wife cheated - should I expose her on social?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

Leverage the sh*t out of this OP. Tell her that if she ever says anything other than you were a wonderful partner who she should have never left, you'll let it all out.

[Anonymous]

Tell us her username in IG I will write a comment for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

Leverage the sh*t out of this OP. Tell her that if she ever says anything other than you were a wonderful partner who she should have never left, you'll let it all out.

Most of those mommy and lifestyle bloggers are the biggest hypocrites out there. It is part of their narcissism. Two of the women I now with lifestyle/food/mommy blogs were all voracious cheaters. The image they portrayed was 'good wifey, good mother'. Failed on both accounts. Always dishing kid stuff on their husbands to free up time with their scummy APs.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your name connected with her? I mean, are her followers getting a bad impression about you specifically or just her unnamed ex-husband that no one would ever connect with you in real life?

If the former, you have grounds to set the record straight. If the matter, just block her and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

New poster. OP, see the bold. You will absolutely feed her need for attention if you post anything anywhere. Remember -- even "negative attention" is still attention, and if you push her by posting something, she absolutely sounds as if she would double down on her picture-perfect persona and make out that she's even more the victim: "Look at how nasty my ex is being! He's come onto social media JUST to upset poor single mommy me!" and so on.

Do. Not. Do. It. It will feel great, briefly, but then she will turn it back onto you at least for a while, even if she does end up called out and shamed as some PPs say. But your own posts will live forever online; nothing dies there; you will always be that guy who was cheated on and who couldn't resist "telling his truth" when his social-media-savvy ex just used his truth to cry all over the internet about how bad he really is for trying to turn people against her.

Not worth it, OP. She is taking up mental real estate in your head. Evict her.

As for "improved appearance" versus "chump" for you -- This doesn't matter. To whom do you want to appear vindicated, OP? Your real, honest-to-God actual friends and family should believe you already and won't be swayed further to your side by seeing social media posts by you. People who are mere acquaintances or who were mutual "friends" of you two as a couple, or total strangers who follow your ex on social media--well, why do you care that they're idiots being had by her? I get that you're the one being painted with lies, I really do, but engaging with her only gives her more oxygen to fuel her fire with those strangers and acquaintances. It will not convince them either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but in your wife's shoes. Ex wanted to post all over how I was a cheater or whatever.

If your wife makes money off of her social media following, you can get in big trouble for interfering with her ability to earn income. That's illegal. It's like calling her place of employment to report her for cheating, either it'll do nothing, or she can come after you for the money she lost as a result.

Judges also hate petty stuff like that. If you go to court and whine about what she said on social media, it's going to reflect poorly on you.

Also, it just makes you look petty and more at fault. Ex tried to expose me to many people and the vast majority just thought he was crazy.

Haha how do you figure it’s illegal? Is is illegal to mislead your followers? GTFO.

Because I spoke with multiple attorneys on the matter and had to threaten a lawsuit. I have a friend who went through a similar situation, he owned a dental practice and his ex-wife would try to sabotage his business. He finally had to sue her. You can't do that, it's illegal to interfere with someone's ability to earn income, and you can be held responsible for lost wages.

Everyone on social media misleads their followers. You think any of the fitness models you follow got that way through the diet and exercise program they're peddling you? Nope, it's genetics and performance-enhancing drugs.

I think you may have slightly misunderstood your lawyer. There is a cause of action for tortious interference with prospective advantage. But, one of the elements of the claim is that you have to negligently or intentionally breach a duty owed to the plaintiff.

The claim may have applied under whatever circumstances you were dealing with, but here, where OP would truthfully state that he is not the father, would not trigger a viable claim. He has no duty to her ex to pretend to be the father of her child or otherwise refrain from correcting any factual errors.

[Anonymous]

Please confirm that the child is not yours before you're on the hook for child support (unless you want to be involved in this child's life). If you were married when the child was born and you are named as the father on the birth certificate, there is a legal presumption that you are the father and party responsible for child support.

Anyhow, if your reputation (at your job or your community) is suffering because of the unfounded rumors, do see a lawyer to see if you have any options for putting a stop to them in as tactful of a way as possible.

[Anonymous]

Sue her for defamation and settle out of court. Make some money out of it or force her into another narrative where you are not mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

Leverage the sh*t out of this OP. Tell her that if she ever says anything other than you were a wonderful partner who she should have never left, you'll let it all out.

That's extortion and will get OP in a big legal mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please confirm that the child is not yours before you're on the hook for child support (unless you want to be involved in this child's life). If you were married when the child was born and you are named as the father on the birth certificate, there is a legal presumption that you are the father and party responsible for child support.

Anyhow, if your reputation (at your job or your community) is suffering because of the unfounded rumors, do see a lawyer to see if you have any options for putting a stop to them in as tactful of a way as possible.

OP already said he is not named on the birth certificate and his ex has been telling everyone she used a sperm donor. If that's in writing on her social media I'd make copies so it can't disappear later. Probably won't ever need that but just in case....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

Leverage the sh*t out of this OP. Tell her that if she ever says anything other than you were a wonderful partner who she should have never left, you'll let it all out.

That's extortion and will get OP in a big legal mess.

