all my DH’s passwords and have never snooped in his email/texts.

DP. Same here, except married twenty years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

Neither have I. The idea that "everyone does it" is something snoopers tell themselves to justify their actions. Someone snooping through my emails, texts, mail, whatever, is a dealbreaker to me. This dude would have been out on his ear before he had the chance to tell me he wanted a break.

Agree. I’ve even been married for ten years knowing all my DH’s passwords and have never snooped in his email/texts.

DP. Same here, except married twenty years.

Well that explains why 50% of affairs and infidelity are never discovered. Cheaters take advantage of that unconditional trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You buried the lead.

“My boyfriend doesn’t want to be with a cheater and a liar.”

It’s LEDE. OP buried the lede.

The ex buried the lead, fo sho tho.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We met yesterday for dinner and got back together. I did lie to him but it was only because I realized I like him a lot and I worried he wouldn’t want to get serious with me if he found out I slept with my ex. Very immature on my part. He didn’t go snooping intentionally because he really was just looking through pics and wanted to see if I saved our texts. He admits what he did was wrong. I have never lied to him about anything else and he had never snooped through my stuff. He was upset about the lie, not the fact that I slept with my ex. He said he would have been okay if I told him. We have decided to get back together and give this another shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We met yesterday for dinner and got back together. I did lie to him but it was only because I realized I like him a lot and I worried he wouldn’t want to get serious with me if he found out I slept with my ex. Very immature on my part. He didn’t go snooping intentionally because he really was just looking through pics and wanted to see if I saved our texts. He admits what he did was wrong. I have never lied to him about anything else and he had never snooped through my stuff. He was upset about the lie, not the fact that I slept with my ex. He said he would have been okay if I told him. We have decided to get back together and give this another shot.

Noooooooo

Well, you’re an adult after all. We’ll be here for the next breakup. Good luck, girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

Guess the new thing didn't pan out for him.

[Anonymous]

I’m not your fan, op. I tend not to like people who say things like “we weren’t exclusive” because experience, at least my experience has shown me that those are the same kind of people who will say “The store has plenty of candy bars, they won’t know or care if I steal one” or “they give out samples here, who cares if I go through the line and think “dinner!” when that isn’t really the point of the samples.
I
T puts the people you are dealing with in a bad position, they can’t really comment because technically you’re right, but they still feel betrayed.

I’m also concerned that you hopped into bed with your ex while you were picking up whatever was at his house, “Hey, I’m here to get my plates, and oh did you ever find that real nice picture of my mom, let’s f**ck” all while you were seemingly enjoying getting to know a new guy, or at least he thought that was what was happening? It’s just not a nice thing to do to well, anybody.

Your boyfriend probably thinks you are a liar and a cheat, why did you lie if you were behaving appropriately? If this guy made you feel you had to lie, why did you want to marry him?

You have poor impulse control which isn’t a trait healthy people like.
My husband wondered if your ex was hanging out just enough to give your boyfriend pause, and again, he really couldn’t say anything because “everybody has an ex”

Snooping wasn’t nice, though again, it’s only snooping if someone uses what they find in a way you don’t like, even if it’s to their advantage. He didn’t do anything wrong, op, he just ended the relationship. Nothing wrong with that, plus now you can go screw your ex.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. No way in hell would I ever marry a woman in this situation.

[Anonymous]

So if he slept with someone during this break, you’re ok with that right?

[Anonymous]

His story is not adding up. I don't think he's going to be around in the long run, and I think that's to your benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’m not your fan, op. I tend not to like people who say things like “we weren’t exclusive” because experience, at least my experience has shown me that those are the same kind of people who will say “The store has plenty of candy bars, they won’t know or care if I steal one” or “they give out samples here, who cares if I go through the line and think “dinner!” when that isn’t really the point of the samples.
I
T puts the people you are dealing with in a bad position, they can’t really comment because technically you’re right, but they still feel betrayed.

I’m also concerned that you hopped into bed with your ex while you were picking up whatever was at his house, “Hey, I’m here to get my plates, and oh did you ever find that real nice picture of my mom, let’s f**ck” all while you were seemingly enjoying getting to know a new guy, or at least he thought that was what was happening? It’s just not a nice thing to do to well, anybody.

Your boyfriend probably thinks you are a liar and a cheat, why did you lie if you were behaving appropriately? If this guy made you feel you had to lie, why did you want to marry him?

You have poor impulse control which isn’t a trait healthy people like.
My husband wondered if your ex was hanging out just enough to give your boyfriend pause, and again, he really couldn’t say anything because “everybody has an ex”

Snooping wasn’t nice, though again, it’s only snooping if someone uses what they find in a way you don’t like, even if it’s to their advantage. He didn’t do anything wrong, op, he just ended the relationship. Nothing wrong with that, plus now you can go screw your ex.

OP here. I can’t help but laugh at this. You don’t even know me and I’m not like what you posted on here. It’s probably hard for you to understand but I did not cheat. Your assumptions of me because I didn’t tell my bf before he became my gf that I slept with an ex is wrong and hilarious.