Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

+100. Me too. We do simple help yourself breakfast, make your own sandwich or salad for lunch, and then a combo of eat out/order in pizza & bushel of crabs for dinner. Other family's house grilled two nights for both households and we in turn funded the pizza and crabs. I am with you OP. No one recalls the "great time we had together cooking" at the beach.

[Anonymous]

I love to cook. The big bonus for me is that my MIL and SIL can’t/don’t cook. So the kitchen is my domain. I sip wine, make the meal, and all the rest of them can do the clean up, men and children included. It keeps me sane because I can use it as an excuse to get away, otherwise, if I so much as pick up a book or scroll through my phone I get grief. Constant grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, in our beach house the biggest cooking fuss is made by the men when they decide to grill.

First there's the Cleaning of the Grill. This takes hours.

Then the debate over which type of charcoal to buy and whether to shove it all to one side and put in a pan of water...

And don't get me started on the marinating.....

This made me giggle. Thanks for that!

[Anonymous]

I’d rather be on the beach too but here are some reasons they may like to be in the kitchen:

-They like to chat and maybe have some mimosas while cooking and everyone leaves them alone
-They don’t want to do too much processed food
-They have allergies that require more cooking from scratch
-Their kids are picky eaters and are still little
-They aren’t huge beach people and are fine in the kitchen
-The kids and spouses get in the way in the kitchen so it’s easier to just say “breakfast is at 9:30. Kitchen closed till lunch.”
-They genuinely enjoy cooking and have been wanting to try recipes.

As long as they don’t hassle you, don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I do zero cooking. My husband cooks for our family, while I do kid prep.

For instance, they're still little enough that I have to get them dressed, brush and braid their hair, brush their teeth, and apply sunblock. He feeds then breakfast. It works out to be roughly equal.

[Anonymous]

Generally women who do this are fat or otherwise self-conscious about their body and don’t want to put on a bathing suit. Or they’re physically inactive and just want to be sitting most of the time. Basically, they want to hide themselves away in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally women who do this are fat or otherwise self-conscious about their body and don’t want to put on a bathing suit. Or they’re physically inactive and just want to be sitting most of the time. Basically, they want to hide themselves away in the kitchen.

ETA: we cook most meals from scratch on vacation, but we do the cooking *after* we’ve had an active day outdoors, just one adult handles it each night while the rest relax or chill with the kids, and we do keep it simple (scrambled eggs not a quiche)

[Anonymous]

When we go to the beach with friends or family, each person / family does one breakfast, one lunch, and one dinner. Then there’s days when we do our own things and grab donuts for breakfast, eat lunch or dinner out, etc.

Some people’s breakfast contribution ends up being a box of cereal and others prepare crab cake Benedict with mimosas and Bloody Marys. The variety is nice (and not always having to plan every meal is better). Some people like to spread out their meal responsibilities, or do a combo. of easy and more complicated.

I’ll admit that I prefer to do my family’s 3 meals all on the same day. I hate sharing a kitchen and despise cleaning up after other people’s cooking. This way I spend an enjoyable day in the kitchen / at the house, cooking what I want to cook. Frankly, time alone is nice. The rest of the week, I’m truly on vacation.

OP, sounds like your family enjoys this. Maybe you could ask about it. Maybe you could contribute in ways that don’t require being chained to the stove. As someone else suggested, bring the drinks, desserts, treat everyone to dinner out, etc.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you suggest take-out for a meal? Or pack some pb&js for your own crew and picnic on the beach while the others make lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

+100. Me too. We do simple help yourself breakfast, make your own sandwich or salad for lunch, and then a combo of eat out/order in pizza & bushel of crabs for dinner. Other family's house grilled two nights for both households and we in turn funded the pizza and crabs. I am with you OP. No one recalls the "great time we had together cooking" at the beach.

Oh how funny…you say “no one,” and yet here I am, with great memories of cooking with my husband’s now deceased-too-soon aunt at the beach. We made a feast, and she always drank a little too much wine. Just the two of us, and everyone loved it and then cleaned up while we sat on the deck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally women who do this are fat or otherwise self-conscious about their body and don’t want to put on a bathing suit. Or they’re physically inactive and just want to be sitting most of the time. Basically, they want to hide themselves away in the kitchen.

Ha, sorry to disappoint! I’m a size 8 and my legit chef friend is model-thin. She makes a mean margarita and unbelievable paella.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

I identify with every word you have written. It is so bad in my family that we no longer go home for Thanksgiving. Kitchen martyrdom is miserable.

It becomes a cycle too where everyone feels they have to participate (like OP) or it looks/feels weird. And can actually detract from time spent together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the family. My in-laws have a rule that every dinner is either carry out or eaten out. families are responsible for their own lunches and breakfasts including cleanup

I like your in-laws!

[Anonymous]

1. All the convenience foods are contributing to obesity especially among children.

2. Women have to quit martyring themselves.

[Anonymous]

That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.