Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country, but most Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle-class life. They're not starving; they have access to WiFi and medical care and needs, not necessarily wants.

Op here yes and DH had a private tutor growing up which seems to be the norm for the middle class. He also went to a private school.DH's nephew who lives in the house I am staying in has his child in a private school I noticed a difference in the women when we went to the schoolyard yesterday. In a lot of ways, they are living a more luxurious lifestyle. When I asked my SIL if she wanted a washer she said no because she prefers a household helper to do the washing by hand. They rarely wash dishes because someone comes every morning to do that. I did have a private tutor growing up but only because I am dyslexic. DH's nephew has one four days a week. His brother maintains all of their properties and rents out space to rickshaw drivers. They also have income from gardening vegetables. If they need middle care they go right away. No one is worried about being able to afford medicine or medical procedures. Their house is also paid off and has been for several decades. Taking loans for houses isn't a thing. The house I showed a picture of was paid off in full. It was around 40-50k and dh helped out with some of it. What middle class family in the US pays off their house?

That's so interesting op. I'm the pp you responded to.

I think also though there isn't the respect for property rights in Bangladesh, so you can own your house but the government could take it at any time???


Washing by hand is certainty better for the environment [/quote

OP here. Maybe. DH went somewhere yesterday about a land dispute. His older brother's only job is managing all their properties, and a big reason why his mom doesn't want to go to the US is because of a fear that someone will take some of their land. They have land scattered around. There are SO MANY things about his culture that are different. It gets overwhelming learning everything. Here, for example, women almost always wear a scarf over their chest, and DH has made a big deal about asking me to do this. During the last trip, he didn't ask me to do that. We also took a different route from the airport for the second trip as they built a bridge, so we didn't have to take the car ferry.

We have also been traveling to Dhaka more. I think we went 3 times now. During the last trip, we only went to Dhaka when we arrived because that's where the airport is, and we arrived late at night and we went again when we returned to the airport to leave. During this trip, I am having his sister take me out more so I can understand everyday things. We went to the tailor yesterday, and I saw the local clothing shops. We went to a restaurant a few times here in his city (mainly bc people here have been pushing me to get out), and we didn't do that during the first trip. The restaurant we have been going to wasn't built yet, and I don't remember seeing any restaurants that looked western during the last trip here in his city. A lot has changed in 5 years. I told DH yesterday I had a goal to go out with a rickshaw by myself, and he laughed and said, most likely, I will have to get the police to return me to his house. We went to Gulshan because people here have been pushing that. Thanks!! I had to ask many times before I could do any of this stuff. Without this forum, I probably wouldn't have gotten out.

[Anonymous]

While OP may indeed be posting directly from Bangladesh, the point she keeps driving home is:

- Bangladesh is a sh!th0le country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While OP may indeed be posting directly from Bangladesh, the point she keeps driving home is:

- Bangladesh is a sh!th0le country

+1
And the two reactions to the thread are:
1. That's so neat! Wow to those pictures
2. Duh we already know that (because we are Indian) but don't think it's like India

[Anonymous]

I went to Bangladesh twenty years ago as a naive young kid. Once I reached the airport I burst into tears and realized I made a mistake. Then I called my parents to try to get me out asap. I see things haven’t really changed there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While OP may indeed be posting directly from Bangladesh, the point she keeps driving home is:

- Bangladesh is a sh!th0le country

I disagree. Bengal is a magical place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While OP may indeed be posting directly from Bangladesh, the point she keeps driving home is:

- Bangladesh is a sh!th0le country

I don’t think that’s fair to OP. This is my first post but I’ve been reading with sk interest. She’s repeatedly said how nice the people are and how the pace of life is so much better and less competitive. She also seems to appreciate things like tailor made clothing, etc. But I don’t think it’s odd for her to comment on the relative lack of infrastructure and material stuff as compared with the US. 21st century Americans are insanely rich when it comes to material goods and technology. That’s why we account for such a large share of climate change. It’s very disorienting to go to a country that doesn’t have all that. My kids were even a little taken aback in Italy at their dinky little kitchens compared to an American kitchen and the fact that the apartment we rented didn’t have a dryer (washer only). That was bonkers to them. OP admitted she has not travelled a lot in lesser developed countries, so of course that’s a hard adjustment for her and it sounds like her husband is more amused than helpful with her culture shock.

[Anonymous]

bengal- as in calcutta is magical - im from PK which is, I think, the most manageable of the 3 (5 if you count Nepal and Sri Lanka ) but Bangladeshis arent teh same as bangalis from India by a long shot. PK's also the least magical unless you go to the northern areas which are amazing but the lack of 'magic' also makes it less overwhelming. It's probably the poorest of the countries, and a political and economic catastrophe but until very recently, you couldn't feel it, online shopping has actually had a more deleterious effect on the vibrancy of cities and neighborhoods than anything else and I imagine its much the same in Bangladesh. Bountiful boutiques, but no-one in them b/c on-line sopping is all the big fad. hence being housebound and told to do shopping online.

