What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

You could say "that's not me" and move on. But you don't, so I am sure the criticism hits home. Criticism is not abuse, BTW, unless it is relentlessly directed toward someone with lesser power/ability (a child for example). I keep going because I care about kids not being abused, and can't stand abusive tactics. You keep going because you're a deranged loon. I am out now. Good luck with your crappy relationships, if you still have any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

When moving the goalposts fails, call troll. Classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

You could say "that's not me" and move on. But you don't, so I am sure the criticism hits home. Criticism is not abuse, BTW, unless it is relentlessly directed toward someone with lesser power/ability (a child for example). I keep going because I care about kids not being abused, and can't stand abusive tactics. You keep going because you're a deranged loon. I am out now. Good luck with your crappy relationships, if you still have any.

You keep going because you’re a troll who likes to insult others and make up fantastical back stories about people you don’t know. You’re a straight-up, u hinged, unstable abuser. I feel sorry for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

You could say "that's not me" and move on. But you don't, so I am sure the criticism hits home. Criticism is not abuse, BTW, unless it is relentlessly directed toward someone with lesser power/ability (a child for example). I keep going because I care about kids not being abused, and can't stand abusive tactics. You keep going because you're a deranged loon. I am out now. Good luck with your crappy relationships, if you still have any.

You keep going because you’re a troll who likes to insult others and make up fantastical back stories about people you don’t know. You’re a straight-up, u hinged, unstable abuser. I feel sorry for your children.

NP. It seems like you’re the one who’s keeping this going. I think you are the one projecting. You are actually probably an abuser as you are so quick to call someone over the Internet an abuser. You are a complete mess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

You could say "that's not me" and move on. But you don't, so I am sure the criticism hits home. Criticism is not abuse, BTW, unless it is relentlessly directed toward someone with lesser power/ability (a child for example). I keep going because I care about kids not being abused, and can't stand abusive tactics. You keep going because you're a deranged loon. I am out now. Good luck with your crappy relationships, if you still have any.

You keep going because you’re a troll who likes to insult others and make up fantastical back stories about people you don’t know. You’re a straight-up, u hinged, unstable abuser. I feel sorry for your children.

NP. It seems like you’re the one who’s keeping this going. I think you are the one projecting. You are actually probably an abuser as you are so quick to call someone over the Internet an abuser. You are a complete mess!

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lazy therapists always go back to “mom.”

Ask how your mom was growing up, wait for you to say something negative. That. That’s it. That’s why you are having a hard time.

It may be true; However, it doesn’t make it her fault.

Bad usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She was terrible. You can fix this somehow by blaming all of it on her.

Good usage : mom was a perfectionist. This is why you are a perfectionist. She is probably that way, because her mom was. Because her dad was abusive. Because of the depression. Or WWII. Etc. It’s just human nature for centuries. Patterns. Here is how you escape that pattern. Here is what to do. And don’t blame her, she is also human.

My mom was abused and she abused me. I was abused by my mom and YET I have never abused any child, most especially my own. Before you credit my mom for me not being abusive, you should know she was an alcoholic who physically, verbally and mentally abused me and she neglected my physical and emotional needs. My father abandoned the family and didn't protect me. Why am I not a monster? Short answer: you don't abuse children.

So your Mom probably was abused more than you or worse than you or maybe she grew up with less of an education or resources than you, maybe she had more children than you. Your life is not the same as hers. You are emontionally abusing an abused woman - your mother.

Why did she not only not protect, but abuse me? She allowed others to hit me, too. When I came to her for help, she effectively silenced me. Her abuse and neglect of me desensitized me to abuse and contributed to my tolerating dating violence. I was nearly killed by a boyfriend when I was 16.
I never blamed my mother while she lived. I was a dutiful daughter who worked to gainmy mother's love and acceptance, which she never gave me. Tell me again how I abused her.

Your lack of compassion for her pain is violence.

She caused my pain. How would you characterize her? Also, why do I not abuse children?

She was a victim of violence and abuse too. But her pain is nothing. Yours is everything. You seem emotionally unstable so I am sure your children are suffering from your bitterness and emotional trauma, you just can't see past it and recognize how it affects them.

