Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Allow me to blow your mind, OP. I like the beach and being outside, but not all damn day. It gets boring after a while. So I *like* leaving DH and the kids and the rest of them on the beach while I go inside, shower, put on a podcast and make a new recipe because *I like to cook.* Wowee, Zowie! People Are Different From You. YAY! THE MORE YOU KNOW!

And BTW my husband cooks and cleans at the beach, too. So does my FIL. So does my BIL. Every adult pitches in. But yeah, I actually like cooking because it pretty much guarantees me some solo time. And then I get to drink more wine while FIL and MIL do clean-up on the nights I cook. Works for me.

You are not the person OP is complaining about. She is talking about the person/people who spend all day in the kitchen sweating and banging pots around while inquiring of the women who are not so into that scene, “so do you EVER cook?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

+1

+2 That sounds really fun to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, in our beach house the biggest cooking fuss is made by the men when they decide to grill.

First there's the Cleaning of the Grill. This takes hours.

Then the debate over which type of charcoal to buy and whether to shove it all to one side and put in a pan of water...

And don't get me started on the marinating.....

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

+1

+2 That sounds really fun to me.

+3 as long as the dads are entertaining the kids, sounds good to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Allow me to blow your mind, OP. I like the beach and being outside, but not all damn day. It gets boring after a while. So I *like* leaving DH and the kids and the rest of them on the beach while I go inside, shower, put on a podcast and make a new recipe because *I like to cook.* Wowee, Zowie! People Are Different From You. YAY! THE MORE YOU KNOW!

And BTW my husband cooks and cleans at the beach, too. So does my FIL. So does my BIL. Every adult pitches in. But yeah, I actually like cooking because it pretty much guarantees me some solo time. And then I get to drink more wine while FIL and MIL do clean-up on the nights I cook. Works for me.

You are not the person OP is complaining about. She is talking about the person/people who spend all day in the kitchen sweating and banging pots around while inquiring of the women who are not so into that scene, “so do you EVER cook?”

So what?!? The answer is no I don’t cook on vacation.

[Anonymous]

I agree, OP. Part of being on vacation is not cooking.

My SIL and I agree on this. We rarely cook. We love eating out or delivery. Our kids are teens+. Old enough to feed themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Allow me to blow your mind, OP. I like the beach and being outside, but not all damn day. It gets boring after a while. So I *like* leaving DH and the kids and the rest of them on the beach while I go inside, shower, put on a podcast and make a new recipe because *I like to cook.* Wowee, Zowie! People Are Different From You. YAY! THE MORE YOU KNOW!

And BTW my husband cooks and cleans at the beach, too. So does my FIL. So does my BIL. Every adult pitches in. But yeah, I actually like cooking because it pretty much guarantees me some solo time. And then I get to drink more wine while FIL and MIL do clean-up on the nights I cook. Works for me.

You are not the person OP is complaining about. She is talking about the person/people who spend all day in the kitchen sweating and banging pots around while inquiring of the women who are not so into that scene, “so do you EVER cook?”

So why doesn’t she go confront them? Complain to them? Challenge THEM? What good does it do to throw generalizations around here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Allow me to blow your mind, OP. I like the beach and being outside, but not all damn day. It gets boring after a while. So I *like* leaving DH and the kids and the rest of them on the beach while I go inside, shower, put on a podcast and make a new recipe because *I like to cook.* Wowee, Zowie! People Are Different From You. YAY! THE MORE YOU KNOW!

And BTW my husband cooks and cleans at the beach, too. So does my FIL. So does my BIL. Every adult pitches in. But yeah, I actually like cooking because it pretty much guarantees me some solo time. And then I get to drink more wine while FIL and MIL do clean-up on the nights I cook. Works for me.

You are not the person OP is complaining about. She is talking about the person/people who spend all day in the kitchen sweating and banging pots around while inquiring of the women who are not so into that scene, “so do you EVER cook?”

Actually, nope. Go reread the post OP wrote that I responded to, the one that starts with: “I guess I’m asking, what makes SILs want to cook every meal from scratch,” directly above.

