Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

I still don't get why so much of this discussion is either saying negative stuff about OP or negative stuff about the wife.

If OP's relationship with her son is "enmeshed" and wrong, the son is equally culpable.
If OP's son let his wife make decisions for him OR if he chose not to back his wife in that conversation, he has his own issues.

Why are we letting the one man in this scenario completely off the hook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't get why so much of this discussion is either saying negative stuff about OP or negative stuff about the wife.

If OP's relationship with her son is "enmeshed" and wrong, the son is equally culpable.
If OP's son let his wife make decisions for him OR if he chose not to back his wife in that conversation, he has his own issues.

Why are we letting the one man in this scenario completely off the hook?

It's the fact that OP is freaking out about going 2 weeks without talking to her son and that's why everyone is calling her enmeshed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't get why so much of this discussion is either saying negative stuff about OP or negative stuff about the wife.

If OP's relationship with her son is "enmeshed" and wrong, the son is equally culpable.
If OP's son let his wife make decisions for him OR if he chose not to back his wife in that conversation, he has his own issues.

Why are we letting the one man in this scenario completely off the hook?

It's the fact that OP is freaking out about going 2 weeks without talking to her son and that's why everyone is calling her enmeshed

My point was that people are falling into "OP sucks" and "wife sucks" camps. It is clear which camp you fall into. But very little talk of the son.

And most people seem to be calling OP enmeshed not just because she is concerned about not talking for two weeks, but because they DO communicate every single day. And if that is part of it, the son has the same problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

Well then I guess my threshold would be someone complaining about a nonchalant passing comment DIL made about her vacation during a relevant conversation. OP originally posed the question like DIL suddenly spoke up loudly out of the blue and said guess what OP we are going screen free just from you on vacation so please don't call us when in actuality they were already on the topic of conversation and DIL happened to causally throw in there making small talk that she is excited for her and her DH to go screen free for 2 weeks because they need to unwind from their everyday stress. That is a completely different scenario then what we all imagined when OP originally posted her comment. She conveniently worded it to make it sound worse than it was for the sympathy votes. I'm just unsure why she didn't post the full context in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

Well then I guess my threshold would be someone complaining about a nonchalant passing comment DIL made about her vacation during a relevant conversation. OP originally posed the question like DIL suddenly spoke up loudly out of the blue and said guess what OP we are going screen free just from you on vacation so please don't call us when in actuality they were already on the topic of conversation and DIL happened to causally throw in there making small talk that she is excited for her and her DH to go screen free for 2 weeks because they need to unwind from their everyday stress. That is a completely different scenario then what we all imagined when OP originally posted her comment. She conveniently worded it to make it sound worse than it was for the sympathy votes. I'm just unsure why she didn't post the full context in the first place.

She didn't say that. In fact the title of the post is "Screen free on vacation" indicating it is for everyone. What she actually wrote:

"I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.[b]

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

Well then I guess my threshold would be someone complaining about a nonchalant passing comment DIL made about her vacation during a relevant conversation. OP originally posed the question like DIL suddenly spoke up loudly out of the blue and said guess what OP we are going screen free just from you on vacation so please don't call us when in actuality they were already on the topic of conversation and DIL happened to causally throw in there making small talk that she is excited for her and her DH to go screen free for 2 weeks because they need to unwind from their everyday stress. That is a completely different scenario then what we all imagined when OP originally posted her comment. She conveniently worded it to make it sound worse than it was for the sympathy votes. I'm just unsure why she didn't post the full context in the first place.

She didn't say that. In fact the title of the post is "Screen free on vacation" indicating it is for everyone. What she actually wrote:

"I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.[b]

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much?"

