Not going to cheat, but need help getting over emotional infatuation

[Anonymous]

Married man trying to end attraction to married coworker. Long ago she initiated friendship with me but other than a few flirty statements like she found me interesting or that she ran my fanclub, nothing made me feel uncomfortable. I found her attractive but I did not feel anything more than normal coworker friendliness toward her. However, I quickly became the male cliche: facing normal stress at work and home, I became flattered by her occasional praise, including when she would tell me she wishes we could see each other more often. I don't work in the same office as her and see her maybe twice a year. I do not think she feels anything toward me other than, maybe at most "he's decent looking," but since she told me that she found me attractive I have not been able to think clearly. It is affecting my entire day and night. I love my wife and am not going to make this worse than I already have. But I don't know if I should cold turkey cut this woman out of my life or tell her the embarrassing truth that I got too emotional about our friendship? I know I'm a cliche male and that for sure my wife and this woman and her husband deserve better. I need advice on how to get my thoughts under control.

[Anonymous]

Last year, there was a thread where a DW had a crush and she was advised to imagine him doing disgusting things that some men do. I think it was like leaving toenail clippings around. Just imagine this woman leaves leg hair in her husband's razor or farts in her sleep.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? Unless you way underrepresented this / are having constant and obsessive thoughts about it, this sounds (relatively) normal and harmless. Don't beat yourself up, just let it ride and I bet it will fade. Of course, in the meantime don't do anything stupid (don't say anything to her or to your wife, minimize contact, don't get too drunk, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, there was a thread where a DW had a crush and she was advised to imagine him doing disgusting things that some men do. I think it was like leaving toenail clippings around. Just imagine this woman leaves leg hair in her husband's razor or farts in her sleep.

Ooh. Happen to have a link?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? Unless you way underrepresented this / are having constant and obsessive thoughts about it, this sounds (relatively) normal and harmless. Don't beat yourself up, just let it ride and I bet it will fade. Of course, in the meantime don't do anything stupid (don't say anything to her or to your wife, minimize contact, don't get too drunk, etc)

+1. No private lunches with her, definitely no contact outside of work- don't even give her your personal cell #. If you only see her twice a year I think this is NBD. Just try to reconnect to your wife. Date nights etc.

[Anonymous]

You only see her twice a year. Think of all the things you do not know about her. She could be a racist, pick her nose, be a complete bitch most days, etc. right now your imagination is only letting you fill in the blanks with void stuff. Fill it in with bad.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I forgot to mention she asked for my number, I gave it to her, and so far only text has been about family. Rest of contact is thru email at work. I deleted her number. Again, I think I'm just a pity project for her yet I got hooked with flattery from an attractive woman, whatever her intentions are.

[Anonymous]

Man up OP - either let it fade or ruin both marriages and act on it. Marriage ain't for wimps and trust me the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

I'd enjoy the flattery and stay out of tempting situations.

[Anonymous]

10:32 I agree with you and am trying hard to man up, I just need to know how to get her off my mind. I'm losing weight and sanity by the week. I will not betray my wife but wish I could clear my thinking about a woman who prob does not think about me at all.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible she could be more of a soulmate than your wife?

[Anonymous]

Sigh. You are kidding yourself. She is doing this on purpose and nobody who was behaving professionally would say those things to you. She said them to generate your interest and she has. How is it that you gave her your number? Did she ask?
You should avoid her because she's looking for trouble and probably not just with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:32 I agree with you and am trying hard to man up, I just need to know how to get her off my mind. I'm losing weight and sanity by the week. I will not betray my wife but wish I could clear my thinking about a woman who prob does not think about me at all.

Hey. Sorry OP, that's never fun. Sometimes giving a voice to the "bad" thoughts takes away their power - want to tell us what's going on in your mind? What's her draw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:32 I agree with you and am trying hard to man up, I just need to know how to get her off my mind. I'm losing weight and sanity by the week. I will not betray my wife but wish I could clear my thinking about a woman who prob does not think about me at all.

I'm the man up guy - I am also losing weight and sanity over a woman and we are both single but not spilling my beans on a thread. I deal with it every day and only reach out to her when she does to me and even though I am crazy for her, she isn't for me and manning up on the surface. You have a lot more at risk than me and recommend you don't blow it by ruining your kids life.

[Anonymous]

OP responding to good comments...she joked that after a few years of knowing me she didn't have my number, then emailed hers. I then gave her mine but, fwiw, I do not text her and nor does she after an initial innocuous exchange. I deleted her number. As for the draw, I have been flummoxed since she initiated an email wherein she told me she found me attractive. But she also is a flirty, outgoing, attractive person. I cannot believe I am the only guy she flirts with and yet I know she loves her husband, as I love my wife. I'm mad at myself for letting what she prob intended as a throwaway compliment to become this inferno of mental distraction. While I do find her attractive, I don't fantasize about being with her. I am still very attracted to my wife but she deserves better than this.