Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You use daycare next to office. When I worked in Bethesda there was literally a nice day care center in building right next to office. The Mom next to me used to bring kid to work with her. drop her kid next door and go to work. No stress. They got 40 minutes in car every morning. At end of day, she walk and get her. If OT needed the come back to office, kid would hang out with Mom 15 minutes to an hour then they drive home.

My own wife her company actually had day care in building. My wife used to go down at lunch time and take my daughter out for a stroll on nice days and play with her at lunch time. They also had an app with a link my wife could click on her desk to see our kid. My wife checked it a lot first week or two.

You can have Mom friendly companies that are in person.

I then was lucky to move to a very family friendly company. Amazing pay and good medical so my wife then decided to take a break from work for 20 years. Waited to the youngest of three hit HS before going back.

Let me break it down to you. I have three kids. Two are in elementary school. They don’t go to daycare. One is in daycare. I pick the one in daycare up at 5:30 pm. We can’t afford to live right next to work. However we did pay a premium to live right next to a metro in Arlington. My husband’s work relocated last year and now is far from the metro. My job is next to the metro but takes approximately 50-1 hr to commute (this is considered a good commute by DC standards). Daycare doesn’t exist for my elementary school kids. You must not understand what daycare is.

Living in arlington near the metro with an hour commute is not considered good! You can drive downtown in 25 minutes with traffic. I know because i do it. Where are you going on the metro that takes an hour?

Haha seems like PP needs a geography lesson. Downtown is close to Arlington. The rest of DC is not.

You people are all insane. Housing is limited and is expensive. Jobs are limited and based on your degree, experience and expertise. Not everyone is lucky enough to find a house right next to where they live that is affordable, close to schools/daycare, that fits a family. You all know that. At this point this is just trolling.

Thank you. As if we wouldn't make our lives so much easier if it were so easily within reach!

I think the difference is forethought and willingness to make a change. When we decided to buy, we bought in far out Fairfax County (Herndon) knowing that we would both only agree to work in the Tyson’s/Reston/Herndon area going forward. Our days of downtown jobs are long over. DH has gotten many headhunter calls over the years that he simply turns down because the jobs are in DC or Rosslyn.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

Many daycares do close at 6 pm. Also after a long day without their parents you are saying young children shouldn’t see their parents for even longer and parents should just hire a nanny? Seems like what you are saying is that being a good parent is not compatible with having a full time job. Basically this is what republicans want. For working mothers to quit their jobs. What people who want women in the workplace but agree with you are saying is that either kids should just not see their parents except on the weekends or that women who want to work should not have kids. Disgusting.

Or, you know, just don’t live an hour away from your job.

I simply can’t afford to live in DC. What I can afford is a 2 bedroom apartment and I have three kids. What you are telling me is I shouldn’t have kids. Do you believe that working women should have kids? It’s a simple question. Or do you only believe that working women who are rich enough to afford a house right next to work should have kids? Also do you believe that kids with working parents should be able to see at least their parents for more than an hour a day?

I believe none of those things. I believe if you can afford to live in/near DC, you should get a different job closer to where you CAN afford to live.

That’s a bold statement. I have searched for years and couldn’t even score an interview for a 150k job in DC. I make 300k now. Some skills are truly niche!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

It’s not a dwindling supply but increased cost. I’m actually sympathetic to the RTO side because it’s apparent even in my own work (private) that full time WFH does not work, but something needs to be done about the cost of childcare. I pay exactly double an hour for a nanny that I did pre-pandemic. Double! And I’m not DCUM wealthy. The people saying “suck it up” paid $16 for a nanny just 5 years and have no idea what parents are up against. And if you complain about what nannies cost (more than many nurses make) people accuse you of abusing your employees. Parents can’t win.