You're a dunderhead. Knowing what my mother suffered gives me understanding of why she was an abusive, neglectful alcoholic. It doesn't mitigate the suffering I endure because of her treatment of me. I have decades of therapy under my belt, much of it *before having children. I am what is known as a good enough mother and my children are thriving. Like my mother, I carry the pain, shame and hurt through this life. Unlike my mother, I DO NOT take it out on others.
I think you are a pot stirring troll and likely "spank" your kids.

This right here is an example of you perpetuating abuse. On strangers if not on your kids, although the fact that you call people names anonymously doesn’t promise well for how you treat your kids.

Calling out stupidity on the internet has nothing to do with how someone might treat their kids. It only indicates low tolerance for nonsense in anonymous, adult discussions.

It indicates a poster who’s insecure and rageful. A confident poster wouldn’t get so abusive.

Sorry, I do not read rage or insecurity in the post cited. I see a strong point of view and a direct style of writing. You are practicing something called "moving the goalposts." You don't like the points being made, you've lost the ability to argue against them, you don't like how these posters make you feel about yourself and your past mistakes. So, you have moved to criticizing other posters' style of communication, since you can't attack the substance of it. You are trying to find a way to call them "abusive" because you know that you yourself are abusive, and you feel discomfort about that. This is called "projection." For those of us who had abusive parents, you are transparent and ridiculous, and saying so on an adult discussion forum is not "abuse."

I get it now.

You’re a troll looking for a fight. You were the first to call people names. I wasn’t the poster you started abusing, but it’s obvious to me and presumably to other readers. Then you come back with some pseudo psychology speak (no bonus points for using the word “projecting” when that’s exactly what you’re doing yourself) and some bizarre fantasies about another poster.

Not wasting my time with a troll.

Oh wait. Stop calling people names and pretending you’re not abusive.

You could say "that's not me" and move on. But you don't, so I am sure the criticism hits home. Criticism is not abuse, BTW, unless it is relentlessly directed toward someone with lesser power/ability (a child for example). I keep going because I care about kids not being abused, and can't stand abusive tactics. You keep going because you're a deranged loon. I am out now. Good luck with your crappy relationships, if you still have any.

You keep going because you’re a troll who likes to insult others and make up fantastical back stories about people you don’t know. You’re a straight-up, u hinged, unstable abuser. I feel sorry for your children.

NP. It seems like you’re the one who’s keeping this going. I think you are the one projecting. You are actually probably an abuser as you are so quick to call someone over the Internet an abuser. You are a complete mess!

This!

Stop bumping your own posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is always the parents fault and I am not being sarcastic.

Op here, I will say that DH was my most challenging kid. He was headstrong and demanding from the time he was a baby. He was rarely content and cried a lot as a baby. He fought potty training and putting on clothes. I would dress him, he would take it off. If we wanted him do his chores, he would argue about why it was unfair or he shouldn't have to do it - for a much longer time than the chore would take. He dropped out of college and blamed us because shouldn't have made him go in the first place. This is his personality.

Right up until my mother died she would throw in my face how I cried a lot as a baby and never wanted her to rock me. As if I was being mean to her, as if I should apologize for how I was as a BABY and TODDLER. Please do not do this to your son.

I never said DS ruined my life as a mother, just that he was challenging because he was not an easy baby and was a rebellious teenager and young adult. I wonder if it's his nature and no amount of therapy will change it so maybe we're not the cause of his unhappiness.

No wonder he has issues. You had one job: raise the child you had. What mother blames a child's personality or temperament as the reason for his unhappiness. As a homeschooling parent, you had double the time with him than most parents get. You missed an opportunity to help him learn to navigate life. You prioritized your spouse and easy kids over him, the one who needed your unconditional love the most. Honestly, if he gets through the thereputic process and still wants a relationship with you, you shoukd fall to your knees and thank your god.

How do you know this? She could have had many jobs. Just because she didn't mention it doesn't mean she wasn't working or helping out other family members.