Bangladeshis seem to have made a more concerted effort to address the classism and materialism that is inherent in all south asian cultures to a degree that puts the RHW of anywhere else to shame. There are Bangladeshis that are snooty but much much less and they seem more self aware and work to flatten class difference and embrace 'simplicity'. Bengalis are ...not like that, they are as one famously out it- the WASPS of India. incredibly sophisticated, educated, cultured.. just very different than their co-linguists. Calcutta was teh base of the Company for a longtime and that legacy is still very much there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While OP may indeed be posting directly from Bangladesh, the point she keeps driving home is:

- Bangladesh is a sh!th0le country

That's totally not what I'm getting out of this as a Jewish woman in Massachusetts. I think it sounds really cool and I'd love to visit and I've been researching Bangladeshi charities!!

There are sad parts but it's so normal and human. I've never used a mosquito net but I've heard prayers from a mosque and wondered what they were. I've visited family and been impressed by how they handle some things, and shocked at their acceptance of other things.

I'm very charmed by her descriptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Bangladesh twenty years ago as a naive young kid. Once I reached the airport I burst into tears and realized I made a mistake. Then I called my parents to try to get me out asap. I see things haven’t really changed there.

I guess you hadn’t heard of the internet twenty years ago then?

[Anonymous]

The “Jewish woman from MA” is definitely OP. Same writing style and idiocy and there’ve been inconsistencies in those comments as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Bangladesh twenty years ago as a naive young kid. Once I reached the airport I burst into tears and realized I made a mistake. Then I called my parents to try to get me out asap. I see things haven’t really changed there.

I guess you hadn’t heard of the internet twenty years ago then?

I did. I was a wide eye idealist who had just heard of micro finance and had decided to go to Bangladesh to visit the grameen bank. And I was no stranger to developing countries. But somehow landing in Bangladesh was overwhelming. I had intended to stay for a month and lasted a few days. Never again. Almost walked into a big street riot in Dhaka as a clueless kid while I was there too. I am surprised sometimes I haven’t ended up dead in a ditch somewhere in my youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These replies are wild. I don't thinking you are being dramatic at all, OP. I can't relate but I would have a really challenging time in these circumstances. I spent a few months doing some trekking in western China and Nepal and the toilets were an outdoor trough or hole, minimal showers, that sort of thing. I learned enough of the languages to order my own food, ask directions, make basic conversation and embraced the local cuisine. That's my best recommendation to you - make the most of it and encourage your kids to do the same. The best food you will eat anywhere in the world is whatever is fresh and local. It is a gift to your kids for them to learn how to embrace new cultures.

The gift to the kids will be diarrhea, for sure, and potentially more serious.

Ah, the gift that keeps on giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Op here. I think you're giving me too much credit. It's hard to sleep because I am overwhelmed. The mosque close by is constantly blaring music but it's really not normal music. They are singing verses from the Quran. They have a unique way to recite it. I am in a bed with my husband and two kids. All three are snoring. The mosquito net is secured well and I heard a strange animal outside I couldn't identify. Today there was a random cow I saw on the street. According to DH the cow wasn't lost. Most likely it wandered off its property and the owners will get him. I also was confused this evening when his family was discussing who would all go to Dhaka tomorrow because I recognized chicken in Bengali and names of family members. I asked why they were talking about chickens and if they would take the chickens to Dhaka. They thought it was hilarious. They were discussing who would stay home to babysit the chicken and rooster. Apparently, chickens fly over the concrete fence that's pretty high up. Who knew? Dhs family really wants to gift me a traditional three-price dress. We will go tomorrow to pick out the fabric and a tailor will custom make it. This is the way his sister usually purchases her clothes and I think it's common to still do this. The other types of clothes (the type we buy in the US ) are called ready-made. Another neat fact is furniture is sometimes made at your house right of if you and it is beautifully carved. It's easier to get it through the doorway. Their beds are typically huge because they co-sleep. Dh's nephew who is 11 sleeps with his mom and SIL and BIL sleep in another room. My MIL is sleeping with her sister right now who is visiting for two days.

Op please note:
They are not blaring music nor
are they singing at the mosque.
They are reciting verses from the Quran.

OP, they are calling/singing the AZAAN. It is the call to the faithful to pray/recite the Quran/readthe Namaaz. The Maulvi will give this call 5 times a day. So your husband snores through the Azaan? LOL. At least the family you live in are not devout muslims. Praise the Lord for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Daily Star (the largest English-language newspaper in Bangladesh) should do a human interest story on this thread.

Rather than the Daily Star, it would be better if the article was written for the newspaper which is read by the locals called the Twice-a-Week Bucket Bath.

[Anonymous]

I think washing from a bucket and cooking without washing hands sound wonderful!

Even though I live in an affluent suburb of D.C., I certainly plan to switch to only bucket-washing and unclean-hands-cooking right away!

Who’s with me?