You don't know what extortion means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but in your wife's shoes. Ex wanted to post all over how I was a cheater or whatever.

If your wife makes money off of her social media following, you can get in big trouble for interfering with her ability to earn income. That's illegal. It's like calling her place of employment to report her for cheating, either it'll do nothing, or she can come after you for the money she lost as a result.

Judges also hate petty stuff like that. If you go to court and whine about what she said on social media, it's going to reflect poorly on you.

Also, it just makes you look petty and more at fault. Ex tried to expose me to many people and the vast majority just thought he was crazy.

Haha how do you figure it’s illegal? Is is illegal to mislead your followers? GTFO.

Because I spoke with multiple attorneys on the matter and had to threaten a lawsuit. I have a friend who went through a similar situation, he owned a dental practice and his ex-wife would try to sabotage his business. He finally had to sue her. You can't do that, it's illegal to interfere with someone's ability to earn income, and you can be held responsible for lost wages.

Everyone on social media misleads their followers. You think any of the fitness models you follow got that way through the diet and exercise program they're peddling you? Nope, it's genetics and performance-enhancing drugs.

I think you may have slightly misunderstood your lawyer. There is a cause of action for tortious interference with prospective advantage. But, one of the elements of the claim is that you have to negligently or intentionally breach a duty owed to the plaintiff.

The claim may have applied under whatever circumstances you were dealing with, but here, where OP would truthfully state that he is not the father, would not trigger a viable claim. He has no duty to her ex to pretend to be the father of her child or otherwise refrain from correcting any factual errors.

But OP doesn't want to simply state he's not the father. He wants to run a campaign to "expose" her for cheating. According to OP, all that his xW has said is that being a single mother is hard, which it is regardless of how the baby was conceived. If his response to such a statement is to smear her on social media when she's said nothing about him, he's going to run into problems.

We don't know the specifics of what went on in their marriage. But if OP is the type who wants to post all over social media about her when she's never actually said anything about him, my guess is that he wasn't a great husband. That's very vindictive and controlling behavior.

Also, it can very well backfire on him. All his xW would have to do is spin it as OP was a controlling, abusive spouse, and she cheated when someone who was kind to her came along. Him posting text messages to expose her will just play into that. And people love the drama, it'll likely get her even more attention. Unless her followers know who OP is and are trying to engage with him, best thing for OP since she hasn't actually said anything about him is to stay off of social media and leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

Leverage the sh*t out of this OP. Tell her that if she ever says anything other than you were a wonderful partner who she should have never left, you'll let it all out.

That's extortion and will get OP in a big legal mess.

You don't know what extortion means.

Threatening to release text messages if someone doesn't comply is extortion, plain and simple. Hopefully OP isn't listening to the bitter harpies on here and decides to move on with his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and had a baby with an ex that she hooked up with while visiting her parents for Christmas last year.
She kept the baby and neither one of them say they want to be together. I filed for divorce shortly after the baby was born.
My parents knew what was up, but I don't think her parents know/believe what happened. I think they are willfully playing ignorant.
She told her parents that the child was from a "donor."

She has a pretty big social media following (insta, youtube, etc.) and she went on social to announce the divorce and has been posting about how hard it is to be a single mother but how she is being strong for the baby because he is the most important thing.

She didn't directly say anything bad about me; however, all the commenters assumed I was at fault and they have made up all the various scenarios about how I must have been... abusive, or cheated, or controlling, etc. and how she is better off without me... There are people donating money to her because she has implied that she doesn't have any help to support herself. She hasn't deleted any of those sorts of comments. She leaves them up and it just becomes given that I'm wrong and she is a victim.

I don't like being vilified and I don't want all the rumors hanging around about me.

Should I post the txt messages and pictures I have that show what she was up to??

Don’t be stupid OP, chalk it up as a life experience and move on. Her social media following will only grow larger as people will want to follow her to hear about the angry husband. Similar situation backfired on a friend. He encouraged his wife to “date” outside their marriage bringing men and women into their marital home for threesomes with him.

When her “dating” life became became too much for him to handle, he cried foul and told her he wanted a divorce. He then filed for divorce claiming adultery. He told everyone he could that his wife ‘cheated’ for years and he was divorcing her. He posted on every social media platform that she was a cheater and cheated on him. He thought he was Mr Slick, telling everyone and anyone that would listen. That was until an attorney heard him boasting about it and contacted his wife.

That attorney convinced his wife to press slander charges against her husband, followed by assault and sex offender charges. She claimed he forced sex upon her without consent, photographed and videotaped her having sex with others without her knowledge or consent.

Turns out, she was awarded the divorce, a healthy $5k/month alimony and boisterous husband was charged with multiple charges of assault. Her attorney reconsidered the sex offender charges as that would had drastic financial implications on his clients alimony with minimum sentencing of ten years if convicted. He was ordered to pay all lawyers fees and court costs, and was given a three year sentence with all but twelve months suspended and five years supervised probation. He’s out of pocket $100k at his sentencing for twelve months alimony paid upfront into an escrow account, attorney fees and court costs.

Be careful what you wish for. This husband thought he had the upper hand, that is until someone smarter than him spoke with his soon to be ex-wife, and look who had the tables turned on him.

[Anonymous]

I love drama, so I'm team GO FOR IT!