Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters are losers who suck at life. That's why their wives don't want to have sex with them and despise them. Not complicated.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

It happens about 2% of the time...they cite it as the most depraved people being able to do this. Have the AP in their home repeatedly.

It is depraved. It is a sick, sick person that is capable of bringing another person into the family home and screw them over and over again.

And then go to bed in that same bed with their spouse. Look their children in the eyes when they come home from middle school/high school with the sex from just an hour ago lingering in the air.

Sick, sick, sickos. The majority are stay at home mothers living off their husband's $ too.

[Anonymous]

IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

Yiu are human garbage no matter where you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm not planning an affair.. I want to know in case my spouse is having one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

The fact that you saw your AP on mother's day and the fact that you can't wait to see your AP again means this isn't emotionless. You're taking away time from your family, not just your wife, to be with your AP. Whether you believe it or not, you're on your way to mentally divorcing from you wife. Do her a favor and let her move on now. At least show her some respect for the time you spent together and that you have kids. I mean you are pretty disgusting for the way you treat your wife. Also, I'm sorry for your sons because their role model for how a woman should be treated and what is the right thing to do comes from you. Just feel bad for your sons and that you are their role model and not setting them up well for relationships with women (your attitude is pretty dismissive and uncaring for women). Maybe you don't care how women are treated and their plight doesn't make a difference to you (otherwise you would have told your wife about cheating/exploring divorce)--It certainly seems that way and so you sound misogynistic.

Oh my God, think of the children! Once again, I never said anything about having a son or a daughter. Why is it you can't have this discussion without dragging children into it? If I had a puppy, would I be neglecting him also?

So if you're not thinking of children and you don't have respect for your wife, why do you stay in the marriage? Is it financial reason? Also, you ignored the fact that you were planning to spend a part of Mother's Day with your AP. This is just sick. You are already leaving your wife emotionally so why not make it official? See----I'm not asking you to go without sex, just go without lying/cheating. BTW, you should think about the children. The way you treat women is the model for your kids/sons. As I mentioned earlier, if you have sons and you don't care about how sons treat their wives, that's just misogyny. You'll be leaving your wife sooner or later and so at least let her know your plans. Maybe she decides to stay in this marriage for kids as well. Give her respect by giving her choice. You are treating her poorly. Do you care at all about your wife and so whether you treat her poorly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sweet irony for sexless married dude would be to find out that his wife is not sexless, but just sexless with him.

That's a great fantasy but OK, I'll play along. If that were the case, the outcome is the same for me so it makes no difference to how this plays out. Either way, she isn't willing to resume our sex life.

So are you only about you? Does it matter that you will affect her for a very long time if she finds out about your infidelity? If not, then you should be divorcing her anyway. If you do care for her, then do the right thing. I guess it comes down to whether you care for anyone but yourself.

[Anonymous]

Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

Maybe for some but you'll find many women who say they were having sex with their husbands but they still cheated. Also, if that is the case, just taking care of yourself should solve the problem but it clearly doesn't with the cheaters. There's more to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

It happens about 2% of the time...they cite it as the most depraved people being able to do this. Have the AP in their home repeatedly.

It is depraved. It is a sick, sick person that is capable of bringing another person into the family home and screw them over and over again.

And then go to bed in that same bed with their spouse. Look their children in the eyes when they come home from middle school/high school with the sex from just an hour ago lingering in the air.

Sick, sick, sickos. The majority are stay at home mothers living off their husband's $ too.

Gross. People actually do this?

Double wides in West VA ok. But, educated people in the DMV are bringing people they meet off of the Internet into their family’s homes to f@ck?!?!!

Don’t they have neighbors??? My neighborhood- everybody knows everyone. It wouldn’t go unnoticed if some dude or chick nobody knew started to become a regular visitor. Surely they are all talking behind his/her back. Those poor kids!!! If they are in MS/HS- it will get back to them.

What kind of parent does that? Christ- that’s dirty.

[Anonymous]

We have one in our neighborhood. It’s endless gossip among the dog walkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one in our neighborhood. It’s endless gossip among the dog walkers.

He comes mid-day same day of the week a few times per month. We toyed with leaving an anonymous note to her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

Maybe for some but you'll find many women who say they were having sex with their husbands but they still cheated. Also, if that is the case, just taking care of yourself should solve the problem but it clearly doesn't with the cheaters. There's more to it.

Not really, that is incredibly rare. Most cases of husband cheating is purely that wife is not interested. Nothing more to it than needing sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

Maybe for some but you'll find many women who say they were having sex with their husbands but they still cheated. Also, if that is the case, just taking care of yourself should solve the problem but it clearly doesn't with the cheaters. There's more to it.

Well, the reasons people have sex are not solely for physical pleasure. It's human connection, feelings of being desired, validation, closeness, all of those are part and parcel of the orgasmic experience. So its all of it.

Of course some people cheat for variety and some because they are sexually deprived. Both can also be true at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one in our neighborhood. It’s endless gossip among the dog walkers.

He comes mid-day same day of the week a few times per month. We toyed with leaving an anonymous note to her husband.

That’s crazy!! And stupid. Playing with fire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey Big guy, when your wife’s friends or family decide to beat the crap out of your AP or shave her hair off like the op described—are you going to come running to AP’s defense ? What if they toilet paper her house and car with “whore” signs? Or are you just using AP for sex and couldn’t care?

Just trying to figure out where your loyalty would be in that situation.

I’m dying to hear the answer to this one ....

He doesn’t think she has it in her own. He counts on her being weak/meek.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Just another perspective - my DH had a multi-year affair. When it came to light, it never occurred to me to confront his AP or get violent with her in any way. She just isn't important that way.