Changing child's middle name after many years

[Anonymous]

My DS is 7. When he was born, I was pressured into giving him a family middle name. I did not dislike the name at the time, but felt really stressed by the pressure and also just overwhelmed in general while pregnant. I basically gave him the name to avoid conflict with other people, but I felt not great about it from the start.

As a result, he's never really gone by this middle name at all. I put it on paperwork when I need to, but otherwise we don't use it anywhere. He's never asked about his middle name and doesn't know he has one.

Recently I have been seized with the desire to change it. I have another one picked out -- it's a name that suits him perfectly, goes with his first and last name, and has important meaning for me.

Is this insane? I would discuss it with him first and if he didn't want the name, we wouldn't do it. But if he is up for it, it would bring me a lot of happiness. I feel like I messed up in not giving him a middle name that was more of a legacy/gift, something that would help him know how beloved he is. He'll have the name the rest of his life (unless of course he decided to change it) and I want it to be a good one, instead of this nothing name I put on his birth certificate because I couldn't handle another argument with my mom about it right after giving birth.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s ok though if he literally doesn’t have any idea of his middle name I don’t know that you need to discuss it with him first. It seems confusing and like a lot of info for a little guy.

[Anonymous]

This is silly. A name change for a middle name that he doesn't use? Just don't use it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s silly you care this much, but your kid won’t care if you change a name he doesn’t even know he has.

Does he like the family connection? I have been surprised by how much my oldest likes his objectively terrible middle name because of the family link.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is silly. A name change for a middle name that he doesn't use? Just don't use it.

OP here. To be clear, if we changed his name we would start using his middle name. We just don't use the current one because I don't really like it and we have no strong feelings or connection to it. It was forced on us by someone who isn't really a big part of our family anymore.

[Anonymous]

I’d change it! Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s silly you care this much, but your kid won’t care if you change a name he doesn’t even know he has.

Does he like the family connection? I have been surprised by how much my oldest likes his objectively terrible middle name because of the family link.

No, he is not particularly close to my family at all and my mom (who is the one who insisted on this name) has been really absent from our lives for the last 5 years or so.

[Anonymous]

I think this is crazy. The middle name has been irrelevant to this point. Why would it suddenly become important and meaningful if you changed it? It would be a lot of work and subject your son to potential future paperwork confusion for absolutely no reason other than to make you feel like you're finally winning some fight you had 7 years ago.

Get a dog or cat, give the pet your meaningful middle name.

[Anonymous]

You're going to cause bureaucratic headaches for him when his birth certificate doesn't match his name. It's just an annoyance, but a pointless one

[Anonymous]

it's weird and overly focused on you. He is a person with a name and shouldn't change his name until he decides he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is silly. A name change for a middle name that he doesn't use? Just don't use it.

OP here. To be clear, if we changed his name we would start using his middle name. We just don't use the current one because I don't really like it and we have no strong feelings or connection to it. It was forced on us by someone who isn't really a big part of our family anymore.

'

What do you mean when you say you would start using his middle name? I so very rarely use my children's middle names (though they certainly know them). Would you start using it in place of his first name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is silly. A name change for a middle name that he doesn't use? Just don't use it.

OP here. To be clear, if we changed his name we would start using his middle name. We just don't use the current one because I don't really like it and we have no strong feelings or connection to it. It was forced on us by someone who isn't really a big part of our family anymore.

Who uses a middle name? I'm being serious, I don't understand. I never "use" my middle name except to put it in the field for airline reservations or passport applications. No one outside my family even knows what it is.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I don’t know…will this create a hassle for him down the road? If so, I wouldn’t bother.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're silly. Talk it over with him and see what he thinks.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I don't think it would cause paperwork confusion. I've researched and we can get an amended birth certificate with the new middle name on it and he'll be able to use that for everything. Once we get him a passport with the new name, there won't be any additional work for him. He may want to keep a copy of the original birth certificate on file just in case it ever comes up, but it looks like if we file all the right paperwork, it shouldn't not cause any additional burden to him as an adult. That was one of my first concerns.