Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

I really want to know how other parents are managing RTO without a village.

I quit a job that paid $112K in the state government because of RTO, and we had no support network - no grandparents, friends, or family who could help with pick-up/drop-off or sick days.

My husband is gone from 4AM - 4PM in a secure, union job. I am solely responsible for school drop-off, pickup, and sick days. I was managing a full-time, supervisory position in the government, which was becoming incredibly challenging. When I looked at our finances, I could have enrolled our son in a before/after school care program or hired a nanny, which would cost us roughly $2000/month. This would mean he is at school from 7 AM - 4PM to allow for commute times. My son struggled to adjust to a full-time Kindergarten schedule from 8:30 - 3 PM, and his teacher suggested half days. (He is in an affordable private school)

My manager wanted me to come into the office for 2 days/week. This would mean I leave the house at 6:45 AM to get to work on time by 7:45 for an 8AM start. I was in a supervisory role that required me to train my staff. But we couldn't leave the office once we were there. So that meant I was there for 2 days/week, with my butt in a seat, and then had to compress my staff's training schedule to 3 other days/week. I had five staff in training who all needed extensive support.

So, I quit. I took a significant pay cut and am now making $30/hr in the private sector. I now have fewer retirement contributions but plan to return to a full-time, salaried base position when my son is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours. However, my office is home-based, and I have 2-3 hours of work meetings with clients in the field. I also make my own schedule and work 30 hours/week. My take-home pay is significantly less, but my son is happy to have me drop him off, and I can always be there for sick days. Before, I was scrambling to get everything done.

[Anonymous]

cool story bro

[Anonymous]

That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful youor husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

[Anonymous]

We hired help as needed. I didn’t want to be shortsighted and quit a good job over the few years we would need daycare.

[Anonymous]

When I went back to the office in 2021, I paid for before- and aftercare, and I burned PTO for sick days. Luckily, my aftercare place was open for most teacher workdays/snowdays/non-holidays.

DS was in some form of childcare or school from 7 am until 5 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful youor husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

Ironically my husband, the vet without a bachelor’s, is going to be the one who is going to have to SAH thanks to the Trump administration. He was the breadwinner, so it’s going to be a struggle. He has a lot of experience and is good at his job, but he’ll be screened out of the private sector due to a lack of degree.

[Anonymous]

Our plan is for me to work 6-2, husband has flexible-ish job, and then I’ll be home to pick kids up. It means not seeing my kids in the morning, which makes me sad, but that’s how I’ll beat traffic both ways and have afternoon/evenings with kids.

I’m also looking to leave my gov job, because it pays a lot less than industry. The perks of flexible hours, 2-3 days a week wfh and stability are now gone, so no sense making 2/3 of what I could be making.

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna try to find a hybrid job that's closer to home.

[Anonymous]

I probably would have hired a nanny in your position for that $2K per month. He will be full time in school by next year and then you're only paying for summer care and before/aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation. My son gets angry with me when his dad has to cover dinner and holidays when I work my consulting job. But I'm trying to keep this job because I can usually cover drop offs, pick ups, and sick days. My son's father can't do mornings, and isn't reliable for afternoons, even with after care. But yes, a full-time job would mean 4 year old is in school/after care for almost 10 hours a day. I can't do that to him, although his dad doesn't appear to be bothered by it.

[Anonymous]

was state government ordered back? I don't think so? My state friends are still hybrid.

Everyone makes sacrifices when they have children. I'm glad you found your balance.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing?

[Anonymous]

We always had full-day daycare. Once the kids were in school, we had before and after school care. Yes it’s a long day for young kids, but they got used to it and loved the after school program. DH and I used leave for sick days, snow days, etc. Just taking care of the kids used most of our leave, so we didn’t take many actual vacations when they were young. Sometimes we hired a neighborhood teenager for part of a snow day.

In your case, if your DH is done at 4pm, seems like he could handle pick up after just a short time in after care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hired help as needed. I didn’t want to be shortsighted and quit a good job over the few years we would need daycare.

+1

It’s a slog but I didn’t want to give up my earning potential, skills, 401k contributions, etc.

But I have been in most days for several years now starting when my kids were in daycare. And I don’t have a spouse so 🤷🏼‍♀️