But that’s the problem. You don’t need a “nanny.” Private in home childcare is a premium service. If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it. You use group childcare that you can afford. Yes, it will be less convenient for you. That’s OK. Yes, it may mean your kid doesn’t do extracurriculars every day after school that require transportation. That’s OK too. Locate your adult pants, pull them up and get on with it.

Spoken like someone who is either childless or has 1 kid.

The number of kids is your choice. You need to figure it out.

Lol the childless HOA president with 12 cats over here is here to lecture us on life choices 😂

Aren’t you embarrassed to be so loud and so wrong? You should be.

How do we know if PP is wrong? It’s an anonymous forum. You could be lying too lol.

Sigh. *I* know they’re wrong, thus my comment. If I’m lying to scam this one particular commenter on one particular thread, I’ve been playing a five year long game of posting the same information about my family on DCUM since 2020 leading up to this moment. Of course, to assert that’s true would be moronic, Ask the moderator — or, you know, get. a life.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We pay for pre-care and after-care. It’s wonderful to know that it is there as we need it. If we come home early one day, then just pick the DC up. It’s an expense that gives peace of mind. I don’t want to keep hiring Nannie’s and teens for an hour here or there. I don’t want to keep searching on care.com. We just sucked up and paid for the given spot.

I our school district you will lose your lost if your kid misses too many days of before/after care. Also, there's a waiting list a mile long. This is not an option available to everyone.

Where we live there are plenty of TKD/ballet/gymnastics type places that pick up at the schools. More people use these than the onsite programs. You don't have to sign up for all 5 days if you don't want to, and they don't care if you don't use the spot every day you have paid for. Look around - I'm sure these exist where you are, in addition to in home situations as well.

Fun fact: none of those places are licensed child care settings, so if you have a child with a disability or a medical condition (or even allergies) it’s not necessarily someplace that child can safely go or will be welcome

Fun fact: That doesn’t apply to the majority of people whining here. If it does to you (the royal you), then seek out another childcare arrangement that does work. Or quit and go work somewhere with hours and conditions you like better. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

Even if it is part of the benefit package, benefits change. I’ve had employers move from pensions to 401ks, change health insurance carriers and plans, increase premiums, add transit accounts, take away long term care insurance, move to “unlimited” PTO, add telework, reduce telework, rework comp days. A federal government job is more stable than most private sector one, but nothing is guaranteed.

For decades, we’ve heard feds smugly claim how underpaid they are vis-a-vis what they could be making in the private sector, but that they endure because of their morally superior sense of duty and service. Meanwhile, we hear about the million-dollar (+) close-in homes you live in, and the more evolved vacations you take because you are better with money than we are.

I think a good part of America is struggling to understand why there is now so much panic about forks and RIFs and RTO, if you were making such a mission-driven sacrifice in the first place. Why not take one of these plentiful private sector jobs that you were oh-so-qualified for but didn’t take? Or why your dedication to public service is gone now that you have to put your kids in daycare and commute during rush hour like the rest of us?

Was it really moral superiority, or did you just have a good deal, and now that that deal is gone, you’re facing the same trade-offs that the rest of America faces?

Yeah, no. This is the part you either made up or hallucinated. Those weren't feds here.

Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

We were a two fed home (I resigned) and do not live in a million dollar house. We're still in the same starter home we bought 25 years ago. But even if we did, it is NONE of your effing business and you have no idea what other peoples' financial situations are and nor should you.

Cool. Then they shouldn’t whine on the internet ad nauseam for attention about RTO.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

The solution is live closer to work. Whatever that looks like in your budget. Queue the balking in 3…2…1…

Not balking, but that’s not always as realistic as you make it out to be. Some people work in (gasp!) a different part of the metro area than their partner/spouse. Others (gasp!) change jobs and can’t just pick up and move to a new house every time that happens. Others (double gasp!) don’t want to raise their children in a 1-BR apt (which is pretty much all we could afford close to DH’s office). I could go on, but surely you could also use your imagination.

