Changing child's middle name after many years
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Anonymous
| Leave the name, go to counseling for your unresolved issues with your mother. |
Anonymous
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Another question re: your proposed using of the middle name. I don't use mine, my husband doesn't use his, and our kids don't use theirs, other than on official forms. That said, I know people who do.
When you say you will start using the new middle name, do you mean that you will start calling him my that name/suggest he do the same at school, with friends, etc.? Like if his name is now (for instance) John will you start calling him John Edward? That might be confusing. Id also be concerned about the paperwork at school, pediatrician, etc. |
Anonymous
| The only reason I could see doing this is if the person who my child was named after did something terrible, like "Billy's middle name is Larlo after Uncle Larlo, and we just found out that Uncle Larlo is a serial killer." |
Anonymous
+10000 |
Anonymous
But he might also care because OP is now going to start calling him by that name, too. I think it's nuts, and there is more paperwork involved than OP expects. |
Anonymous
Your son knows how beloved he is by the way you treat him every day! His middle name has nothing to do with it. |
Anonymous
| I think it is totally reasonable. Personally, I would add a second name (versus replace the first one) as 1) why not, and 2) it might help with paperwork. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
I use my middle name. I use it professionally a lot because my name is otherwise pretty common, and I also use it because I like it. So I guess I am biased because my own middle name is important to me, and I failed to give my son one that could be important to him. When I say we will use it, what I mean is that I currently refrain from using my son's middle name unless forced to for administrative purposes. I never call him by that name and don't write it down anywhere ever. If we changed it, I'd do things like put it in the title of the photo books we make for him periodically, use it more in school paperwork, make sure he knows what it is. And, if like me he ever wanted or needed to use it professionally, I would be happy to see him using his full name. Right now, if he ever decided to go by his first and middle name for any reason, I think it would give me a little pang of sadness. Not a big deal, I know, but I don't want to feel sad when I see my son's name. |
Anonymous
I think you are placing far too much weight on his middle name, likely because, for you, it's all tied up in your bad relationship with your mother. You aren't going to start using his middle name more -- no one uses their kid's middle name much, unless the kid actually goes by his middle name in daily life. I'd worry about bureaucratic headaches, even with an amended birth certificate (some forms ask if you've ever had or gone by another name, for example, and school and medical records often use the middle name), but more, I'd worry that I was using my kid's name to work out my own issues. It's not going to mean to him what it means to you. But I also think that he's old enough to have an opinion about it. I'd tell him, as neutrally as possible (don't dump on your mom or family members; he's a kid and he doesn't need to deal with your baggage), why you want to change his name, and what you'd like to change it to, and see what he thinks. "Larlo, when you were born, we named you Larlo Egbert. Egbert is a fine middle name, and it's also your [grandfather's/uncle's/whoever's] name, but I never felt that great about it and think I picked it just because I was overwhelmed at the time. I was thinking that Lancelot would be a better name because it seems to suit you, and it has a special meaning for me. But it's your name, so maybe you could think about it and let me know what you'd like to do." |
Anonymous
| ^ also, I think it's a nice statement to your kid about his own autonomy, etc., esp as it's a name you also find meaningful. |
Anonymous
I understand that feeling of regret, and it's hard, but all the reasons above are about you rather than your child. |
Anonymous
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This is crazy.
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Anonymous
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I think it’s potentially worth doing. If you mean that all of a sudden you’ll start actively calling him a different name, you really should not do that without your child’s active agreement. Before you do this, please make a complete list of everything that will have to change — Birth certificate, social security ID, bank accounts, anything where they’re a beneficiary or co-owner, etc.
One of my parents added a name to my birth certificate—without the other parent’s knowledge. This was discovered years later, and I was reluctantly pulled into a marital squabble. Please do not do this to your child. |
Anonymous
My DH is totally on board with the choice. He would also be fine keeping the name as is. He was very instrumental in choosing our son's first name and knows that it has always bothered me that I didn't stick to my guns and choose a different middle name. He will support me if we choose to do this, even though it's not important to him that we change it. I've already figured out everything I need to do to make the name change happen. If we are going to do it, I want to do it this calendar year and complete it as quickly as possible to avoid having a period of time in which we are using both the old and the new name on paperwork anywhere. Plus right now his name is not actually on any bank accounts or property or anything, but that could change in the next few years so if we're going to do it, I want to do it now. |
Anonymous
I love my kid's middle name. Hell, I gave her my middle name, but the only time it's ever used is when she's in hot water "Larla Elizabeth Larlasen, go to your room right now!" |