Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Currently our plan is for me to work 6-2:30pm. I wish I didn’t have to work an additional 30 as I’m too busy to take a lunch, but the union forces that. I actually think that additional 30 min is more disruptive to my family than RTO.

My spouse and I are both dual feds. Dh has always been in office 5 days a week, zero flexibility. I currently have no plan for what to do when my kids are sick. I could have teleworked previously. I will just take leave.

I think our entire country needs to have a hard look at redoing schools. They are broken in so, so many ways. The constant closures and short school hours are very hard on all families. Kids are falling behind everywhere and those two things are part of the problem.

A workday + a commute is too long for kids to be in school. The school day is too long already.

Dh and I have under 10min commutes, which we specifically chose. School could easily be 8 hours a day. Being in school until 3 or 4pm is not too long. My school gets out at 2:10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I went back to the office in 2021, I paid for before- and aftercare, and I burned PTO for sick days. Luckily, my aftercare place was open for most teacher workdays/snowdays/non-holidays.

DS was in some form of childcare or school from 7 am until 5 pm.

The above is what was typical pre-2020. We were fortunate to have a relatively large house so we instead got an au pair. (We had several au pairs over several years-- they stay either one or two years each.) They are much more affordable than you'd expect, but they work best if you have a basement bedroom (or something similarly isolated) and if you have the patience and flexibility to essentially have a teenage kid to manage on top of the rest of your busy life. (i.e., they often stay out late on weekends, like to spend time on their phone even while working, etc.) In sum, it was a pain. But it was perfect in terms of having someone to be there for morning school drop off, for afternoon school pickup, for snowdays, sick days, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful youor husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

Yes this. RTO is to punish working mothers. They benefited from it the most.

This isn't a new issue. People figured it out or stayed home before covid.

[Anonymous]

My son is in college and when he was in elementary school, I worked in a full-time in-person office that was about an hour's commute. I didn't have support from family, etc. But I used the school's after-school provider (who was for profit) company. When he got a bit older, I used the county's program at a rec center (he had to take a school bus there).

Is this no longer an option?

When he was sick, I took a day of PTO. (Or two, three... as needed).

When he had a holiday or teacher workday, I took PTO. (I didn't get President's Day or MLK Day back then. It was annoying. When he was about 6-7 years old, he'd go into the office with me and read, color, etc.)

Are there really NO after-school programs anymore?

[Anonymous]

We have always had to have a nanny given long, early and unpredictable work hours. I don't think you'll be able to find a strong, dependable nanny for $2000 a month though.

[Anonymous]

People did this as a matter of course pre 2020. Yes, it meant that kids were in before and after care and that at least 1 parent had a job with a bit of flex to their hours. I keep trying to put myself in the position of only knowing hybrid work life so I have more sympathy, but the fact that people can’t seem to handle this shift back to the office like it’s something that’s never been done before by parents is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful youor husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

Yes this. RTO is to punish working mothers. They benefited from it the most.

This isn't a new issue. People figured it out or stayed home before covid.

NP - the lack of any flexibility for most feds IS new. It was NOT like this before covid. Many of us were able to telework at least a few days a week and/or some schedule flexibility. This whole butts in seats for 8.5 hours is not typical. Yes, I realize many jobs don’t have that flexibility due to their specific requirements. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People did this as a matter of course pre 2020. Yes, it meant that kids were in before and after care and that at least 1 parent had a job with a bit of flex to their hours. I keep trying to put myself in the position of only knowing hybrid work life so I have more sympathy, but the fact that people can’t seem to handle this shift back to the office like it’s something that’s never been done before by parents is a bit much.

+1 and you're a better person than me for even trying. Did no one pay any attention to anyone with kids before 2020? Were you never a kid with working parents yourself? Did you have no friends or no coworkers who parented under less flexible circumstances? Its so odd to me that this is our main convo in 2025.

[Anonymous]

We did an afternoon nanny share with two other families in the neighborhood.

It's worked out great. The nanny is a mother's helper from 8-12 daily with another family and then she collects our kids from the bus stop at 2:30. She rotates which house she uses each afternoon. The kids get a snack, do homework, and play until parents start arriving home between 5:30 and 6:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

I've never been able to WFH so we always had childcare. My oldest was born in 2016 and we paid for nannies then preschool then aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

So true.
OP, I don’t know why you’re getting so much snark from some of the posters here. Being a working mom can truly suck for most of us and requires a tremendous mental burden and juggling and tolerance for exhaustion. Just because that’s how it was before people could work remotely doesn’t mean that we were “lucky” to have the past few years remote. It means that remote or flexible options should have been on the table much much earlier! But of course the only way that could happen is if a pandemic forced companies to do that.
Taking care of kids without being feeling like you’re burning the candle at both ends is so important but the only way that may become a reality is if more females are in leadership (and therefore have to struggle).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

Older GenX here and yes, most of us that had both parents working had our kids in some sort of childcare for long hours each day. We didn’t have flexible jobs and there was no remote work. It was pretty much the norm unless people opted to have one parent SAH. But as the many posts over recent years have shown, we were judged if we stayed home or judged if our kids were in daycare for long hours.

It’s a challenge juggling work and life balance and has been for years. People have to make the choices that work best foe their own family and know they will be judged by others.

[Anonymous]

I started my own firm and hired a nanny.