Also, given that the people in this situation are *parents*, it's worth bearing in mind that picking your kid up and putting them in a different school isn't always possible, definitely isn't great for them and is especially both of those things in March.

We don’t apply to jobs that are farther from our home than we are willing to commute. We live in Nova and literally do not even apply to jobs in DC.

This is a little unfair. Most people start their careers before they have kids. It's really hard to predict how your commute will work when you have kids in school. I used to live in another city in the outskirts and worked downtown. My commute took 45 minutes to an hour and that felt fine. I was single, no kids. Now I can't imagine our life if my commute was more than 30 minutes. I thank my lucky stars that the job I happened to get out of grad school is not in DC or other downtown area that essentially requires a 45min-1hr commute unless you have a lot of money. My dad used to do commutes like that growing up, and it seemed normal to me. But that lifestyle worked mainly if there was a SAHP/part-time working spouse. Telework/remote work is a way to adapt white collar jobs to dual working parent families. I do think these families should still have full time child care if they are working full time, but adding a 1+ hour commute each way to a full time job and parenting is insane and unsustainable.

It’s telling that you think the job you had long before kids should still be the same job you have many years later. Most people are many jobs removed from their pre kids job. My kids are teens and my DH has had five or six jobs since then and he was geographically limited on all of them. We haven’t moved houses.

What is it telling?

Some of you are so limited in your thinking. You can't see past your own nose and situation. So maybe save your opinions. They are useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

I am not a PP who is on here talking about childcare (just so you know). But you cannot possible tell anyone else on an anonymous website what they deserve or don't deserve or can or cannot afford. You have no real information. This is simply you revealing your petty, nasty biases and your complete lack of empathy and decency.

Look around you. What is happening is unnecessary, unfair, and outrageous. People signed workplace flexibility agreements and they are being ignored because....well no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. People are losing their jobs that they care about and are good at for...well, no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. Who isn't even doing anything beneficial. He's just torturing people to distract from the real grift. They want no oversight of their unethical deeds. They have said outright that they want to traumatize feds. Just regular people doing their jobs. And jerks like you cheer on the traumatizing and abuse of your fellow citizens who have...done nothing to you, while ignoring the real criminals taking apart our government.

Go away jackass.

Perfect summation and spot on X 10000000000000000000.
The thread can now be closed.

No one is closing the thread and none is “going away” because endless whiners demand they do so.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

And apparently assumed, for some bizarre reason, that it would stay exactly the same in perpetuity until retirement. Your mistake.

+1. I can’t even with this.

Why not. It’s part of the benefit package that they advertise when you get hired: healthcare, dental benefits, paid leave depending on years of service and flexible work options. We make less but have better benefits.

It’s not “part of the benefit package” that your job and responsibilities and situation will remain exactly the same your entire career. Have you ever even had another job besides your Fed job? It doesn’t sound like it. Jobs, job situations, job duties, bosses, coworkers, and other aspects of your job are not promised and not forever. If you think you can find a different job that promises you full telework and full job security forever, you should definitely take it.

Even if it is part of the benefit package, benefits change. I’ve had employers move from pensions to 401ks, change health insurance carriers and plans, increase premiums, add transit accounts, take away long term care insurance, move to “unlimited” PTO, add telework, reduce telework, rework comp days. A federal government job is more stable than most private sector one, but nothing is guaranteed.

For decades, we’ve heard feds smugly claim how underpaid they are vis-a-vis what they could be making in the private sector, but that they endure because of their morally superior sense of duty and service. Meanwhile, we hear about the million-dollar (+) close-in homes you live in, and the more evolved vacations you take because you are better with money than we are.

I think a good part of America is struggling to understand why there is now so much panic about forks and RIFs and RTO, if you were making such a mission-driven sacrifice in the first place. Why not take one of these plentiful private sector jobs that you were oh-so-qualified for but didn’t take? Or why your dedication to public service is gone now that you have to put your kids in daycare and commute during rush hour like the rest of us?

