Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much? [twitter]

[Anonymous]

You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

[Anonymous]

Talking on the phone with family is fun and comforting while you clean, go for a walk, wait at a car wash, etc. It is a total drag when you are on vacation in a beautiful setting about to head out to do something fun.

[Anonymous]

Totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm 60 years old and I work and I'm completely able bodied. I just don't like the idea of going from 100 to zero of talking to my son just about everyday to going 2 weeks. He will alone with his wife alone everyday for 2 weeks. Surely me calling my son for 5-10 minutes out of the 24 hours in a day can't interfere that much with his time with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talking on the phone with family is fun and comforting while you clean, go for a walk, wait at a car wash, etc. It is a total drag when you are on vacation in a beautiful setting about to head out to do something fun.

Why do you assume talking on the phone with family is a total drag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm going to ask my son over the phone before they go on vacation if I can at least call him in the morning 2x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much? [twitter]

It seems weird that his wife told you this rule, not him. What’s wrong with your son that he can’t speak for himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm 60 years old and I work and I'm completely able bodied. I just don't like the idea of going from 100 to zero of talking to my son just about everyday to going 2 weeks. He will alone with his wife alone everyday for 2 weeks. Surely me calling my son for 5-10 minutes out of the 24 hours in a day can't interfere that much with his time with his wife.

Are you always this controlling?

[Anonymous]

God you sound like my awful clingy MIL. She flipped when I very nicely told her that husband and I are using no phones whole away for a week and a half on vacation. She then called my husband up later on asking if that's really true that we are going no screens time. Yup she actually went behind my back to ask my husband this as if he isn't married to me and won't tell me what she said.

My MIL wonders why I don't like being around her.

I'm telling you this so that you don't become my MIL where you can't just accept what you have been told and nothing is ever good enough you always have to push the envelope and bargain for more.

Trust me if you call your son up later and ask him about this when his wife isn't around she will find out and will feel like you were going behind your back and not accepting her word.

Your son will be there to talk to before vacation and he will be there when he gets back. Maybe write your son a letter and for the love of God include your DIL in the letter too while they are away or send a nice post card or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talking on the phone with family is fun and comforting while you clean, go for a walk, wait at a car wash, etc. It is a total drag when you are on vacation in a beautiful setting about to head out to do something fun.

Why do you assume talking on the phone with family is a total drag?

No, it's not a drag generally but when you want to take in your setting or move along, spend quality time with spouse it is a drag to be "yes mom, mmmhmmm, yeah, ok gotta go, mmmhmm, yeah...." and even worse if they ask how things are going or what you did UGH! Just let them relax, 2 weeks is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much? [twitter]

It seems weird that his wife told you this rule, not him. What’s wrong with your son that he can’t speak for himself?

Who cares who told them? They are a married couple and if the son didn't speak up then I think it's safe to assume that he is on board.

The wife probably knows that the OP is clingy and overbearing so wanted to nip it in the bud.

Let's take a look at the big picture here of what the real concern is. It's not that the wife mentioned it it's that the MIL can't go 2 weeks without speaking to her married adult son even after they communicate that they safely landed so that he can be bonded and focused on his wife.

Also have you thought about the possibility that a lot of men can't speak up to their mothers or their families so the wife is put in the unfortunate position of doing so so that MIL doesn't bug them everyday on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much? [twitter]

Give him space. Two weeks go fast. Are you afraid she’s gonna go crazy on him or something?

Being off screens and phones is a dream.

[Anonymous]

You are way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

I'm 60 years old and I work and I'm completely able bodied. I just don't like the idea of going from 100 to zero of talking to my son just about everyday to going 2 weeks. He will alone with his wife alone everyday for 2 weeks. Surely me calling my son for 5-10 minutes out of the 24 hours in a day can't interfere that much with his time with his wife.

You need to let go. This may be her excerting dominance but bothering your son on vacation with his wife is not healthy. Your son needs to establish boundaries.i