Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

Then you are going to create problems between you and your DIL. You are also going to create problems between your son and his wife and put him in a horrible position. But I’m guessing you don’t care.

1. I think DIL knows her MIL by now, so I don’t think any new strain will start there.
2. I think this MIL is the one that loves her nieces and nephews like they’re her own.
3. Nothing wrong talking to your child daily if they like to.
4. DIL doesn’t have ownership of her husband regarding him talking to his own mother
5. Son and DIL can both ask/enforce a phone free vacation to each other. Meeting each other’s needs is part of marriage.
6. Maybe they can take MIL to vacation with them. They can all sleep together in case mamma is scared of the dark.

No one says there is anything wrong with talking to your child daily it's that when MIL is told not to call or text for 2 weeks because her son and his wife are unplugging on vacation that it's an issue.

It isn't about ownership here again you all need to read because it very clearly stated that DIL said they are unplugging from everyone including her own family as well so this isn't a case of her telling her husband solely not to talk to his own mother. DIL probably just figured it would be easier to do convey the message herself because maybe she knows her husband won't do it or he forgets. Men can be dumb sometimes

Agree. I was just saying that there a lot of valid posts, and they can all coexist. Example, nothing wrong with speaking to your grown children daily, and respecting their space at the same time.

So basically you are saying the same thing I am. Don't understand the need to point out that DIL doesn't own her husband. I'm pretty sure that was never implied by the DIL since again she is applying the same rules to everyone.

Now if they were home and she told her husband not to talk to his mom everyday that would be different. This is a vacation and DIL is very much allowed to tell her husband she wants to focus on the two of them and not have screen time for either of them with both sides of the family. As long as the rules apply both ways.

So your point about her not owning her husband is actually irrelevant in this case...

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

No you don’t have room to be upset.

It’s insane and over the top.

Google enmeshed relationships. This is a wake u call that you are overstepping.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

Again, I’m pretty sure your golden boy cheated on his wife and this is a last ditch effort to save his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

Again, I’m pretty sure your golden boy cheated on his wife and this is a last ditch effort to save his marriage.

NP. My husband and I take a vacation together once a week every year. I always ask for us to go screen free and I can tell you there is no cheating going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

Again, I’m pretty sure your golden boy cheated on his wife and this is a last ditch effort to save his marriage.

NP. My husband and I take a vacation together once a week every year. I always ask for us to go screen free and I can tell you there is no cheating going on here.

You ask to or you actually do? And 2 weeks is way different than one. This is rehab level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

Why do people have to do what you want just because it is what you're used to?

You clearly have a lot of love to give. Try giving them this 2 week breather from the world (they aren't trying to break away from you, they need a reset), and then think of the fun conversations you'll have together when they get home.

They aren't making this permanent, so I think you stomping your foot about how you still matter is unnecessary. They aren't throwing you out the window. You are taking it that way because you're being asked to change your routine for 2 weeks and you sound lovely, but also like someone who always gets their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

No you don’t have room to be upset.

It’s insane and over the top.

Google enmeshed relationships. This is a wake u call that you are overstepping.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to.

There is room for you to be upset, sad, whatever. Those are your feelings and you have the right to feel them. You also have a brain, and you should use it to subdue those feelings. The point is to acknowledge that it’s ok for your son not to speak to you for two weeks, especially since no one is mad at the other.

You need to understand that’s ok for him to do so, and regardless of how you feel you must respect his decision. And if it is her decision, respect their marriage.

Don’t make your child resent you.

Love to you op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

Again, I’m pretty sure your golden boy cheated on his wife and this is a last ditch effort to save his marriage.

NP. My husband and I take a vacation together once a week every year. I always ask for us to go screen free and I can tell you there is no cheating going on here.

You ask to or you actually do? And 2 weeks is way different than one. This is rehab level.

I mean I ask my husband be he agrees to it. I thought having screen free time for couples was a common think but even more common while on vacation. Isn't the point of vacations to spend time away from your everyday home life to be with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

So, OP - are you going to obsess every day all day long about how you can't talk to DS and you're going to be miserable the entire time they're gone?

If so, then, yes, you're way over the top. Go talk to a therapist and get a professional opinion. Maybe they can validate one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

It's reasonable for your son and his wife to take a vacation and not be in touch during that time. When I saw this post, I thought perhaps you were caring for their young child during the vacation and they were going to be unreachable- that would be unreasonable, but wanting to have time away from our phones is reasonable and healthy. If this issue continues to bother yo, maybe you could talk to a therapist for a few sessions-your son is his own person and, fair or unfair, sometimes he is going to make choices that aren't what you want or that you don't agree with, you need to find some ways to cope and accept if you want to have a good relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

OP, if you need an adjustment period, I suggest you start cutting calls right now to 2-3 times a week, then once a week BEFORE the trip happens.
I don’t think you are owed wiggle room here. The goal is to unplug and it spoils the effect to call you (or anyone else) during that period.
Be grateful that this is only a 2 week period! Focus on something else for this time!
Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

OP can you find a way of accepting their plans and not begrudge your DIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

The compromise is that you grow up.

You are not a part of their marriage. You are not a part of their vacation.

Stop trying to sabotage your son’s relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Is there any wiggle room allowed for me here? Am I allowed to be upset that I have to go straight from daily phone calls to no contact at all for 2 weeks? That's a drastic change from what I'm used to and I just wish there was some middle ground for compromise. I wish that DILs on here remember that yes they are married and the wife should definitely be the most important woman in her husband's life but his mother doesn't go out the window just because he is married. My feelings still matter too.

At some point when you talk before the vacation, say something like: "Have a great vacation. I like to hear how you're doing, so I'd appreciate if you could give me a quick call or send a note at some point during those weeks, but if not, we'll catch up when you come home." Leave it up to him.

I'm a middle-age man with an older, single mother who I talk to every day or two. When I'm traveling, it's less frequent, but when I have 5 minutes in the evening I'll give her a call.