As a parent, what is more pressing, more important than raising your kid? Childhood is precious and, if as a parent, you eff it up, your child pays the price in adulthood. If you aren't up to the task of raising a child into a well adjusted, secure adult, don't have kids.

This is purely a 21st century thing. I am not saying raising your kid isn't important BUT most people have to have jobs to raise their kids and all parents today were raised by imperfect parents who were also working and trying to do their best. It isn't a all or nothing thing having kids. You sound like a very black and white thinker.

My mom had a sick husband, a mom that needed her , a jjob and three kids. Plus she had her own needs as well. Moms/Dads are not robots.

IME, people come to this understanding when they have children of their own. Every person I know who wasn’t physically abused and can’t forgive their parents for the parenting mistakes made during their childhood does not have children. Raising children is very humbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is always the parents fault and I am not being sarcastic.

Op here, I will say that DH was my most challenging kid. He was headstrong and demanding from the time he was a baby. He was rarely content and cried a lot as a baby. He fought potty training and putting on clothes. I would dress him, he would take it off. If we wanted him do his chores, he would argue about why it was unfair or he shouldn't have to do it - for a much longer time than the chore would take. He dropped out of college and blamed us because shouldn't have made him go in the first place. This is his personality.

Right up until my mother died she would throw in my face how I cried a lot as a baby and never wanted her to rock me. As if I was being mean to her, as if I should apologize for how I was as a BABY and TODDLER. Please do not do this to your son.

I never said DS ruined my life as a mother, just that he was challenging because he was not an easy baby and was a rebellious teenager and young adult. I wonder if it's his nature and no amount of therapy will change it so maybe we're not the cause of his unhappiness.

No wonder he has issues. You had one job: raise the child you had. What mother blames a child's personality or temperament as the reason for his unhappiness. As a homeschooling parent, you had double the time with him than most parents get. You missed an opportunity to help him learn to navigate life. You prioritized your spouse and easy kids over him, the one who needed your unconditional love the most. Honestly, if he gets through the thereputic process and still wants a relationship with you, you shoukd fall to your knees and thank your god.

How do you know this? She could have had many jobs. Just because she didn't mention it doesn't mean she wasn't working or helping out other family members.

As a parent, what is more pressing, more important than raising your kid? Childhood is precious and, if as a parent, you eff it up, your child pays the price in adulthood. If you aren't up to the task of raising a child into a well adjusted, secure adult, don't have kids.

This is purely a 21st century thing. I am not saying raising your kid isn't important BUT most people have to have jobs to raise their kids and all parents today were raised by imperfect parents who were also working and trying to do their best. It isn't a all or nothing thing having kids. You sound like a very black and white thinker.

My mom had a sick husband, a mom that needed her , a jjob and three kids. Plus she had her own needs as well. Moms/Dads are not robots.

IME, people come to this understanding when they have children of their own. Every person I know who wasn’t physically abused and can’t forgive their parents for the parenting mistakes made during their childhood does not have children. Raising children is very humbling.

Some others come to an opposite understanding when they have children of their own -- that how their parents treated them was abusive and unacceptable. Abused children often grow up thinking they were deserving of abuse. It takes parentibg their own innocent kids to see that children are never deserving of abuse. Raising children is enlightening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is always the parents fault and I am not being sarcastic.

Op here, I will say that DH was my most challenging kid. He was headstrong and demanding from the time he was a baby. He was rarely content and cried a lot as a baby. He fought potty training and putting on clothes. I would dress him, he would take it off. If we wanted him do his chores, he would argue about why it was unfair or he shouldn't have to do it - for a much longer time than the chore would take. He dropped out of college and blamed us because shouldn't have made him go in the first place. This is his personality.

Right up until my mother died she would throw in my face how I cried a lot as a baby and never wanted her to rock me. As if I was being mean to her, as if I should apologize for how I was as a BABY and TODDLER. Please do not do this to your son.

I never said DS ruined my life as a mother, just that he was challenging because he was not an easy baby and was a rebellious teenager and young adult. I wonder if it's his nature and no amount of therapy will change it so maybe we're not the cause of his unhappiness.

