Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

I don't even know you (thank God) but know that you are a selfish bitxh. Does it feel good to be used for sex? Do you hope your kids are just like you? You clearly are empty and are just looking for ego kibbles. I hope your DH tosses you hard to the curb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Big guy, when your wife’s friends or family decide to beat the crap out of your AP or shave her hair off like the op described—are you going to come running to AP’s defense ? What if they toilet paper her house and car with “whore” signs? Or are you just using AP for sex and couldn’t care?

Just trying to figure out where your loyalty would be in that situation.

You have an active imagination for sure. If you can think up ten more things the scorned woman might do, I promise, I'll answer what I'd do in response to all ten. By the way, the friends shaving the APs head never happened but it's a great story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

I don't even know you (thank God) but know that you are a selfish bitxh. Does it feel good to be used for sex? Do you hope your kids are just like you? You clearly are empty and are just looking for ego kibbles. I hope your DH tosses you hard to the curb.

Isn't she using him for sex? My AP uses me for sex. That's pretty much the point of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

The fact that you saw your AP on mother's day and the fact that you can't wait to see your AP again means this isn't emotionless. You're taking away time from your family, not just your wife, to be with your AP. Whether you believe it or not, you're on your way to mentally divorcing from you wife. Do her a favor and let her move on now. At least show her some respect for the time you spent together and that you have kids. I mean you are pretty disgusting for the way you treat your wife. Also, I'm sorry for your sons because their role model for how a woman should be treated and what is the right thing to do comes from you. Just feel bad for your sons and that you are their role model and not setting them up well for relationships with women (your attitude is pretty dismissive and uncaring for women). Maybe you don't care how women are treated and their plight doesn't make a difference to you (otherwise you would have told your wife about cheating/exploring divorce)--It certainly seems that way and so you sound misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Selfish and weak-minded. That sums it up. Anyone can change their current situation without cheating, but people are too selfish or weak to tackle relationship issues. Work on it or leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

All fine until she finds out. I was cheated on and I ended up hating his guts. He threw away everything over a piece of garbage.

He was like you having a blast, and arrogant. I decided to see where he was going before and after work. It was quite easy to catch him. And who knows. Maybe your wife doesn't care what you do because she was done years ago. Maybe she knows and feels like you do, likes the lifestyle and hopes you slip on a banana peel. I know a few women in her situation. Many do know or suspect. There's a real reason your wife doesn't want to have sex with you.

[Anonymous]

Sweet irony for sexless married dude would be to find out that his wife is not sexless, but just sexless with him.

[Anonymous]

Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.


With 5 kids between you, how do you and AP find time? How did you meet? And how do you hid the expenses from you DH? That's the part I never understand. How do all these people find the time and money to have an affair without their spouses finding out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But golf guy, you don't hide when you are going to play golf. You go tell your wife what you are going to play golf so she can go play tennis if she wants, and she knows you'll come home after a few hours on the green a little sweaty, a little tired, and maybe smelling like grass.

So ... not the same.

Golf guy does not ask her permission to play rather he just grabs his clubs and goes. Assuming she has a brain, she understand that her loss of desire for golf does NOT affect his intent to play.

Who cares if she finds tees in his pocket afterward? What's she gonna do, divorce him? So what!?!?... you are already telling him to divorce her so what's the difference? She doesn't care about golf so why would she want to divorce over his golfing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

The fact that you saw your AP on mother's day and the fact that you can't wait to see your AP again means this isn't emotionless. You're taking away time from your family, not just your wife, to be with your AP. Whether you believe it or not, you're on your way to mentally divorcing from you wife. Do her a favor and let her move on now. At least show her some respect for the time you spent together and that you have kids. I mean you are pretty disgusting for the way you treat your wife. Also, I'm sorry for your sons because their role model for how a woman should be treated and what is the right thing to do comes from you. Just feel bad for your sons and that you are their role model and not setting them up well for relationships with women (your attitude is pretty dismissive and uncaring for women). Maybe you don't care how women are treated and their plight doesn't make a difference to you (otherwise you would have told your wife about cheating/exploring divorce)--It certainly seems that way and so you sound misogynistic.

Oh my God, think of the children! Once again, I never said anything about having a son or a daughter. Why is it you can't have this discussion without dragging children into it? If I had a puppy, would I be neglecting him also?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

All fine until she finds out. I was cheated on and I ended up hating his guts. He threw away everything over a piece of garbage.

He was like you having a blast, and arrogant. I decided to see where he was going before and after work. It was quite easy to catch him. And who knows. Maybe your wife doesn't care what you do because she was done years ago. Maybe she knows and feels like you do, likes the lifestyle and hopes you slip on a banana peel. I know a few women in her situation. Many do know or suspect. There's a real reason your wife doesn't want to have sex with you.

Oh I know, it's because I'm such an a$$hole for sure. I've been told that many times already in this thread. The great thing is, it doesn't matter to me any more why she doesn't want to have sex. That's a mystery i'm done trying to solve. She doesn't want it, and I don't try to convince her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sweet irony for sexless married dude would be to find out that his wife is not sexless, but just sexless with him.

That's a great fantasy but OK, I'll play along. If that were the case, the outcome is the same for me so it makes no difference to how this plays out. Either way, she isn't willing to resume our sex life.