I think you are missing the forest for the trees here. The main issue is OP can't go 2 weeks without talking to her son..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

Well then I guess my threshold would be someone complaining about a nonchalant passing comment DIL made about her vacation during a relevant conversation. OP originally posed the question like DIL suddenly spoke up loudly out of the blue and said guess what OP we are going screen free just from you on vacation so please don't call us when in actuality they were already on the topic of conversation and DIL happened to causally throw in there making small talk that she is excited for her and her DH to go screen free for 2 weeks because they need to unwind from their everyday stress. That is a completely different scenario then what we all imagined when OP originally posted her comment. She conveniently worded it to make it sound worse than it was for the sympathy votes. I'm just unsure why she didn't post the full context in the first place.

She didn't say that. In fact the title of the post is "Screen free on vacation" indicating it is for everyone. What she actually wrote:

"I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.[b]

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much?"

I think you are missing the forest for the trees here. The main issue is OP can't go 2 weeks without talking to her son..

I am focusing on one specific assertion, which is that the OP was obsessive and reacted in some sort of over the top way. She didn't. She is used to talking to her son everyday, was taken aback by the decision to go so strictly no contact, and was self-aware enough in the first post to indicate that it might be that she is calling too much. I see nothing over-the-top of crazy in her posts about the situation. She, as far as we know, didn't even react in the moment or since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP sorry I have taken so long to get back to everyone I have been busy with work lately. To answer some of the questions I would say I initiate the phone calls probably about 80% of the time.

How the conversation went down was my son brought up that he is excited to finally have a vacation with DIL because they both have been stressed at work and really need a vacation. DIL responded by saying yes we are going screen free and I can't wait to not have to answer to anyone and just spend time being 100% focused on each other and the relationship. Son didn't say anything back and the conversation just shifted to the latest sports game on TV.

So you have been obsessing about one side comment about going screen free and needing a break from work? You really need other friends and hobbies. You are making a mountain out of a molehill and being overly sensitive to a comment that wasn’t even directed at you.

OP posted one thing ASKING if what was happening is reasonable, one reply shortly thereafter and then a week later came back to this post to give an update. Doesn't sound like obsessing to me.

The fact that she took the time to come to a public forum to post about not being able to talk to her adult son for 2 weeks on a vacation with his wife sounds a little telling to me. She wasn't just asking she was going on about how she can't handle 2 weeks of no contact. DIL made one passing statement about their vacation plans and OP thought hard enough about it to take the time to make a post about it. That's obsessing and shows an unhealthy enmeshment with her adult son.

What is the threshold on something worth posting about? Because I see an awful lot of much more small potatoes things, even on this forum.

Well then I guess my threshold would be someone complaining about a nonchalant passing comment DIL made about her vacation during a relevant conversation. OP originally posed the question like DIL suddenly spoke up loudly out of the blue and said guess what OP we are going screen free just from you on vacation so please don't call us when in actuality they were already on the topic of conversation and DIL happened to causally throw in there making small talk that she is excited for her and her DH to go screen free for 2 weeks because they need to unwind from their everyday stress. That is a completely different scenario then what we all imagined when OP originally posted her comment. She conveniently worded it to make it sound worse than it was for the sympathy votes. I'm just unsure why she didn't post the full context in the first place.

She didn't say that. In fact the title of the post is "Screen free on vacation" indicating it is for everyone. What she actually wrote:

"I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.[b]

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much?"

I think you are missing the forest for the trees here. The main issue is OP can't go 2 weeks without talking to her son..

I am focusing on one specific assertion, which is that the OP was obsessive and reacted in some sort of over the top way. She didn't. She is used to talking to her son everyday, was taken aback by the decision to go so strictly no contact, and was self-aware enough in the first post to indicate that it might be that she is calling too much. I see nothing over-the-top of crazy in her posts about the situation. She, as far as we know, didn't even react in the moment or since.

I thought OP had been answering pretty regularly at first. Multiple posts/responses. Was that fake? I missed a couple pages in the middle, but had been following along at first. There were more than 3 posts claiming to be OP. Obsessed might be a strong word, but she’s not as laid back as you’re implying.