Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe this is even a question-
1. I would not leave a two year old for a week, period.
2. I would not leave a two year old with special needs no matter what.
3. What kind of parent goes on vacation and leaves a child behind at Christmas?

Unreal that this is even worth asking. You cancel, of course.

[Anonymous]

It is heartless to leave a 2 year old with a nanny while you all go on vacation, no matter how you slice it. Add to that a special holiday.

Also, I'm curious why your nanny has weird logistical reasons to not be with her family for Christmas, did you not give her enough time off so she could be with her family?

I would either go on trip and lower your expectations for travel with your child, or cancel. (You have 3 adults that can rotate taking care of him!)
But no way, would I ever leave a child home for that long. Let alone Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Leaving your special needs kid at Christmas with nanny. Do you hear yourself OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the actual F op. Say kid is 23.5 months (flight attendants don’t know) and obviously take him or don’t go. I’m sorry this post wins an award for worst parenting worst person ever.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

You can't change your itinerary because of the holiday volume but feel confident you can get back within 24 hours if there's a medical emergency?

Your nanny may be happy at making $$$ but does she really want to be 100% responsible for a full week with no back ups or breaks for a child that may have a medical emergency? You say you have family nearby but if you have not scheduled them to give her a break, don't plan on them helping unless it's catastrophic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a problem going on trips without my kids. But at SOME point your kid will look back and realize you left him with the nanny on Christmas to go to the beach. That will leave a mark.

It sounds like maybe the son's condition is such that he will not grasp concepts like this. And no, there's no reason he will find out about something that happened when he was 2. When I was 2 my parents left me with my grandmother, aunt, and cousins to go to India for 6 weeks. I have no recollection of it, the only way I know about it is through the adorable photos they took of me feeding spaghetti to my cousin by hand. I don't feel resentful or abandoned in the least.

Uh, you literally just explained how he will find out that it happened -- there will be photos and memories of this vacation. And at 2 it's hard for anyone to know what he may understand when he is older.

If you go, please do not do so on the premise that your SN child won't know the difference and won't remember anyway because he has SN. And definitely don't ask your 5 year old to go on a vacation and then never speak of it again so that her younger brother doesn't know about the time the whole family when on a holiday vacation without him and left him with a nanny (not family, but a nanny who may not even be in his life when he is old enough to understand what happened, unlike the situation with your extended family). This is not the sort of secret you should introduce into your family dynamic and the mere fact that people think it's something you should keep from your son indicates that maybe it's something you shouldn't do? Like if this is an a-ok thing to do, why all the fretting? Just tell the toddler mommy and daddy and sissy are going away for a week and he's going to have fun time with the nanny and you will see him next year, no big deal.

Except actually I think OP knows it's a big deal and that's why she's looking for someone to tell her it's okay. Which some people have. I personally could not do this, even as a SN parent who needs a break. It wouldn't be a break for me, it would feel terrible and I'd miss my son.

[Anonymous]

If it were me I would go, bring nanny, bring a dr letter documenting age and special needs (can’t hurt to have that to plead with airline staff if needed), and bring a box of disposable kids masks as well as a scarf or gaiter type thing and just be in a constant state of putting the mask back on to get through the flight. It’ll suck but so would canceling.

[Anonymous]

I just posted saying go but fwiw I don’t think it’s heartless at all to leave him home if he will be well cared for and having fun. If that works for you just do it.

[Anonymous]

I get that there are many additional factors, OP, but what would you think if you saw the subject line? It just does not seem like something a loving family would do.

I might take a chance and try to get him on the flight, but I wouldn't leave him home over the holidays while the rest of the family travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving your special needs kid at Christmas with nanny. Do you hear yourself OP?

I really try not to judge parents on this site because people are very mean, especially to mothers, but this one made my jaw drop. He's basically a baby? And he has special medical needs and the trip is out of the country? And there is no one available to provide the nanny with breaks or back up?

Honestly, this isn't even about the Christmas part to me as I am not that into holidays, though I'm sure for some folks that makes it worse. And it's not like I don't think OP should ever be away from her kids -- as she's said, she and her DH have both traveled for work for up to 5 days and that's not a big deal. But this is something else as she clearly realizes and I just cannot imagine doing this under any circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a problem going on trips without my kids. But at SOME point your kid will look back and realize you left him with the nanny on Christmas to go to the beach. That will leave a mark.

It sounds like maybe the son's condition is such that he will not grasp concepts like this. And no, there's no reason he will find out about something that happened when he was 2. When I was 2 my parents left me with my grandmother, aunt, and cousins to go to India for 6 weeks. I have no recollection of it, the only way I know about it is through the adorable photos they took of me feeding spaghetti to my cousin by hand. I don't feel resentful or abandoned in the least.

Uh, you literally just explained how he will find out that it happened -- there will be photos and memories of this vacation. And at 2 it's hard for anyone to know what he may understand when he is older.

If you go, please do not do so on the premise that your SN child won't know the difference and won't remember anyway because he has SN. And definitely don't ask your 5 year old to go on a vacation and then never speak of it again so that her younger brother doesn't know about the time the whole family when on a holiday vacation without him and left him with a nanny (not family, but a nanny who may not even be in his life when he is old enough to understand what happened, unlike the situation with your extended family). This is not the sort of secret you should introduce into your family dynamic and the mere fact that people think it's something you should keep from your son indicates that maybe it's something you shouldn't do? Like if this is an a-ok thing to do, why all the fretting? Just tell the toddler mommy and daddy and sissy are going away for a week and he's going to have fun time with the nanny and you will see him next year, no big deal.

Except actually I think OP knows it's a big deal and that's why she's looking for someone to tell her it's okay. Which some people have. I personally could not do this, even as a SN parent who needs a break. It wouldn't be a break for me, it would feel terrible and I'd miss my son.

I also literally just explained that it bothered me not one jot to learn of my "abandonment." How fragile to be upset about something that happened decades ago that affected you not at all until you saw the photos.

[Anonymous]

Do not leave him! Mom of 2.5 year old and one month old. My 2.5 year old would be inconsolable. I would be inconsolable. I can’t imagine enjoying myself in this scenario.

My friend is traveling (flying) with her 2 year old over Thanksgiving and is getting a doctor’s note. No delays, but he hates masks and just turned 2. My mom friends that have flown said that as long as parents are not anti-maskers and apologetic flight attendants usually look the other way if a 2 year old is resistant to wearing a mask.

If the doctor’s note isn’t enough from the airline then just cancel.

[Anonymous]

Would people change their minds about this if it was a January 25 departure? What if the child was left with a family member?

I just don’t see why the December 25 departure and the long term nanny are such bad things for the 2 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a career nanny and I think some of the posters giving out guilt trips are also coming from a place of just not getting the nanny dynamic. If she has been his nanny since birth then he feels totally comfortable and safe with her. She knows (and probably helped you all to figure out) exactly what his special needs are as well as any emergency protocols. As a nanny I have taken kids on road trips without parents (including one where we had to stop at an ER and one where we were snowed in and had to stay in a hotel an extra night). I also once took some charges home with me for thanksgiving when there was a sudden death in the family and the parents wanted to be there for their family members. I have also worked with SN or medically complicated kids and it really makes for a tight dynamic with the nanny and parents. I have been to tons of specialist appointments and therapy appointments and worked as a team with parents to make sure their kid has the best possible care.

You sound great but I still wouldn't want my kid to have a seizure with a nanny when I'm 24 hrs away (or maybe 3 weeks away if I get covid travelling.)

[Anonymous]

I would cancel and rebook another time.