Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t leave the two year old. That seems heartless.

I would call the airline and ask about ADA accommodations for masking. They got a bad rap because of Facebook nonsense but a true special needs child like yours is entitled to use an airplane.

Nope. No one is "entitled to use an airplane" if they can't comply with a mandate that is a matter of public health. Even Disney, possibly the most accommodating company around, still requires masks.


OP, what does the nanny want to do? If you're really leaving on Christmas night, I think it would be just fine if nanny is on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be an unpopular opinion because it does feel bad to non-SN parents who won’t get it. But here is what I would do:

1) Make a plan with grandparents and nanny and tell kids that Christmas Day is either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas. Whichever day you choose, THAT’S when Santa comes, that’s when you open presents and stockings and whatever other traditions. Your 5 won’t know what day it is supposed to be and that removes the “Why did we leave my brother out of Christmas?” factor.

2) Arrange for nanny to watch him.

3) Go an enjoy a non-Christmas family vacation with Grandparents.

Older siblings of kids with SN miss out on a lot because their sibling just can’t functionally participate and there’s no way to leave them out. If 2yo is with a beloved and trusted caregiver, he won’t mind being left out of the trip, but the 5yo will cherish that time that he got to be part of a “normal” family vacation where the attention was on him, not on making sure his brother’s needs are met.

The kid is 5. I seriously doubt they care.

I say - draw straws with your DH and one of you stays with DS2 and one of you goes with DS 5. Maybe see if the "winner" can take a friend or relative in the "loser's" place. It's not just leaving the 2 year old home; it's leaving a medically complex 2 year old for an entire week. I would not be ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever leave a child behind. You can still get covid vaccinated and bring it back to him. Stay home.

good point. the whole family could get covid and have to quarantine for weeks abroad. then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can do it with nobody permanently emotionally scarred but don’t tell anyone you are doing it because it sounds pretty bad. If you do it, celebrate Christmas the week before you leave, make it a big deal, and then have the 25th be a normal day for your 5 yo. I’d also consider options like you go away with dh and leave both kids with the nanny ( maybe for a partial week) or you and your mom go for a few days (or a combo of both).

Op here. Yeah I won’t be telling anyone that’s for sure, if we end up going.

We already blew our travel budget on this trip snd can’t afford to plan another one in its place.

Our flight isn’t until the evening of the 25th so we’d still have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together up until the afternoon.

I guess another option is bring him and just hope we don’t get kicked off the plane but again, he is HUGE and looks much older than he is so I’m unsure that would work.

I already tried to make the trip a bit shorter so we’d be gone less time, but since it’s Christmas/New Years week the flights are super difficult to change at this point.

I'd still move Christmas earlier. You want to disconnect them in your kids' mind, so Christmas was a nice family thing and the trip is totally separate. Put a few days between them and the kids won't associate one with the other. Plus, you will be packing and stressed about leaving on the 25th and it won't feel like a real holiday.

Realistically I think the odds of you guys getting kicked off the plane are very low. It's Christmas, he's two (bring documentation), and people are not as vehement about masking as they were a few months ago. If you could tie on or attach a mask to him for boarding and takeoff, you'd probably get away with it. But I get that it would be very stressful to roll the dice like that.

[Anonymous]

Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

[Anonymous]

Cancel. 100%. You will never get over the guilt you will feel for leaving your two-year-old at home by himself with a nanny for a week at Christmas. I wouldn’t even leave a puppy at home with a pet sitter for a week and you’re seriously considering leaving your baby at home?!?!

[Anonymous]

I actually think celebrating Xmas on the day is fine, and I understand needing a break and your concern about flying.

With all of that said, when does the nanny get a break? What would she have done on Christmas if you'd been able to take the little one with you? Is she missing time with her own family?

Moreover, your son sounds challenging. What are you going to do for her after a full week of caring for him 24 hours a day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

This. I personally would be devastated to spend my holiday without my child, especially knowing he was home with the nanny while the entire family was out of the country. Like I would spend the entire week feeling sad and missing him, if I even made it that long. I would probably book a flight back, even if it was just me, within three days because I know I'd be too miserable. And then I'd be in the position of either making the whole family leave their vacation to come home, or spending Christmas apart with me home with the 2 year old and DH in the Caribbean with the 5 year old. Both sound awful.

For me this is a no brainer, even given the expense. I feel like the money is a loss no matter what because the vacation is ruined if your youngest can't come.

[Anonymous]

Is your Nanny ok with watching your son for a week during the holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be an unpopular opinion because it does feel bad to non-SN parents who won’t get it. But here is what I would do:

1) Make a plan with grandparents and nanny and tell kids that Christmas Day is either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas. Whichever day you choose, THAT’S when Santa comes, that’s when you open presents and stockings and whatever other traditions. Your 5 won’t know what day it is supposed to be and that removes the “Why did we leave my brother out of Christmas?” factor.

2) Arrange for nanny to watch him.

3) Go an enjoy a non-Christmas family vacation with Grandparents.

Older siblings of kids with SN miss out on a lot because their sibling just can’t functionally participate and there’s no way to leave them out. If 2yo is with a beloved and trusted caregiver, he won’t mind being left out of the trip, but the 5yo will cherish that time that he got to be part of a “normal” family vacation where the attention was on him, not on making sure his brother’s needs are met.

+1
Celebrate Christmas before you go or after. I very seldom have left my kids for any length of time, but what this poster is saying makes sense.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would try every day to work on the mask compliance. Find the most breathable mask you can, and work on it a little bit every day with treats, etc - for example, give him an M&M if he can stay in the mask for 5 minutes, then 10, etc. I would take a shot at the trip - worst case you are kicked off the flight and lose your money. Second option would be to cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I honestly think you're not thinking straight because of the money involved. Forget the money. It's a loss. Do you REALLY feel ok leaving your 2 year old for a whole week?

Op here. I’d prefer it be closer to 5 nights, but yes I’m 100% ok with leaving my child for a week. I would not have architected the trip in this manner, but as a general matter yes I am ok with leaving my children at times (and I have done so for work, as has DH, and we’ve gone away together for short trips, but never in this manner with the whole family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your Nanny ok with watching your son for a week during the holidays?

Op here. She’s thrilled because her family is away and she’d otherwise be alone without much to do. She’s also going to make a ton of $$ that week. She was at the hospital when DS was born and is like an extra parent to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be an unpopular opinion because it does feel bad to non-SN parents who won’t get it. But here is what I would do:

1) Make a plan with grandparents and nanny and tell kids that Christmas Day is either the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas. Whichever day you choose, THAT’S when Santa comes, that’s when you open presents and stockings and whatever other traditions. Your 5 won’t know what day it is supposed to be and that removes the “Why did we leave my brother out of Christmas?” factor.

2) Arrange for nanny to watch him.

3) Go an enjoy a non-Christmas family vacation with Grandparents.

Older siblings of kids with SN miss out on a lot because their sibling just can’t functionally participate and there’s no way to leave them out. If 2yo is with a beloved and trusted caregiver, he won’t mind being left out of the trip, but the 5yo will cherish that time that he got to be part of a “normal” family vacation where the attention was on him, not on making sure his brother’s needs are met.

I agree with this. My oldest has significant SNs and her younger brothers have missed out on a lot. I think people who don't have that dynamic don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I would cancel the trip. I was left home a lot while my family went on vacations without me due to behavior problems, and although I stayed with my grandparents and had a great time as an adult I look back at how f**ked up that was that they left me behind.

Work on finding something you can all do together.