Was it really moral superiority, or did you just have a good deal, and now that that deal is gone, you’re facing the same trade-offs that the rest of America faces?

Yeah, no. This is the part you either made up or hallucinated. Those weren't feds here.

Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

We were a two fed home (I resigned) and do not live in a million dollar house. We're still in the same starter home we bought 25 years ago. But even if we did, it is NONE of your effing business and you have no idea what other peoples' financial situations are and nor should you.

Cool. Then they shouldn’t whine on the internet ad nauseam for attention about RTO.

You don't need to read it or offer an opinion. Listen to Thumpers mom...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. (But you can't help it, can you? Maybe you should think on that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

I am not a PP who is on here talking about childcare (just so you know). But you cannot possible tell anyone else on an anonymous website what they deserve or don't deserve or can or cannot afford. You have no real information. This is simply you revealing your petty, nasty biases and your complete lack of empathy and decency.

Look around you. What is happening is unnecessary, unfair, and outrageous. People signed workplace flexibility agreements and they are being ignored because....well no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. People are losing their jobs that they care about and are good at for...well, no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. Who isn't even doing anything beneficial. He's just torturing people to distract from the real grift. They want no oversight of their unethical deeds. They have said outright that they want to traumatize feds. Just regular people doing their jobs. And jerks like you cheer on the traumatizing and abuse of your fellow citizens who have...done nothing to you, while ignoring the real criminals taking apart our government.

Go away jackass.

Perfect summation and spot on X 10000000000000000000.
The thread can now be closed.

No one is closing the thread and none is “going away” because endless whiners demand they do so.

The only whining is coming from you and your fellow jerko PPs. No compassion, just want to dogpile and kick people when they are down. You are the ones with the real mental problems here. Chips missing.

Feds have legit beefs and are entitled to vent. You don't like it, shove off. We won't miss you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

I am not a PP who is on here talking about childcare (just so you know). But you cannot possible tell anyone else on an anonymous website what they deserve or don't deserve or can or cannot afford. You have no real information. This is simply you revealing your petty, nasty biases and your complete lack of empathy and decency.

Look around you. What is happening is unnecessary, unfair, and outrageous. People signed workplace flexibility agreements and they are being ignored because....well no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. People are losing their jobs that they care about and are good at for...well, no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. Who isn't even doing anything beneficial. He's just torturing people to distract from the real grift. They want no oversight of their unethical deeds. They have said outright that they want to traumatize feds. Just regular people doing their jobs. And jerks like you cheer on the traumatizing and abuse of your fellow citizens who have...done nothing to you, while ignoring the real criminals taking apart our government.

Go away jackass.

NO ONE HERE IS GOING TO TURN TIME BACK AND GET YOUR TELEWORK AGREEMENT BACK UP AND RUNNING.
Why can't you understand that? Stop blaming experienced mothers for your problem. Blame Trump, not us.

Are you dim? Do you understand what venting is? No one is blaming PPs for being anything other than being jerks in their "helpful" posts.

If you can't deliver the advice without the judgy nastiness, move along. Too many aholes on here just dumping on further. Feds are getting the shaft here. That's the truth. They have a right to be angry. They have a right to vent. They have a right to expect some grace with the suddenness and brutalness of this current situation.

If you have helpful advice you are ready to deliver with some compassion, have at it. If you are going to say stupid things like "get real" or "make better choices" or tell us a story about how you walked to work uphill both ways wearing heels in the snow while you carried both kids in a backpack to their daycare, go away.

Why do you keep saying this? We aren’t leaving. You aren’t the moderator. Your demands that we leave for not blowing sunshine up your derrière and telling you what you want to hear is all part of your absolutely massive tantrum. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

If the solution is “more nannies” then compensation for women needs to match that of men, salaries of millennials need to catch up with inflation, and realistic childcare tax breaks implemented. Oh and we probably need to support immigration so we can actually find and hire people who want to nanny. BTW part time nannies are EXTREMELY hard to find, and even harder if only a few hours a week.

