Boyfriend Asked For A Break

[Anonymous]

The relationship is over, OP. It's time to mourn.

He won't be getting over your lying to him on such an important issue.

[Anonymous]

This relationship is over. He will never fully trust you. I can’t blame him tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was telling him about sleeping with ANYbody before you were exclusive at all, and then coming clean about it later. It’s none of his business one way or the other! In the future, spare yourself the embarassment at all. I know its gauche to say this in 2022 but, a lady never tells!

Agreed. You weren’t exclusive. He’s being immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had you agreed to be exclusive, and then you slept with your ex? Had you had a convo where he asked if you’d slept with anyone recently maybe for std reasons and you lied?

OP here. We were not exclusive when I slept with my ex. It only happened one time and I quickly realized how much I liked my boyfriend and decided to ask him to be exclusive. I have never cheated on a partner and don’t sleep around. When I asked to be exclusive, he said he had stopped talking of others by our third date. He asked if I had been with anyone ( he knew somewhat of the history with my ex) and I told him I had not. I elected not to tell him because my ex and I had planned to get married but him being unsure about kids was a dealbreaker for me. We were very much in love and my ex wanted to make it work, and I didn’t want him to think I was confused or would go back to my ex. He is not upset that I slept with my ex, but that I lied about it.

How did he find out that you lied?

OP here. He found my old phone when we were cleaning out my apartment and he found the texts with me and my ex telling him that sleeping with him was a mistake and that I really liked my my boyfriend and wanted to see what happened with him. He confronted me and I told him the truth. He went home and then later told me he wanted a break to think things over.

How did he just happen to find texts from like a year ago? Either this is a troll, you're lying about how he found out for some reason, he massively massively snooped (like powered on your old phone and went through every text one by one) or he always had suspicions about your ex and went right to those messages....

OP here. My old phone still works and I use it often for music so I keep it charged. He see it while moving and knows it’s not my new phone. He said he looked at the pics because the screenshot was our first pic I took with him. Then he went to the messages and noticed a thread with my ex. I never deleted it because I upgraded my phone like two months in and only keep it at my place.

Yeah that’s still really fishy. Instead of just appreciating the cute lock-screen pic, he felt compelled to unlock your old phone to hunt for more cute pics, in the middle of a move no less…and then just happened to have fat thumbs and click on messages?

If you upgraded phones two months ago, it would take some extremely focused and exhaustive diligence on his end to find year+ old messages (especially since you don’t delete old threads). That’s not something he would casually “notice.” So either your story doesn’t add up, or he’s extremely untrusting of you and most likely not worth the investment.

[Anonymous]

Jeez - how old are you both? This seems like a very immature relationship.

[Anonymous]

Gotta love people blaming the BF for snooping. Well, he found something……

[Anonymous]

IMO he’s overreacting but give him the space he asks for. Don’t contact him nor try to fix it. You really didn’t do anything wrong. He’ll probably come back and my guess is he’s probably been dishonest about something with you which is why he’s so upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had you agreed to be exclusive, and then you slept with your ex? Had you had a convo where he asked if you’d slept with anyone recently maybe for std reasons and you lied?

OP here. We were not exclusive when I slept with my ex. It only happened one time and I quickly realized how much I liked my boyfriend and decided to ask him to be exclusive. I have never cheated on a partner and don’t sleep around. When I asked to be exclusive, he said he had stopped talking of others by our third date. He asked if I had been with anyone ( he knew somewhat of the history with my ex) and I told him I had not. I elected not to tell him because my ex and I had planned to get married but him being unsure about kids was a dealbreaker for me. We were very much in love and my ex wanted to make it work, and I didn’t want him to think I was confused or would go back to my ex. He is not upset that I slept with my ex, but that I lied about it.

How did he find out that you lied?

OP here. He found my old phone when we were cleaning out my apartment and he found the texts with me and my ex telling him that sleeping with him was a mistake and that I really liked my my boyfriend and wanted to see what happened with him. He confronted me and I told him the truth. He went home and then later told me he wanted a break to think things over.