No wonder he has issues. You had one job: raise the child you had. What mother blames a child's personality or temperament as the reason for his unhappiness. As a homeschooling parent, you had double the time with him than most parents get. You missed an opportunity to help him learn to navigate life. You prioritized your spouse and easy kids over him, the one who needed your unconditional love the most. Honestly, if he gets through the thereputic process and still wants a relationship with you, you shoukd fall to your knees and thank your god.

How do you know this? She could have had many jobs. Just because she didn't mention it doesn't mean she wasn't working or helping out other family members.

As a parent, what is more pressing, more important than raising your kid? Childhood is precious and, if as a parent, you eff it up, your child pays the price in adulthood. If you aren't up to the task of raising a child into a well adjusted, secure adult, don't have kids.

This is purely a 21st century thing. I am not saying raising your kid isn't important BUT most people have to have jobs to raise their kids and all parents today were raised by imperfect parents who were also working and trying to do their best. It isn't a all or nothing thing having kids. You sound like a very black and white thinker.

My mom had a sick husband, a mom that needed her , a jjob and three kids. Plus she had her own needs as well. Moms/Dads are not robots.

IME, people come to this understanding when they have children of their own. Every person I know who wasn’t physically abused and can’t forgive their parents for the parenting mistakes made during their childhood does not have children. Raising children is very humbling.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is always the parents fault and I am not being sarcastic.

Op here, I will say that DH was my most challenging kid. He was headstrong and demanding from the time he was a baby. He was rarely content and cried a lot as a baby. He fought potty training and putting on clothes. I would dress him, he would take it off. If we wanted him do his chores, he would argue about why it was unfair or he shouldn't have to do it - for a much longer time than the chore would take. He dropped out of college and blamed us because shouldn't have made him go in the first place. This is his personality.

Right up until my mother died she would throw in my face how I cried a lot as a baby and never wanted her to rock me. As if I was being mean to her, as if I should apologize for how I was as a BABY and TODDLER. Please do not do this to your son.

I never said DS ruined my life as a mother, just that he was challenging because he was not an easy baby and was a rebellious teenager and young adult. I wonder if it's his nature and no amount of therapy will change it so maybe we're not the cause of his unhappiness.

No wonder he has issues. You had one job: raise the child you had. What mother blames a child's personality or temperament as the reason for his unhappiness. As a homeschooling parent, you had double the time with him than most parents get. You missed an opportunity to help him learn to navigate life. You prioritized your spouse and easy kids over him, the one who needed your unconditional love the most. Honestly, if he gets through the thereputic process and still wants a relationship with you, you shoukd fall to your knees and thank your god.

How do you know this? She could have had many jobs. Just because she didn't mention it doesn't mean she wasn't working or helping out other family members.

As a parent, what is more pressing, more important than raising your kid? Childhood is precious and, if as a parent, you eff it up, your child pays the price in adulthood. If you aren't up to the task of raising a child into a well adjusted, secure adult, don't have kids.

This is purely a 21st century thing. I am not saying raising your kid isn't important BUT most people have to have jobs to raise their kids and all parents today were raised by imperfect parents who were also working and trying to do their best. It isn't a all or nothing thing having kids. You sound like a very black and white thinker.

My mom had a sick husband, a mom that needed her , a jjob and three kids. Plus she had her own needs as well. Moms/Dads are not robots.

IME, people come to this understanding when they have children of their own. Every person I know who wasn’t physically abused and can’t forgive their parents for the parenting mistakes made during their childhood does not have children. Raising children is very humbling.

Some others come to an opposite understanding when they have children of their own -- that how their parents treated them was abusive and unacceptable. Abused children often grow up thinking they were deserving of abuse. It takes parentibg their own innocent kids to see that children are never deserving of abuse. Raising children is enlightening.

Well put, pp. When I was first pregnant with my son, I couldn't understand how a parent could ever harm their own child. I asked my parents how they could've hit me with slapping, belts, etc. They had no good answers for me. My child is now 15 and I have never struck him, yelled at him nor said cruel words to him. My parents taught me what not to do.