Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.


With 5 kids between you, how do you and AP find time? How did you meet? And how do you hid the expenses from you DH? That's the part I never understand. How do all these people find the time and money to have an affair without their spouses finding out

How much do you think it costs? It really isn't that much. We don't go out to eat or buy each other expensive gifts. Hotels can add up unless you have a place to go. Finding the time is a big factor. A lot more people would cheat if they could only find time that isn't accounted for.

[Anonymous]

^ these whores just screw in their spouse’s bed when kids are in school and spouse is at work. Hotels are used rarely.

It’s how they keep it going. Can you imagine being the person who finds out a stranger was screwing in their bed for years???

Only 2% of whores are this lowly that do that. These cases ALWAYS lead to divorce.

My sister is a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

^I imagine a person that doesn’t have a job and has kids in school all day and a husband at work has TONS of time to have an affair.

The spouses working do not.

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ these whores just screw in their spouse’s bed when kids are in school and spouse is at work. Hotels are used rarely.

It’s how they keep it going. Can you imagine being the person who finds out a stranger was screwing in their bed for years???

Only 2% of whores are this lowly that do that. These cases ALWAYS lead to divorce.

My sister is a marriage counselor.

I’ve read the sane statistics.

Realizing your spouse repeatedly brought a stranger INSIDE your family home and f@cked there is a death knell.

They are the most contentious divorces too.

I’d have to burn the mattress. I would have to sell the house. It’s been defiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

I don't even know you (thank God) but know that you are a selfish bitxh. Does it feel good to be used for sex? Do you hope your kids are just like you? You clearly are empty and are just looking for ego kibbles. I hope your DH tosses you hard to the curb.

I agree, a horrible person. Even if I couldn't stand my spouse I could never do that to my kids. You would never get that respect back.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters are losers who suck at life. That's why their wives don't want to have sex with them and despise them. Not complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

All fine until she finds out. I was cheated on and I ended up hating his guts. He threw away everything over a piece of garbage.

He was like you having a blast, and arrogant. I decided to see where he was going before and after work. It was quite easy to catch him. And who knows. Maybe your wife doesn't care what you do because she was done years ago. Maybe she knows and feels like you do, likes the lifestyle and hopes you slip on a banana peel. I know a few women in her situation. Many do know or suspect. There's a real reason your wife doesn't want to have sex with you.

You are (intentionally) ignoring the key reason married men cheat: wife does not want sex. The marriage can NOT go on like that! Hard stop. Go read that again until it sinks in.
Given this fact, everything you said makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

I don't even know you (thank God) but know that you are a selfish bitxh. Does it feel good to be used for sex? Do you hope your kids are just like you? You clearly are empty and are just looking for ego kibbles. I hope your DH tosses you hard to the curb.

I agree, a horrible person. Even if I couldn't stand my spouse I could never do that to my kids. You would never get that respect back.

They aren't even in this person's selfish thoughts. They think they will never get caught. They are horrible people that will suffer greatly at life's end. Karma will chew them up and spit them out.

How can you live with yourself? They have to have zero morals. I saw my husband's father die a lonely decrepit death with not a single one of his kids attending his funeral. Nobody went to the hospital. He had eventually alienated everyone.

[Anonymous]

Don't they realize if a spouse came home sick or early from work and they were there, they could be shot? They are a stranger in this person's home.

[Anonymous]

IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

It happens about 2% of the time...they cite it as the most depraved people being able to do this. Have the AP in their home repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

+1. Never. Wouldn't and neither would they.

[Anonymous]

So if most people don't go to APs house, where do you meet? If you meet at hotels, how do you pay for them without spouse finding out? Maybe the spouses really know but are turning a blind eye? Please share

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if most people don't go to APs house, where do you meet? If you meet at hotels, how do you pay for them without spouse finding out? Maybe the spouses really know but are turning a blind eye? Please share

Seriously, why do you care? I'm not writing a manual for you. I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, why do you care? I'm not writing a manual for you. I'm sure you can figure it out for yourself when the time comes.

Do you really need an afternoon at the Ritz to have top-flight sex? No.

How about paying for the room in cash at a low-tier motel (hi, Wolf Trap Inn)? That likely runs around $70 all in. If you do not have $70 in cash you can spend every week at the drop of a hat (or the drop of some slacks) then you should not be living in NoVA. You and the AP could split the cost so one person pays one week and another pays the next week.