The solution is live closer to work. Whatever that looks like in your budget. Queue the balking in 3…2…1…

Not balking, but that’s not always as realistic as you make it out to be. Some people work in (gasp!) a different part of the metro area than their partner/spouse. Others (gasp!) change jobs and can’t just pick up and move to a new house every time that happens. Others (double gasp!) don’t want to raise their children in a 1-BR apt (which is pretty much all we could afford close to DH’s office). I could go on, but surely you could also use your imagination.

“Don’t want to.” Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You use daycare next to office. When I worked in Bethesda there was literally a nice day care center in building right next to office. The Mom next to me used to bring kid to work with her. drop her kid next door and go to work. No stress. They got 40 minutes in car every morning. At end of day, she walk and get her. If OT needed the come back to office, kid would hang out with Mom 15 minutes to an hour then they drive home.

My own wife her company actually had day care in building. My wife used to go down at lunch time and take my daughter out for a stroll on nice days and play with her at lunch time. They also had an app with a link my wife could click on her desk to see our kid. My wife checked it a lot first week or two.

You can have Mom friendly companies that are in person.

I then was lucky to move to a very family friendly company. Amazing pay and good medical so my wife then decided to take a break from work for 20 years. Waited to the youngest of three hit HS before going back.

Let me break it down to you. I have three kids. Two are in elementary school. They don’t go to daycare. One is in daycare. I pick the one in daycare up at 5:30 pm. We can’t afford to live right next to work. However we did pay a premium to live right next to a metro in Arlington. My husband’s work relocated last year and now is far from the metro. My job is next to the metro but takes approximately 50-1 hr to commute (this is considered a good commute by DC standards). Daycare doesn’t exist for my elementary school kids. You must not understand what daycare is.

Living in arlington near the metro with an hour commute is not considered good! You can drive downtown in 25 minutes with traffic. I know because i do it. Where are you going on the metro that takes an hour?

Haha seems like PP needs a geography lesson. Downtown is close to Arlington. The rest of DC is not.

You people are all insane. Housing is limited and is expensive. Jobs are limited and based on your degree, experience and expertise. Not everyone is lucky enough to find a house right next to where they live that is affordable, close to schools/daycare, that fits a family. You all know that. At this point this is just trolling.

Agreed. Such a bunch of horrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
Two income feds are buying million dollar homes.

And how does this hurt you?

Plenty of people saved for major down payments or sold a smaller property to make a down payment. But really it doesn’t actually matter how other people spend their money. You don’t own them.

DP here. It doesn’t matter at all until they insist the reason they can’t RTO is because they can’t afford childcare in their million dollar house. Then it matters. You can’t cry poverty simply because you overspent.

I am not a PP who is on here talking about childcare (just so you know). But you cannot possible tell anyone else on an anonymous website what they deserve or don't deserve or can or cannot afford. You have no real information. This is simply you revealing your petty, nasty biases and your complete lack of empathy and decency.

Look around you. What is happening is unnecessary, unfair, and outrageous. People signed workplace flexibility agreements and they are being ignored because....well no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. People are losing their jobs that they care about and are good at for...well, no actual reason other than the whims of a crazy billionaire megalomaniac. Who isn't even doing anything beneficial. He's just torturing people to distract from the real grift. They want no oversight of their unethical deeds. They have said outright that they want to traumatize feds. Just regular people doing their jobs. And jerks like you cheer on the traumatizing and abuse of your fellow citizens who have...done nothing to you, while ignoring the real criminals taking apart our government.

Go away jackass.

NO ONE HERE IS GOING TO TURN TIME BACK AND GET YOUR TELEWORK AGREEMENT BACK UP AND RUNNING.
Why can't you understand that? Stop blaming experienced mothers for your problem. Blame Trump, not us.