How did he just happen to find texts from like a year ago? Either this is a troll, you're lying about how he found out for some reason, he massively massively snooped (like powered on your old phone and went through every text one by one) or he always had suspicions about your ex and went right to those messages....

OP here. My old phone still works and I use it often for music so I keep it charged. He see it while moving and knows it’s not my new phone. He said he looked at the pics because the screenshot was our first pic I took with him. Then he went to the messages and noticed a thread with my ex. I never deleted it because I upgraded my phone like two months in and only keep it at my place.

Yeah that’s still really fishy. Instead of just appreciating the cute lock-screen pic, he felt compelled to unlock your old phone to hunt for more cute pics, in the middle of a move no less…and then just happened to have fat thumbs and click on messages?

If you upgraded phones two months ago, it would take some extremely focused and exhaustive diligence on his end to find year+ old messages (especially since you don’t delete old threads). That’s not something he would casually “notice.” So either your story doesn’t add up, or he’s extremely untrusting of you and most likely not worth the investment.

OP here. We were casually packing things up. The phone doesn’t have a lock on it and I switched don’t two months into dating, not two months. The conversations are easy to pull up and we have a ton of pics on my phone. He said he looked because he wanted to see pics of me that I had on the old phone. Then he went to messages to see if I had kept our previous messages or if I deleted any of them. That’s when he found the thread with my ex. It’s really not hard to look back at messages. I’m not sure why you think it’s that exhaustive when you just click on messages, go to the person names, and it’s there. The last message I texted him was about us sleeping together. He did not need to go far back to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO he’s overreacting but give him the space he asks for. Don’t contact him nor try to fix it. You really didn’t do anything wrong. He’ll probably come back and my guess is he’s probably been dishonest about something with you which is why he’s so upset.

OP admits she did something wrong…..

[Anonymous]

Firstly, he was snooping. But I think you can give him a pass, though maybe he was having suspicions about something more recent even if unfounded?

Secondly, if you didn't have the exclusive talk, you really didn't do anything wrong. But I do think you have to admit that it would make anyone really insecure when they felt the beginning of the relationship was one thing, only to find out that they weren't as into you as you thought.

I would give him time and space. But I would first tell him how much you love him, how committed you are, apologize for not telling him and explain you were terrified. Tell him you want him in your life and you want to marry him (you did say this, yes?) and tell him you are starting counseling to better understand how this hurt him and you'd be willing to talk it through with him. You do NOT want this one mistake a year ago to derail what you thought was a beautiful life together.

You may just have to let him go. Maybe he'll come back, maybe not. But make clear to him that you want to be with him and you think it'd be a mistake to throw away what you have over a stupid mistake early on that wasn't technically cheating. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO he’s overreacting but give him the space he asks for. Don’t contact him nor try to fix it. You really didn’t do anything wrong. He’ll probably come back and my guess is he’s probably been dishonest about something with you which is why he’s so upset.

OP admits she did something wrong…..

This is an interesting angle. I could see his snooping being about him being up to something and using it as an excuse. Maybe he's got someone in mind and wants a "break" to mess around. Unless he was always insecure about being as handsome or whatever as OP's ex. Then it could just be that insecurity.

[Anonymous]

So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he totally had an idea about this. Otherwise why would he even go into your messages? This is over. Now don’t go back to your ex just bc you’re lonely.

She said he told her he wanted to look at her pics since the lock screen was their first pic together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You loved your ex and wanted to marry him and have his kids but so quickly you are devastated over this new guy? You cant build a relationship on lies and consolation prizes.

OP here. This is not even accurate. I was with my ex prior to my current boyfriend and he was unsure about wanting kids. I stayed in relationship way too long hoping that he would decide he wanted kids. He didn’t and I decided to end it. I met my boyfriend of almost a year a couple of months after breaking up with my ex. I slept with my ex once during the first month when I went back to collect my things. I realized I really liked my now boyfriend and told my ex that I had moved on and that I couldn’t be in contact with him. I told my boyfriend that night that I wanted to be exclusive.

You're a mess. Please sort yourself out before your next relationship.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong. You were not exclusive. It was and still is none of his business.

How he is handling is immature. He is not worth it. Next.