Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems pretty clear to me he cheated and was texting OW and thus the unusual protocol.

Or the wife is getting sick if fielding phone calls from his mom in the middle of dinner.

Either way mom needs a hobby.

[Anonymous]

I'm on the fence about this. On one hand I feel like mom is unusually clingy but on the other hand it is a little off putting that the wife is the one who approached MIL about this. Shouldn't issues like this usually be approached from the spouse that comes from that family? It just comes across to me like don't call your son and that's an order from me. Why couldn't the mom's own son just tell her that mom wife and I are going away for 2 weeks and we want to be screen free the entire time so I will call you when I land other than that please don't contact as us we won't be available?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence about this. On one hand I feel like mom is unusually clingy but on the other hand it is a little off putting that the wife is the one who approached MIL about this. Shouldn't issues like this usually be approached from the spouse that comes from that family? It just comes across to me like don't call your son and that's an order from me. Why couldn't the mom's own son just tell her that mom wife and I are going away for 2 weeks and we want to be screen free the entire time so I will call you when I land other than that please don't contact as us we won't be available?

It’s weird that you guys are seizing on this. The OP said they were both over at her house. Maybe they were just chatting about vacation and DIL brought it up. I didn’t think it sounded like she was the “messenger” of this news that was going to harm his mother. She probably thought it was no big deal… because it really isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Son can't tell his mom no so the wife has to do it. Op knows this and plans on calling her son to guilt him into calling her on their holiday as her needs are more important than everyone's.

This will only lead to DIL being frustrated at the intrusion and puts the son/husband in a bad position, either keep mom happy or keep wife happy. OP will go ahead and make him choose, as she said she will speak to son before they leave.

Op doesn't care about their marriage as long as she gets what she wants which is to talk to her son every day. Her needs are even more important than her sons. OP won't give this marriage room to breathe, sad but true. DIL has said they need to reconnect and OP doesn't care as long as she still gets to talk to her son, she doesn't consider or think about anyone but herself because ultimately she doesn't believe her son doesn't want to talk to her, she believes her DIL is driving a wedge between them, she believes this is solely her DIL wanting this only and of course her DIL's feelings don't mean anything to her.

I feel really bad for this DIL that her own husband can't speak up to his mom. Honestly its not a big ask to be screen free and totally in the moment on vacation but I doubt OP will be able to let go.

[Anonymous]

Op, you’re way too dependent on your son. I’m close to my mom and dh is close to his, and still we don’t *have* to communicate every single day. I’m wondering if your son is sick of it and this was an idea to cut the umbilical cord and show you that you don’t have to talk to him every single day to be close to him. You need to let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you’re way too dependent on your son. I’m close to my mom and dh is close to his, and still we don’t *have* to communicate every single day. I’m wondering if your son is sick of it and this was an idea to cut the umbilical cord and show you that you don’t have to talk to him every single day to be close to him. You need to let this go.

I'm the OP. We don't have to communicate every single day but going two weeks is a lot with absolutely no contact whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you’re way too dependent on your son. I’m close to my mom and dh is close to his, and still we don’t *have* to communicate every single day. I’m wondering if your son is sick of it and this was an idea to cut the umbilical cord and show you that you don’t have to talk to him every single day to be close to him. You need to let this go.

I'm the OP. We don't have to communicate every single day but going two weeks is a lot with absolutely no contact whatsoever.

Your son is pathetic. Why isn’t he able to stand up to you or his wife? He needs to get rid of both of you and start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you’re way too dependent on your son. I’m close to my mom and dh is close to his, and still we don’t *have* to communicate every single day. I’m wondering if your son is sick of it and this was an idea to cut the umbilical cord and show you that you don’t have to talk to him every single day to be close to him. You need to let this go.

I'm the OP. We don't have to communicate every single day but going two weeks is a lot with absolutely no contact whatsoever.

Your son is pathetic. Why isn’t he able to stand up to you or his wife? He needs to get rid of both of you and start over.

His wife? Why she just stated to her MIL that they are having no screen time. That's your standard for a husband divorcing his wife? Damn! Tons of couples I know are starting to do the no screen time thing to reconnect on vacation. Wife didn't say this just applies to MIL she said both sides of the family so really she is showing fairness here on both sides.

Now if the wife was checking in and calling/texting her mother on vacation while simultaneously telling her husband not to communicate with his mother then absolutely there would be a problem. But from what I'm reading that doesn't seem to be the case.

[Anonymous]

The correct response is “okay, have fun, can you text me the main desk number so I can get in touch if there’s an emergency?”

[Anonymous]

Go old school, ask for a postcard or two.

They may need the time entirely focused on themselves so that they can reestablish their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm used to talking to my son on the phone just about every day. His wife told us when she and my son were over the other day that they plan on being screen free for the entirety of their vacation the next 2 weeks because they want to spend that time being completely focused on each other as a couple.

My son's wife told us that they will let the families know when they safely land and then after that no phones. Two weeks seems like a long time not to be able to have any contact with my son. Does this seem reasonable to you? Is this my DIL's way of asserting dominance and letting me know I'm calling too much? [twitter]

Give him space. Two weeks go fast. Are you afraid she’s gonna go crazy on him or something?

Being off screens and phones is a dream.

I'm the OP. What? Why would your first thought be that I would think his wife would go crazy on him? What do you mean by that?

It’s your first thought, not mine.

What’s gonna happen in two weeks that you can’t be disconnected from him for those two weeks? How are you going to immediately help him if he needs it and he is away?

I’m sure they’ll find a way to let you know if something can’t wait.

Stop being a controlling parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go old school, ask for a postcard or two.

They may need the time entirely focused on themselves so that they can reestablish their relationship.

I think it's odd that MIL needs a reason in the first place why they are going no screens. This isn't personal to MIL they are applying this rule to everyone.

Mom isn't sending her 12 year old to overnight camp where they are telling the parents they can't get a hold of their kids at all while they are there. This is a grown man and mommy can't detach for 2 weeks.

If mom can't let her grown married son vacation with his wife and not bother him that's more than DCUM can fix that's an issue she needs to sort out and go to therapy for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you’re way too dependent on your son. I’m close to my mom and dh is close to his, and still we don’t *have* to communicate every single day. I’m wondering if your son is sick of it and this was an idea to cut the umbilical cord and show you that you don’t have to talk to him every single day to be close to him. You need to let this go.

I'm the OP. We don't have to communicate every single day but going two weeks is a lot with absolutely no contact whatsoever.

Why is that a lot? What are you worried will happen? Truly think about it and ask yourself that. “If I don’t talk to my son for two weeks, I’m worried that….”

[Anonymous]

Talking to your son every single day is too much.

Yes it is reasonable to NOT talk to him for 2 weeks.

I'd cut down talking to him to every other day then down to 2-3x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are calling too much. It is unreasonable to expect to talk to your adult son during his vacation with his wife. Talking once a week to an adult child is more normal—maybe 2-3 times a week. The frequency you mention is more normal for middle aged kids with elderly parents where the kids want to make sure mom has not fallen down and feels bad she is bored and has no life. It’s nice you have a close relationship with your son. Maybe call him during the work day so you’re not stealing time from his wife?

Talking to his mom is not “stealing time” from his wife. It may be annoying, but that may be a husband problem, if the calls are when he is at home.
On the other hand, OP, the fact that you posted about this sounds like you are addicted to the current dynamic.
Personally, I don’t wanna spend my vacation talking on the phone. But I would text my folks every few days to say we are still having fun and we are ok.
I talk to my parents almost everyday, I am middle aged and they are 70’s but not feeble and half the time they are busy about to go out.