Are you dim? Do you understand what venting is? No one is blaming PPs for being anything other than being jerks in their "helpful" posts.

If you can't deliver the advice without the judgy nastiness, move along. Too many aholes on here just dumping on further. Feds are getting the shaft here. That's the truth. They have a right to be angry. They have a right to vent. They have a right to expect some grace with the suddenness and brutalness of this current situation.

If you have helpful advice you are ready to deliver with some compassion, have at it. If you are going to say stupid things like "get real" or "make better choices" or tell us a story about how you walked to work uphill both ways wearing heels in the snow while you carried both kids in a backpack to their daycare, go away.

Why do you keep saying this? We aren’t leaving. You aren’t the moderator. Your demands that we leave for not blowing sunshine up your derrière and telling you what you want to hear is all part of your absolutely massive tantrum. DP

Psst. You are the ones that are having a tantrum. Or just being mean. We'll keep calling you on it because you deserve it. Your opinions are useless and a waste of space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly experienced mothers would not stoop to this pettiness.

I agree - truly experienced moms get that balancing kids and work is hard and we applaud those parents who are investing in reliable childcare so they can actually work. I’ve been burned at work by parents who are distracted trying to juggle kids and work for an extended period of time and don’t get that the solution is to invest in childcare.

Ha- doesn’t get better back in the office. I get burned by parents having to leave at 5pm on the dot to pick up their kids from daycare. We often have meetings that go past that. They claim daycares close at 6 and kid has softball. Seems like more nannies are needed.

Yeah, if I’ve been at work since 8 am I’m not staying past 5. This is the type of rigidity that RTO creates. You need my @ss in the seat for 8 hours, that’s exactly what you are going to get. Schedule your ridiculous end of the day meeting for earlier.

It’s fine. It’s not like you were working more hours than that at home anyway. You were just “flexing” your time as you like to say. No one actually believes this results in more work product.

Weird cuz every single company and client I’ve worked with in the last 15 years has been super happy with my work product and I have flexed around my family life for that long -and- I’m the primary wage earner. TL;DR, maybe YOU are sh!t at WFH but plenty of other people aren’t.

It’s always telling to me that the most mediocre performers are the ones who scream that everyone should be in the office with them. Probably because with no one to corner in the kitchen, they’re forced to be productive.

Not all of us need peer pressure to produce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a cushy semi govt adjacent agency and here is one working moms schedule. She is remote. Has a 3 and 7 year old. Minimum hours include two 15 minute paid breaks and a 30 minute unpaid lunch

She gets up gets kid ready and drops 3 year old off at day care, comes back logs on at 8am, out to bus stop 815 am for 7 year old, back in logs on a bit, showers gets dressed, then some work, then 30 minute lunch, pick up kid bus stop around 340 pm back to work logs off 430 pm and gets kid day care.

She is efficient but really my 84 year mother in law could do this level of work with no stress.

This is not reality for a six figure job,

Well if you know ONE person, it's all got to be torn down. Tear it all down.



FFS PP.

That’s 95 percent of the moms with young kids my company.

That’s my impression of many of the wfh moms in my neighborhood too based on when they grocery shop, go running, and drop off/pickup their kids. (I do shift work at odd times before anyone accuses me of not working either.)

First of all, you don’t know these mom’s schedules and their work output. Many have flexible schedules and make up hours in the early morning and evening. Second, the moms who are actually abusing work and doing all of this while working at home do the same thing in the office: they get coffee, extra long lunches, do their nails, use the office gym, chat for an endlessly long time with their coworkers… I mean come on ppl.

You people’s repeated insistence that it’s EXACTLY THE SAME level of easy to screw around all day when you’re in your own home alone and in an office where supervisors can see if you’re doing no work is insulting to the collective intelligence.

Now come back with some predictable sputtering 7th grade retort like “well…well, that won’t e a problem for YOU, because YOU DON’T HAVE ANY INTELLIGENCE! OMG!!”