Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, divorce is your friend. Why do you go on a rant on sexlessness when you don’t have to suffer if you get a divorce? This is what makes you selfish and a narc. Just go find someone younger and new who will love having sex with you. Give your wife respect and a chance for a future that she doesn’t have with you. You’ve got one foot out the door whether you realize it or not. Do your wife a favor and divorce her even if it is not the right time for you.

Divorce helps nobody because nobody is suffering. The sexless wife is happy (stays married + no sex) and the normal libido man is also happy getting sex elsewhere. Why divorce a sexless wife over something so unimportant and trivial as sex? That’s the absolute last thing on her list, something she doesn’t even want, it can’t be any big deal that he does that unimportant thing with another woman. That’s actually a nicer favor to her than divorce: if she wanted that she’d just get one herself.

Good point. My DW hates golf. She used to like it, not any more. That's fine, I'll just go play golf without her. She doesn't miss playing golf. I'm not going to get divorced over this.

Ok then be truthful and tell her. Also I am betting these sexless men are still having sex with their wives even if it's not much. Therefore you can see give her a disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And her and her whore cheater friends loved to discuss their affairs. Wtf?! What kind of women are these?!!

I have childhood friends, HS friends, work friends, a tight knit group of 4 college friends - we all know each other’s husbands. Nobody trash talks them and nobody has talked about having an affair or f@cking guys behind their backs.

But, my friends are all pretty, accomplished, athletes with careers- I didn’t hang around the whore crowd in HS/college.

Classy women these women bragging about their affair partners to friends, comparing dick notes and conquests.

I would not call any woman looking for d*ck on the Internet and screwing them in her husband's bed classy. Lol

They like to portray themselves as worldly, enlightened and 'French'...ummm you are on a loser website picking up other loser's just for sex.

Unprotected internet sex with strangers when you are married, whether they are married themselves or not, is the definition of a dirty whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey Big guy, when your wife’s friends or family decide to beat the crap out of your AP or shave her hair off like the op described—are you going to come running to AP’s defense ? What if they toilet paper her house and car with “whore” signs? Or are you just using AP for sex and couldn’t care?

Just trying to figure out where your loyalty would be in that situation.

I’m dying to hear the answer to this one ....

He doesn’t think she has it in her own. He counts on her being weak/meek.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the benefit of sending a 3-page letter. That makes it pretty easy for the cheater to say "Look at this crazy person making stuff up. They're obsessed with me.. They wrote a 3-page letter!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And her and her whore cheater friends loved to discuss their affairs. Wtf?! What kind of women are these?!!

I have childhood friends, HS friends, work friends, a tight knit group of 4 college friends - we all know each other’s husbands. Nobody trash talks them and nobody has talked about having an affair or f@cking guys behind their backs.

But, my friends are all pretty, accomplished, athletes with careers- I didn’t hang around the whore crowd in HS/college.

Classy women these women bragging about their affair partners to friends, comparing dick notes and conquests.

One of my friends had a hair stylist who would brag about the married guy she was seeing. She would relate the story to me and it's just horrified me. My friend pretended to agree with her to hear the latest. I told her to try and get his name and tell his wife. I would have contacted the wife myself.

[Anonymous]

But golf guy, you don't hide when you are going to play golf. You go tell your wife what you are going to play golf so she can go play tennis if she wants, and she knows you'll come home after a few hours on the green a little sweaty, a little tired, and maybe smelling like grass.

So ... not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the benefit of sending a 3-page letter. That makes it pretty easy for the cheater to say "Look at this crazy person making stuff up. They're obsessed with me.. They wrote a 3-page letter!"

Yes. Just wait to see the guy in public. Be rationale and have loads of evidence he can't deny because she will deny everything and write it off as 'crazy'.

As part of repentance, I would make my husband call the guy and tell him.

[Anonymous]

Test

[Anonymous]

Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Your spouses would be having passionate sex if they were having affairs too. It's the nature of affairs. Do you not understand that?

Long-term marriages NEED WORK. They need time and investment. If they go stale over time, you don't bail and screw somebody else. See a therapist, INVEST THE TIME AND GO TO THE HOTELS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE--not some other MARRIED PERSON.

And, yes, those five kids will not take it when they find out their mother and father are screwing other people behind their beloved parent's back.

You are selfish. Completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

If I was your husband and found out, you would be thrown out on your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

If you are okay with being a whore. Fine. Do you have daughters or sons or both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

It's called passion, b*tch. I know you don't have it for your own husband, but many other women do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Your spouses would be having passionate sex if they were having affairs too. It's the nature of affairs. Do you not understand that?

Long-term marriages NEED WORK. They need time and investment. If they go stale over time, you don't bail and screw somebody else. See a therapist, INVEST THE TIME AND GO TO THE HOTELS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE--not some other MARRIED PERSON.

And, yes, those five kids will not take it when they find out their mother and father are screwing other people behind their beloved parent's back.

You are selfish. Completely.

They think they have magic sparkle twats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am raising my children with an idea about how relationships work and those ideas about relationships include transparency, honesty, equality and consent. I am not raising my daughter to be someone else's sex slave. I am not raising my son to expect sex from his wife at his demand. Sex, even in marriage, has to be consensual. Lack of sex, by contrast, is not always consensual. I can choose not to sleep with you even if you don't agree to that.

Yes, it might be that if my kids no longer want to have sex with their spouse, that the relationship might be at an end. I am raising them to be honest and transparent and skilled enough to verbally negotiate the parameters of a new relationship -- whether it be a marriage in which the partners agree to no longer be monogamous or agree to divorce, etc.

My goal is not to raise my kids to preserve a marriage above all else. That leads to abuse.

Where do you get these outrageous claims of “sex slave” or “sex on demand”? I agree: sex in marriage must be consensual. You can certainly choose not to sleep with your spouse. And your spouse is equally free to choose to sleep with the neighbor. That’s how it works.

If you don’t like that, I’d suggest either you keep wanting regular sex, or get a divorce.