Not going to cheat, but need help getting over emotional infatuation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. I can already see where this is heading. You keep defending this whole one sided attraction thing. You want so badly to know more. Is she attracted to you, is she flirting...etc. Trust me it isn't worth it to pursue this any longer. You know you are playing with fire and yet you continue. Pp after pp has weighed in and yet here you are again. I sense you will continue this little game with her. I hate to say it but even if she finds you attractive, I doubt she's in it long term. She wants a thrill. Go ahead and throw away your marriage for momentary gratification. You will absolutely regret it.

OP here...actually I have not posted to this thread in weeks and the only advice I've taken from this forum is to stay away from this woman and put time and distance between us. So to 20:02's point, I agree further communication with her would have been playing with fire. The "friendship" does not mean enough to sacrifice the trust my wife has in me. And to that end, I told my wife everything that happened. I am not playing any games.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP!! I'm the February thread OP. Well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. I can already see where this is heading. You keep defending this whole one sided attraction thing. You want so badly to know more. Is she attracted to you, is she flirting...etc. Trust me it isn't worth it to pursue this any longer. You know you are playing with fire and yet you continue. Pp after pp has weighed in and yet here you are again. I sense you will continue this little game with her. I hate to say it but even if she finds you attractive, I doubt she's in it long term. She wants a thrill. Go ahead and throw away your marriage for momentary gratification. You will absolutely regret it.

OP here...actually I have not posted to this thread in weeks and the only advice I've taken from this forum is to stay away from this woman and put time and distance between us. So to 20:02's point, I agree further communication with her would have been playing with fire. The "friendship" does not mean enough to sacrifice the trust my wife has in me. And to that end, I told my wife everything that happened. I am not playing any games.

Pp here. Wow! Good for you Op. I didn't check any dates. I read what was an update on a picture text and went from there with my post. I'm glad you took the high road. As a wife, I'm not certain you needed to inform her. It will possibly cause her not to trust you and give her low self esteem. I assume you wanted to clear your conscience. Shoulder shrug, coming clean is better than cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. I can already see where this is heading. You keep defending this whole one sided attraction thing. You want so badly to know more. Is she attracted to you, is she flirting...etc. Trust me it isn't worth it to pursue this any longer. You know you are playing with fire and yet you continue. Pp after pp has weighed in and yet here you are again. I sense you will continue this little game with her. I hate to say it but even if she finds you attractive, I doubt she's in it long term. She wants a thrill. Go ahead and throw away your marriage for momentary gratification. You will absolutely regret it.

OP here...actually I have not posted to this thread in weeks and the only advice I've taken from this forum is to stay away from this woman and put time and distance between us. So to 20:02's point, I agree further communication with her would have been playing with fire. The "friendship" does not mean enough to sacrifice the trust my wife has in me. And to that end, I told my wife everything that happened. I am not playing any games.

OP - what did you actually say to your wife? And how did she take it?

And did you also tell the other woman to back off?

Have to say, you deserve respect to have taken such decisive action to put out the fire...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - what did you actually say to your wife? And how did she take it?

And did you also tell the other woman to back off?..

As PP predicted, my wife knew something was off in my demeanor and I told her the same things that I wrote here. I then told my wife about this post. I know I hurt her but I am incredibly lucky to hq

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP - what did you actually say to your wife? And how did she take it?

And did you also tell the other woman to back off?..

As PP predicted, my wife knew something was off in my demeanor and I told her the same things that I wrote here. I then told my wife about this post. I know I hurt her but I am incredibly lucky to hq

Got cut off. I'm incredibly lucky to have her. I did tell the CW that I need to stop emailing and have not spoken to her since.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP for ending it. I do think you might want to reconsider her innocence, for future experiences you may have with her or other women. My husband had an affair with a coworker and told me it was all his fault and that he was the pursuer and she was just a sweet person (ugh). Turns out she had started parking her car next to his, volunteering to help him work late on his projects, and eventually suggested that if he left me, she would leave her husband. Now, she was not some sort of siren and he is totally responsible for his awful actions, but she was also there. Something about his views on her "innocence" made her more alluring. So I am not saying your CW us a bad person or consciously leading you on, but she is involved too and she knows she is. I think there's a danger in putting her in a pedestal and declaring her total innocence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I forgot to mention she asked for my number, I gave it to her, and so far only text has been about family. Rest of contact is thru email at work. I deleted her number. Again, I think I'm just a pity project for her yet I got hooked with flattery from an attractive woman, whatever her intentions are.

Coworker knows what she is doing.
She knows she's got to play it cool. But she intends to let it simmer until it gradually progresses along. Like a ladder. You're on the bottom rung but she sees the way up.
Delete and block the number.

If it helps you, know that she is probably doing this to 3 men more or less. It's not just you. If it were, she'd be pushing up the ladder faster.

Do something awesome for your wife. That's always good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP for ending it. I do think you might want to reconsider her innocence, for future experiences you may have with her or other women. My husband had an affair with a coworker and told me it was all his fault and that he was the pursuer and she was just a sweet person (ugh). Turns out she had started parking her car next to his, volunteering to help him work late on his projects, and eventually suggested that if he left me, she would leave her husband. Now, she was not some sort of siren and he is totally responsible for his awful actions, but she was also there. Something about his views on her "innocence" made her more alluring. So I am not saying your CW us a bad person or consciously leading you on, but she is involved too and she knows she is. I think there's a danger in putting her in a pedestal and declaring her total innocence.

Sorry to hear about your experience, and shocked he defended his AP to you. It's not an excuse at all but it sounds like he was in the throes of limerence (everyone's fave new word) but for the sake of your marriage I hope the fog has lifted from his mind. Separately, as a guy, the posts here from women about how women "know what they're doing" have been illuminating. I have a hard time understanding where friendship ends and manipulation begins. Regardless, hope your marriage strengthens.

[Anonymous]

All adults know what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All adults know what they are doing.

Insightful!