Answer, and it’s pretty simple: THEY LIKE TO COOK. Lots of people like to cook. Ever notice that there’s a Food Network, The Chew, etc.? Ever notice the dozens of cooking magazines out there? Ever hear of Eataly? People love food, love to cook, love to try new recipes.

Asked and answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

+1

+2 That sounds really fun to me.

+3 as long as the dads are entertaining the kids, sounds good to me.

For every meal, though? I get enjoying preparing dinner with the other women, but every single meal? Spending most of the day in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

+1

+2 That sounds really fun to me.

+3 as long as the dads are entertaining the kids, sounds good to me.

For every meal, though? I get enjoying preparing dinner with the other women, but every single meal? Spending most of the day in the kitchen?

I like spending lots of time in the kitchen or doing chores when I’m around my in-laws because I do not like talking to my in-laws.

Are you starting to get it now, OP? *They don’t like youuuuuuu.*

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you need to get over the idea that because you are a woman, you have to be with the other women doing what those women are doing.

I know that's not always easy - social pressure isn't nothing. But you just get out of it by not doing it. And if they think you should be there, they will get over it (or they won't).

Thank them profusely. Offer to buy everyone dinner a couple of times. Provide plenty of wine, if people are into it. Buy a pie from a local pie place. You can do your fair share without having to be in the kitchen.

I don't get it either. But I hate cooking generally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either OP. I rolled into my beach week this year with frozen homemade meals for 4 nights - we just added bread/rice/pasta and a salad. I also made homemade muffins, coffee cake, granola, and “energy bites” for the week. I use my kids as an excuse - they are well known picky eaters - but by mid-week my MIL exclaimed how nice it was to not fuss over meals.

Okay, you still did the same thing as the ladies in the OP, you just did it ahead of time... If you have a partner, I hoped they helped with all of that.

My husband does all of the packing for vacation - including the kids. I just pack my outfits and makeup. I did all the baking and cooking while listening to a 4 hour work training conference call for a course I take every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either OP. I rolled into my beach week this year with frozen homemade meals for 4 nights - we just added bread/rice/pasta and a salad. I also made homemade muffins, coffee cake, granola, and “energy bites” for the week. I use my kids as an excuse - they are well known picky eaters - but by mid-week my MIL exclaimed how nice it was to not fuss over meals.

Okay, you still did the same thing as the ladies in the OP, you just did it ahead of time... If you have a partner, I hoped they helped with all of that.

My husband does all of the packing for vacation - including the kids. I just pack my outfits and makeup. I did all the baking and cooking while listening to a 4 hour work training conference call for a course I take every year.

NP. You don’t need to defend yourself—plenty of us share the workload with our husbands and don’t feel insecure or defensive about it. I cook and DH cleans; I do laundry and DH packs for trips; each of us manages our own families (gifts, logistics, etc.). There are a thousand ways to divide labor, and as long as it feels fair and comfortable for the married couple, it’s no one else’s business.

For all OP knows, the SILs do the cooking and their husbands do more kid-watching and cleaning. That sounds fair to me. I’d much rather cook and drink wine and listen to music in the kitchen than sit on the beach with DH’s parents, who are frankly very boring people. Nice, but boring.

Mind your own business, OP. If other people are cooking, surely you are finding other ways to help: watching kids, cleaning, buying food, buying wine, whatever. As long as you are contributing to the overall work on the trip, it’s fine. Work on your own insecurity—that’s the real problem.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t ever get this either, OP. I don’t like cooking though. If I did like it I can see why this might be enjoyable. It’s also nice to get a break from the others (spouses, kids) so maybe they enjoy the time w each other while their husbands and kids are not around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I think you need to get over the idea that because you are a woman, you have to be with the other women doing what those women are doing.

I know that's not always easy - social pressure isn't nothing. But you just get out of it by not doing it. And if they think you should be there, they will get over it (or they won't).

Thank them profusely. Offer to buy everyone dinner a couple of times. Provide plenty of wine, if people are into it. Buy a pie from a local pie place. You can do your fair share without having to be in the kitchen.

I don't get it either. But I hate cooking generally.

+1