Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

Do not leave your 2yo home alone for a week for christmas! Holy crap, that is awful. He won’t know it’s Christmas, but the 5yo does and I can only imagine the number of times it will come up over the years that his parents left him alone for Christmas to go on vacation. If there were extenuating circumstances, like visiting a dying parent or sibling, I could see leaving him in an emergency.

If I were you, I’d cancel the whole trip. Maybe plan something for the spring when he will be older and maybe able to wear a mask better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How comfortable do you feel about being out of the country if your two year old has a medical emergency in the nanny's care? How comfortable does she feel?

Op here. More comfortable than if a medical emergency happens while we are traveling with DS in a foreign country. Our medical team is in our home city and I trust our nanny completely to handle it (she’s been there through DS’ various appointments and hospitalizations in the last 18 months). We also have other family in home city that could support her. I assume it would be max 24 hours before I could be back to take over.

If something were to happen with DS, I’d much rather he be home than in a foreign country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not leave your 2yo home alone for a week for christmas! Holy crap, that is awful. He won’t know it’s Christmas, but the 5yo does and I can only imagine the number of times it will come up over the years that his parents left him alone for Christmas to go on vacation. If there were extenuating circumstances, like visiting a dying parent or sibling, I could see leaving him in an emergency.

If I were you, I’d cancel the whole trip. Maybe plan something for the spring when he will be older and maybe able to wear a mask better.

Op here. The trip is largely non-refundable and we won’t have money or leave time for another trip until next Christmas. This is our one shot at a vacation this year.

Due to his developmental challenges, it is unlikely he will be compliant with a mask by spring regardless. We will have to plan on car trips for the next several years I think.

He wouldn’t be alone-this nanny has been in his life literally since the day he was born-she was with us at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL Sounds like you don't like your 2-year-old very much. Who even contemplates taking their entire family but one child and abandoning them for a week at Christmas?

Op here. Well we booked the trip with him, we never intended for it to go like this. We have his passport and plane ticket and are renting a house with enough space for all of us.

But as the trip approaches and we’ve learned more about his condition (he wasn’t diagnosed until Jan 2021) and his inability to comply with mask mandate, we are looking at our options.

I would never have planned the trip this way at the outset but I booked everything nearly a year ago.

[Anonymous]

I think you can do it with nobody permanently emotionally scarred but don’t tell anyone you are doing it because it sounds pretty bad. If you do it, celebrate Christmas the week before you leave, make it a big deal, and then have the 25th be a normal day for your 5 yo. I’d also consider options like you go away with dh and leave both kids with the nanny ( maybe for a partial week) or you and your mom go for a few days (or a combo of both).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can do it with nobody permanently emotionally scarred but don’t tell anyone you are doing it because it sounds pretty bad. If you do it, celebrate Christmas the week before you leave, make it a big deal, and then have the 25th be a normal day for your 5 yo. I’d also consider options like you go away with dh and leave both kids with the nanny ( maybe for a partial week) or you and your mom go for a few days (or a combo of both).

Op here. Yeah I won’t be telling anyone that’s for sure, if we end up going.

We already blew our travel budget on this trip snd can’t afford to plan another one in its place.

Our flight isn’t until the evening of the 25th so we’d still have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together up until the afternoon.

I guess another option is bring him and just hope we don’t get kicked off the plane but again, he is HUGE and looks much older than he is so I’m unsure that would work.

I already tried to make the trip a bit shorter so we’d be gone less time, but since it’s Christmas/New Years week the flights are super difficult to change at this point.

[Anonymous]

It honestly sounds like the mask issue on the plane is not the problem but that he’s difficult to take care of in general and you don’t really want to bring him. If you really need a break, leave him but have 1-2 back ups back home in case something goes wrong with the nanny.

Sometimes parents of special needs kids need a break and that’s OK. I would strongly suggest celebrating Christmas early or when you get back. It could be emotionally damaging for your 5 year old to see his little brother abandoned on Christmas. The two year old won’t understand but the five year old will.

[Anonymous]

This will be an unpopular opinion because it does feel bad to non-SN parents who won’t get it. But here is what I would do:

1) Make a plan with grandparents and nanny and tell kids that Christmas Day is either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas. Whichever day you choose, THAT’S when Santa comes, that’s when you open presents and stockings and whatever other traditions. Your 5 won’t know what day it is supposed to be and that removes the “Why did we leave my brother out of Christmas?” factor.

2) Arrange for nanny to watch him.

3) Go an enjoy a non-Christmas family vacation with Grandparents.

Older siblings of kids with SN miss out on a lot because their sibling just can’t functionally participate and there’s no way to leave them out. If 2yo is with a beloved and trusted caregiver, he won’t mind being left out of the trip, but the 5yo will cherish that time that he got to be part of a “normal” family vacation where the attention was on him, not on making sure his brother’s needs are met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It honestly sounds like the mask issue on the plane is not the problem but that he’s difficult to take care of in general and you don’t really want to bring him. If you really need a break, leave him but have 1-2 back ups back home in case something goes wrong with the nanny.

Sometimes parents of special needs kids need a break and that’s OK. I would strongly suggest celebrating Christmas early or when you get back. It could be emotionally damaging for your 5 year old to see his little brother abandoned on Christmas. The two year old won’t understand but the five year old will.

Op here. There are potential solutions to the difficulty in taking care of him (we could bring the nanny for example, or hire one locally for a few chunks of time). The mask issue is a huge one. I’m afraid of being kicked off the flight. And also yes I would love a break from him too, but there are ways to tackle that. I can’t find a solution to the mask problem. Our doc will give us documentation but the airline said it doesn’t matter-we shouldn’t fly if he can’t wear a mask.

[Anonymous]

I would never ever leave a child behind. You can still get covid vaccinated and bring it back to him. Stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever leave a child behind. You can still get covid vaccinated and bring it back to him. Stay home.

Op here. Well we’ve all had Covid, and been vaxxed, and had boosters, and 5 yo will be fully vaxxed too. Plus we have to test negative to get back to US, and transmission is very low where we’re going. It’s good enough for me.

[Anonymous]

Based on the follow-ups, DO NOT CANCEL!!!!


And ignore the posters telling you that you don’t like your SN kid. You can be realistic and say that a particular situation will be a nightmare with a particular kid while still loving and liking that kid. I would argue that the most loving thing is to NOT put him in a situation where he is doomed to fail.


It sounds like your 2yo has significant needs that are difficult to manage at the best of times and that you hadn’t figured out when you booked the trip. Obviously, going forward it is better if you plan trips that work for the whole family, but that is a problem for next year, when you have more understanding of his needs.

Celebrate the 24th, and on the 25th, go without guilt! He will be totally happy with his nanny all to himself.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't do this. I would bring the nanny on the vacation instead.

[Anonymous]

The trip is non refundable, but have you looked into whether you can make changes to the itinerary or receive travel credits for future use? The boy reason why it sounds so bad to leave the 2 year old is because it’s over Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The trip is non refundable, but have you looked into whether you can make changes to the itinerary or receive travel credits for future use? The boy reason why it sounds so bad to leave the 2 year old is because it’s over Christmas.

That’s supposed to say “The only reason why…”