Boyfriend Asked For A Break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if he slept with someone during this break, you’re ok with that right?

OP here. Yes. Clearly it’s hard for you to read but he was never upset with me sleeping with my ex, only that I lied and said I wasn’t with anyone. I was single when I slept with my ex. He is only made that I lied to him about it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

Right … so why did he go to the messages? If I was looking at pictures on my husbands phone I wouldn’t even remotely think to also look at his messages. Guy totally made that up to get to the messages.

Probably because what he saw in the photos. I'm guessing he had a lot of suspicion.

The number of people that snoop at the start of a serious relationship--look in BF/GFs stuff for clues about them early in exclusivity is probably close to 100%. And most people are FOS if they claim they never have.

Um, no it isn’t. I’ve never snooped like this on someone in a relationship. The most I’ve ever done was look at a set of printed photos that were already sitting on the desk I had been given to sit at while my BF was in the shower, and I still feel kinda icky about it.

Neither have I. The idea that "everyone does it" is something snoopers tell themselves to justify their actions. Someone snooping through my emails, texts, mail, whatever, is a dealbreaker to me. This dude would have been out on his ear before he had the chance to tell me he wanted a break.

Agree. I’ve even been married for ten years knowing all my DH’s passwords and have never snooped in his email/texts.

DP. Same here, except married twenty years.

Well that explains why 50% of affairs and infidelity are never discovered. Cheaters take advantage of that unconditional trust.

YOu tell 'em, shrew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I’m not your fan, op. I tend not to like people who say things like “we weren’t exclusive” because experience, at least my experience has shown me that those are the same kind of people who will say “The store has plenty of candy bars, they won’t know or care if I steal one” or “they give out samples here, who cares if I go through the line and think “dinner!” when that isn’t really the point of the samples.
I
T puts the people you are dealing with in a bad position, they can’t really comment because technically you’re right, but they still feel betrayed.

I’m also concerned that you hopped into bed with your ex while you were picking up whatever was at his house, “Hey, I’m here to get my plates, and oh did you ever find that real nice picture of my mom, let’s f**ck” all while you were seemingly enjoying getting to know a new guy, or at least he thought that was what was happening? It’s just not a nice thing to do to well, anybody.

Your boyfriend probably thinks you are a liar and a cheat, why did you lie if you were behaving appropriately? If this guy made you feel you had to lie, why did you want to marry him?

You have poor impulse control which isn’t a trait healthy people like.
My husband wondered if your ex was hanging out just enough to give your boyfriend pause, and again, he really couldn’t say anything because “everybody has an ex”

Snooping wasn’t nice, though again, it’s only snooping if someone uses what they find in a way you don’t like, even if it’s to their advantage. He didn’t do anything wrong, op, he just ended the relationship. Nothing wrong with that, plus now you can go screw your ex.

You sound ignorant. The type of person who thinks they’re smart and gives armchair therapy advice with no actual credentials or common sense.

OP doesn’t owe you any explanation. We have all done things and made mistakes. One mistake doesn’t make OP a bad person. You clearly live on some moral high ground. I feel bad for the person who ends up with you.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t know old phones still worked if you upgraded. That’s my biggest question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know old phones still worked if you upgraded. That’s my biggest question.

Only the cellular part stops working when you remove the sim card. You can still use wifi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We met yesterday for dinner and got back together. I did lie to him but it was only because I realized I like him a lot and I worried he wouldn’t want to get serious with me if he found out I slept with my ex. Very immature on my part. He didn’t go snooping intentionally because he really was just looking through pics and wanted to see if I saved our texts. He admits what he did was wrong. I have never lied to him about anything else and he had never snooped through my stuff. He was upset about the lie, not the fact that I slept with my ex. He said he would have been okay if I told him. We have decided to get back together and give this another shot.

Troll better next time.

And on the extremely small chance you are not trolling. Please stay together so the rest of the dating world doesn't need to deal with you clowns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if he slept with someone during this break, you’re ok with that right?

OP here. Yes. Clearly it’s hard for you to read but he was never upset with me sleeping with my ex, only that I lied and said I wasn’t with anyone. I was single when I slept with my ex. He is only made that I lied to him about it.

NP here. You give the BF space. If he wants to discuss it, take ownership. By your own admission you said “I admit lying to him was stupid, but we were new, and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be with me if I told him I slept with my ex”. You lied to avoid dealing with the consequences of being truthful - which was taking the easy way out. Your BF also should have been given the opportunity to make his decision based on that information- even if it wasn’t the one you wanted him to make. Being afraid isn’t an excuse for lying and if I were the boyfriend I would want to understand is this part of the person’s character to lie to avoid consequences or was this a mistake/one off that they own and in the future would have the courage to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know old phones still worked if you upgraded. That’s my biggest question.

Only the cellular part stops working when you remove the sim card. You can still use wifi.

Thanks!! I did not know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know old phones still worked if you upgraded. That’s my biggest question.

OP here. It’s an older phone but still works. I have a ton of music on it that I use to play around the house or when I go for a walk or workout. You can’t text or call but I can still play the downloaded music on my phone and use the internet if I’m at home.

[Anonymous]

Would have been better if you swept it under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP! Seems silly to throw the relationship away due to a lapse in judgment. Wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

Glad it worked out! It’s a good sign that the “space” he needed wasn’t prolonged. Hopefully you guys can put this behind you and move on in a healthy way. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

OP you lied and about something huge. It's old information for you - over a year ago, but it's new information for him and I expect feels like a raw new betrayal.

Looks like you won't be marrying this one, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you lied and about something huge. It's old information for you - over a year ago, but it's new information for him and I expect feels like a raw new betrayal.

Looks like you won't be marrying this one, sorry.

Why chime in, 8 pages later, without having read the update?

[Anonymous]

Most of the men I know have a difficult time moving past cheating. You want to marry him, but he probably doesn't feel the same.