Am I being paranoid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s as if your DH can’t find male tutors? Troll or clueless OP. Thailand, are you kidding me?

What’s the point of catching him? Ask yourself that. Focus your energy on you.

Seriously. It sounds like he’s learning Spanish. Every other person speaks Spanish. I find it hard to believe he can’t find a guy.

OP here again. Almost all of his tutors have been women in the 20-30 age range. He says they are more energetic and upbeat than the generally older male tutors he’s interviewed. They also charge less.

Ok this is weird. If he truly wanted it to be a finance thing, he could save money by doing online classes with experienced teachers/native speakers living abroad (they often charge less than younger Americans). There were even free language exchanges online prior to the pandemic. Something stinks, OP.

He says he gets more out of in-person learning. He's done some stuff online before and he doesn't learn as much.

everyone gets more out of in person training than online. That's a true statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can fall in love with anyone if you spend enough time with them. Factor in also attractive and you are playing with fire.

Yes I would be concerned.

You obviously haven’t spent a lot of time with my colleagues.

Are they 25, hot, and alone with you for an extended time?

As a matter of fact...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s as if your DH can’t find male tutors? Troll or clueless OP. Thailand, are you kidding me?

What’s the point of catching him? Ask yourself that. Focus your energy on you.

Seriously. It sounds like he’s learning Spanish. Every other person speaks Spanish. I find it hard to believe he can’t find a guy.

OP here again. Almost all of his tutors have been women in the 20-30 age range. He says they are more energetic and upbeat than the generally older male tutors he’s interviewed. They also charge less.

A married man doesn't have to be a Mike Pence-type weirdo to know that it's probably more appropriate to have a tutor who isn't a woman young enough to be his daughter. Your husband could just be totally clueless in addition to innocent, but men who have integrity and a reasonable amount of insight would make the choice that avoids any hint of impropriety. There are many ways to learn a language that aren't unregulated private in-person sessions, and there clearly are men he could hire if that's the type of learning he really wants.

I'm not saying that he's doing anything inappropriate but unless he's one of those bumbling idiot types of men, he has to know how this might look to others, and particularly to you.

OP here. Maybe, but most of the au pairs we had years ago were pretty attractive, and they lived with us, so were around constantly. True, the age difference was not as great then, but it is not unusual for him to be around a younger woman in my presence (I think his hair stylist is a youngish woman too).

OP enjoying your posts about all the ways in which older men can encounter younger women - nanny, tutor, hairstylist, language immersion in Thailand (lol) oh my! Some people have noted that your DH might be gaslighting you by dismissing paranoia you claim to feel about him supposedly interacting with this supposed tutor, with your supposed hot nanny and with other women. But is it possible you are gaslighting us with your DCUM fan fiction to try to cultivate a sense of “paranoia” in your dear readers?

OP here, I'm sorry you think I am making this up. I didn't say he is gaslighting me. I haven't really expressed my concerns to him directly because I am worried I'm making too much of all this. Also, he did not do an immersion language training in Thailand, just said someday he'd like to.

My neighbor is going to keep an eye out tomorrow and email me, so I should know more soon. Thanks to all those who have given me support and good advice. It has helped to have a sounding board even if just an anonymous chat board.

[Anonymous]

My husband also likes to learn new languages and is presently taking a class in one. It meets online. He uses other apps and books to supplement. He doesn’t hire tutors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s as if your DH can’t find male tutors? Troll or clueless OP. Thailand, are you kidding me?

What’s the point of catching him? Ask yourself that. Focus your energy on you.

Seriously. It sounds like he’s learning Spanish. Every other person speaks Spanish. I find it hard to believe he can’t find a guy.

OP here again. Almost all of his tutors have been women in the 20-30 age range. He says they are more energetic and upbeat than the generally older male tutors he’s interviewed. They also charge less.

A married man doesn't have to be a Mike Pence-type weirdo to know that it's probably more appropriate to have a tutor who isn't a woman young enough to be his daughter. Your husband could just be totally clueless in addition to innocent, but men who have integrity and a reasonable amount of insight would make the choice that avoids any hint of impropriety. There are many ways to learn a language that aren't unregulated private in-person sessions, and there clearly are men he could hire if that's the type of learning he really wants.

I'm not saying that he's doing anything inappropriate but unless he's one of those bumbling idiot types of men, he has to know how this might look to others, and particularly to you.

OP here. Maybe, but most of the au pairs we had years ago were pretty attractive, and they lived with us, so were around constantly. True, the age difference was not as great then, but it is not unusual for him to be around a younger woman in my presence (I think his hair stylist is a youngish woman too).

OP enjoying your posts about all the ways in which older men can encounter younger women - nanny, tutor, hairstylist, language immersion in Thailand (lol) oh my! Some people have noted that your DH might be gaslighting you by dismissing paranoia you claim to feel about him supposedly interacting with this supposed tutor, with your supposed hot nanny and with other women. But is it possible you are gaslighting us with your DCUM fan fiction to try to cultivate a sense of “paranoia” in your dear readers?

OP here, I'm sorry you think I am making this up. I didn't say he is gaslighting me. I haven't really expressed my concerns to him directly because I am worried I'm making too much of all this. Also, he did not do an immersion language training in Thailand, just said someday he'd like to.

My neighbor is going to keep an eye out tomorrow and email me, so I should know more soon. Thanks to all those who have given me support and good advice. It has helped to have a sounding board even if just an anonymous chat board.

OP, this is what you said about your expressing your concern about his interactions with your nanny:

“I can't really describe anything concrete. But I talked to him about it and he made me see that there was nothing there, I was just overreacting.”

In response to what you posted, another poster said that makes it seem as though he is gaslighting you.

Also, your saying “I’m sorry you think ….” is classic gaslighting phraseology. Not clear who’s gaslighting whom here. Maybe that’s the point.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

Maybe, but does she usually dress nicely? A little bag could also just be for teaching materials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

Maybe, but does she usually dress nicely? A little bag could also just be for teaching materials.

Or sex toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

Now I’m really thinking this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

Maybe, but does she usually dress nicely? A little bag could also just be for teaching materials.

Yes she was nicely dressed when I met her. Not sure I can see an innocent explanation for the duffle bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My neighbor just called and told me the tutor was at the house for 2 hours. Also, she was dressed pretty nicely and carrying a little duffle bag. I think I have a problem.

You are a troll.

[Anonymous]

In my current state of mind I just can’t deal with the negativity here, so I’ll look for advice elsewhere. Thanks to all the kind people who gave me good advice before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my current state of mind I just can’t deal with the negativity here, so I’ll look for advice elsewhere. Thanks to all the kind people who gave me good advice before.

Bless your heart OP

[Anonymous]

Troll score: 8.5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my current state of mind I just can’t deal with the negativity here, so I’ll look for advice elsewhere. Thanks to all the kind people who gave me good advice before.

Urg. I’m sorry. But you should ignore the haters here! You CAN get good advice.