wife cheated - should I expose her on social?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just out of curiosity, did she put you on the birth certificate? If so, did you get it corrected? Do you have to pay child support in the divorce even if it’s not your child because you were married at the time of the birth? Does the actual father have to pay support? Is she telling other people besides her parents that it was a donor? What reason did she give her parents for using a donor behind your back? Did she claim that you wouldn’t give her a child (or couldn’t) and she just wanted one?

I am curious about this too. OP, your ex is a nasty piece of work. Unfollow her on social media. Take the high road. I would set the record straight with her parents and any close friends.

[Anonymous]

Children or not completely disengage with her OP. Consider her dead which will make your life much better.

If you have kids, only meet at a neutral place for the exchanges. Otherwise parent solely, or if you end up getting a new partner someday parent with them.

Yes get off her social media, not sure why you would be monitoring all that.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

Well my goodness! Then you should be happy to be rid of that trash.

Move on and stop spying on her. You will never have to see her, or engage with her ever again....you are quite lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

This is so common with women cheaters. Always about the exit affair that almost never manifests. Now she's alone left high and dry by her AP with a kid and no child support. How's that working out for her ?

I get your frustration. She's trash and now has to face those consequences. Since you have no ties together and no kids, the best you can do is completely 100% forget. If it's really bugging you---why not a marriage annulment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

Honestly I think you should say something, even if it’s something as simple as “congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you and the father make great parents. I hope to have children of my own one day”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation but in your wife's shoes. Ex wanted to post all over how I was a cheater or whatever.

If your wife makes money off of her social media following, you can get in big trouble for interfering with her ability to earn income. That's illegal. It's like calling her place of employment to report her for cheating, either it'll do nothing, or she can come after you for the money she lost as a result.

Judges also hate petty stuff like that. If you go to court and whine about what she said on social media, it's going to reflect poorly on you.

Also, it just makes you look petty and more at fault. Ex tried to expose me to many people and the vast majority just thought he was crazy.

Haha how do you figure it’s illegal? Is is illegal to mislead your followers? GTFO.

Because I spoke with multiple attorneys on the matter and had to threaten a lawsuit. I have a friend who went through a similar situation, he owned a dental practice and his ex-wife would try to sabotage his business. He finally had to sue her. You can't do that, it's illegal to interfere with someone's ability to earn income, and you can be held responsible for lost wages.

Everyone on social media misleads their followers. You think any of the fitness models you follow got that way through the diet and exercise program they're peddling you? Nope, it's genetics and performance-enhancing drugs.

[Anonymous]

I'd say something. Maybe not necessarily post the texts/emails/pictures but I would post something to make it clear you aren't the father.

I don't understand the need to protect cheaters.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a lawyer but this sounds like you could sue for defamation. Lawyers to chime in?

[Anonymous]

OP move on.

You need to get to a healthy place, and you're dragging it out.

Do the 180.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a lawyer but this sounds like you could sue for defamation. Lawyers to chime in?

Lol, no.

[Anonymous]

OP, no matter what you do you cannot control what these people say and think about you. You are responsible for your own actions and what you know is true, not for the reactions of others.

If you need reassurance that you are not an abusive husband who abandoned his child (this is the narrative you’re fighting), no amount of calling her out on the Internet will provide that reassurance for you. You need to find it in yourself and not give a crap what others believe. Those who know you know the truth.

Additionally I think it’s naive to think that People On the Internet will see they are wrong and “side” with you.

[Anonymous]

^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

No, I'm not on the birth certificate.
No child support required. She isn't pressing for that because she doesn't want stuff made public.
No children in common.
I have zero social media.
It isn't about my family and friends. The scale of her online presence goes well beyond that.
Yes I'm hurting, but mostly past the anger.
Why should I carry the public shame of things that I didn't do?
Does "taking the high road" actually improve my character or appearance or does it simply make me a chump?
My quiet appears to simply fit with the typical "men are bad but single mothers are strong" narrative and I hate that because she wasn't "escaping an abusive marriage" rather she started to believe her own filtered and photo shopped hype and thought she could trade up or get $$.
I really don't want to do things that will churn up more attention for her because she loves attention and I don't want to give her that.

Get a lawyer and go public with what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I disagree. Some of the mommy bloggers who had their secret lives (cheating, alcoholism, etc.) exposed have been vilified on the Internet. If I was following someone who built their brand on integrity and the struggles of single motherhood and she was exposed to be a cheater who was pregnant by her AP and tried to grab sympathy from that by suggesting otherwise, I would definitely question everything else that "influencer" posted and would stop following.

My larger point is, no matter what her followers do it will not bring OP the reassurance he is seeking.