Changing child's middle name after many years

[Anonymous]

I honestly have no idea how or why my parents chose my name. Or if they particularly like it. I have siblings who have family names-mine has none. Never bothered me. It’s just my name. Kinda boring typical name for my era, with one of the most common middle names for girls ever.
I think you are placing way too much emphasis on the genesis of your kid’s name instead of just focusing on your kid.

[Anonymous]

This is such a classic but weird DCUM pile on. Who cares? It is not controlling or crazy for OP to change her kid’s middle name if it’s actively a problem for her due to changed family circumstances. She said she’d talk to her kid about it and wouldn’t do it if he objected. I have a friend who was adopted by her stepfather when she was 12 and had her last name formally changed to his. It was a joint decision with her parents and her. This feels similar to that.

I don’t get what everyone is so worked up about. The kid is not even aware he has this middle name yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a classic but weird DCUM pile on. Who cares? It is not controlling or crazy for OP to change her kid’s middle name if it’s actively a problem for her due to changed family circumstances. She said she’d talk to her kid about it and wouldn’t do it if he objected. I have a friend who was adopted by her stepfather when she was 12 and had her last name formally changed to his. It was a joint decision with her parents and her. This feels similar to that.

I don’t get what everyone is so worked up about. The kid is not even aware he has this middle name yet.

Sorry, disagree.

OP should be working on her mom issues in therapy. This isn’t really about the kid’s middle name, and the mom issues will still be there even if they change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a classic but weird DCUM pile on. Who cares? It is not controlling or crazy for OP to change her kid’s middle name if it’s actively a problem for her due to changed family circumstances. She said she’d talk to her kid about it and wouldn’t do it if he objected. I have a friend who was adopted by her stepfather when she was 12 and had her last name formally changed to his. It was a joint decision with her parents and her. This feels similar to that.

I don’t get what everyone is so worked up about. The kid is not even aware he has this middle name yet.

Sorry, disagree.

OP should be working on her mom issues in therapy. This isn’t really about the kid’s middle name, and the mom issues will still be there even if they change it.

But to be fair, this thread isn’t about OP’s mom issues, and you have no idea what they are. It’s just about whether it’s okay to change a kid’s middle name at at 7. I think it’s fine if the kid is okay with it and you have a good reason (I.e. not just a random whim, which is not what this seems to be).

[Anonymous]

Are you sure your kids doesn't know his middle name? Doesn't this come up in school?

[Anonymous]

I think you should add a second middle name and then he can decide when he’s older if he’d like to drop one. I was born with a first and middle name my dad chose. The middle name is a geographical name and constantly mispronounced. My parents added a new first name when I was baptised, giving me two middle names. After college, I dropped the middle name I disliked and then dropped my last name when I got married. As long as you are consistent going forward and list the former names when required, you should be fine.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think a 7 year old should have to make that decision. I had a friend who decided to reinvent herself in college by using her middle name as her first name. Maybe little Archie will want to be Harrison when he becomes a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're silly. Talk it over with him and see what he thinks.

This

[Anonymous]

OP asked “is this insane?” “Thoughts”

DCUM has spoken. A few posters say hi for it. The ast majority say “yes. You crazy”. But sounds like OP is going to do it regardless.

She says that she’ll talk it over with her kid and it would be his decision, but OP is so defensive and trying to justify it that I think it kid said “no” she’d still do it - or pressure him into agreeing with her. Making her kid think it was his decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP asked “is this insane?” “Thoughts”

DCUM has spoken. A few posters say hi for it. The ast majority say “yes. You crazy”. But sounds like OP is going to do it regardless.

She says that she’ll talk it over with her kid and it would be his decision, but OP is so defensive and trying to justify it that I think it kid said “no” she’d still do it - or pressure him into agreeing with her. Making her kid think it was his decision.

OP here. This isn't a tribunal. It's okay to dismiss opinions on here if you don't think they mesh with your values or you think the objection raised is immaterial. In fact, being able to discern between valuable feedback and useless comments is really important to being able to use DCUM well.

So for instance, I'm not giving your opinion a ton of weight because you are assuming a ton of stuff about me based on almost no info, and assuming my intentions are bad when I know they are not. So your opinion isn't that useful to me. Some of the other feedback has been useful. I have zero obligation to do what anyone on here tells me to do.

[Anonymous]

Another person who thinks OP is insane and needs therapy. Your child has gone 7 years with the name, let it go!

Very few people "go by" their middle name (unless you have a John as a grandparent, John Jr as a parent and John the III as the child, then they might). In fact, most kids HATE their middle names becaus eparents only use it when they are in trouble or getting yelled at. Eg: Larlo Thomas come in here this minute.

[Anonymous]

Nobody uses/cares about their middle name. It's weird to still be hung up on his middle name 7 years later. I don't even know most of my friends middle names and have no interest in calling them by that, as nobody goes by their middle name. Hassel or not, it just ends totally strange to even consider a name change 7 years in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should change his name OP—except I think you should delete the middle name altogether. It’s too late to add a new one in any meaningful way. You say your son doesn’t even know his middle name? Then change his name to Larlo LastName. That solves the problem of having a name you hate following your child for the rest of his life.

OP here and I appreciate this suggestion. I was expecting some naysayers (that's why I posted, because I wanted to hear argument against since I know I will hear them if I do it) but have been a bit surprised at how strongly some people feel. I'm definitely not trying to take something away from my son or force some issue on him. If anything, I was thinking that doing this would resolve this issue so it doesn't come up again later in life. But your suggestions is a good one as well. Maybe instead of fixing my mistake I can just kind of excise it.

Wrong. This is like the person who gets gastric bypass but not major therapy along with it, and a few years later, regains the 100 lbs.

[Anonymous]

I think you should go for it OP. I love my middle name and have it on my resume, stationery, childhood Christmas ornaments and the sort of mementos you mention. It's a family name that connects me to my great grandmother and a great aunt. I know some people don't care and that fine. I have always thought a lot about names and I think often that I didn't really choose the right first name for our 4 year old. I would never change it, but a middle name that your son isn't aware of it totally different. I love to ask people their middle names - sometimes it's a strange question, but as often as not people like to share because there is some story about where it came from (there seems to be much more family drama and history in middle names).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to cause bureaucratic headaches for him when his birth certificate doesn't match his name. It's just an annoyance, but a pointless one

This is true