Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.

I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.

I should have mentioned: Do make it a quick call. This might not be an issue for you, but some people make it difficult to end a call, so that 3 minute call becomes a 30 minute call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.

I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.

Why are you advocating for the OP to go against the boundary the DIL put into place? This is not going to bode well for her son and their marriage. This is basically going behind DIL's back and conveying a message that her boundaries and what she wants for her marriage don't matter. DIL already very plainly stated that they are going screen free for 2 weeks which means no calls so OP can go 2 weeks without talking to her son she will be ok.

I would not be happy if we set a boundary with my MIL and then behind my back approached my husband and basically in so many words told him to do it anyways. That would make me resent my MIL and not want to be around her.

If OP's son takes phone calls from his mother than that goes against the who screen free premise that DIL wanted in the first place and opens it up to her talking to her family and friends and defeats the purpose of screen free.

I'm sorry but OP doesn't get a say in her son's marriage at all. She isn't married to him and this isn't her vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.

I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.

I should have mentioned: Do make it a quick call. This might not be an issue for you, but some people make it difficult to end a call, so that 3 minute call becomes a 30 minute call.

Are you freaking joking right now? Despite the fact that the DIL said they are going completely screen free you are suggesting that OP completely ignore DIL's wishes for her marriage and what her and her son want while on vacation and then go behind DIL's back and ask to do it anyways. Then continue ignoring that boundary and call anyways. We'll see how this bodes for her relationship with her DIL down the road.

You sound like you would be a nightmare, self absorbed, boundary stomping MIL.

[Anonymous]

Such a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.



I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.

But what if your wife wanted to be screen free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.

I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.

Why are you advocating for the OP to go against the boundary the DIL put into place? This is not going to bode well for her son and their marriage. This is basically going behind DIL's back and conveying a message that her boundaries and what she wants for her marriage don't matter. DIL already very plainly stated that they are going screen free for 2 weeks which means no calls so OP can go 2 weeks without talking to her son she will be ok.

I would not be happy if we set a boundary with my MIL and then behind my back approached my husband and basically in so many words told him to do it anyways. That would make me resent my MIL and not want to be around her.

If OP's son takes phone calls from his mother than that goes against the who screen free premise that DIL wanted in the first place and opens it up to her talking to her family and friends and defeats the purpose of screen free.

I'm sorry but OP doesn't get a say in her son's marriage at all. She isn't married to him and this isn't her vacation.

I guess I wasn't clear if the son who said that. Perhaps it would be better to confirm: "DIL said that you wouldn't be communicating with family while you're away. Is that right?" If he says yes, then definitely accept it. If he seems surprised or confused, then "Well, if you have a few minutes to check in, it would be nice, but if not we'll talk when you get back." seems innocuous. And she definitely shouldn't call him unless it's an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

OMG you’re so embarrassing. It’s like a toddler got hold of an iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

I hope you are a troll, but if not, please look around you at the rare DCUM consensus and realize you’re in the wrong here. Regardless of what you do day-to-day, it’s absolutely reasonable for your son to be off the grid during his vacation. Hell, DH and I went to Australia and New Zealand early in our marriage and did not contact anybody in our family for 3 weeks. Nobody minded or made us feel obligated. It was our time to be free of everyone and everything. Don’t be a shackle around your son. Maybe get a hobby so you stop being co-dependent

[Anonymous]

This can’t be a real thread right? No one would be this clueless.

[Anonymous]

Contact with parents is a wonderful thing, but in my mind, vacation is vacation and should be off-limits to anyone who's not on that vacation as well (that includes colleagues, family members, the insurance rep that you've been trying to reach...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

Google enmeshed relationships.

Had never heard that before. Hahaha

[Anonymous]

OP, what is so hard about you accepting your son and his wife’s plan for an unplugged vacation? This doesn’t sound healthy at all. How’s your life and happiness? Do you need to invest in friends or a hobby? A two week unplugged vacation is just not that big of a deal. Respect their wishes.

[Anonymous]

I guess if everyone unanimously agrees that I'm being overbearing and not respecting my son and his wife that I just got to accept that I won't hear from my son for 2 weeks. Maybe I'll plan an outing with some girlfriends one evening. I do work but it's part time. I am married but my husband works a ton so we aren't around each other much. Maybe he can take some time off and we can do something like day trips or even an overnight trip ourselves.

I just wish it was my son who relayed the message to me and not my DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess if everyone unanimously agrees that I'm being overbearing and not respecting my son and his wife that I just got to accept that I won't hear from my son for 2 weeks. Maybe I'll plan an outing with some girlfriends one evening. I do work but it's part time. I am married but my husband works a ton so we aren't around each other much. Maybe he can take some time off and we can do something like day trips or even an overnight trip ourselves.

I just wish it was my son who relayed the message to me and not my DIL.

I think you need a life OP. You sound lonely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess if everyone unanimously agrees that I'm being overbearing and not respecting my son and his wife that I just got to accept that I won't hear from my son for 2 weeks. Maybe I'll plan an outing with some girlfriends one evening. I do work but it's part time. I am married but my husband works a ton so we aren't around each other much. Maybe he can take some time off and we can do something like day trips or even an overnight trip ourselves.

I just wish it was my son who relayed the message to me and not my DIL.

Your son probably has no backbone with you. He knew that you would guilt trip him into calling you.