What’s the dating scene like for a 39 year old, divorced dad of 2 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I can’t see eye to eye on anything. It looks like we’re headed for divorce. I am in good shape and have a good career. I’m ready to jump into dating when it’s over. How are people rebounding? What are the best sites? We’ve been cold to each other for so long, that id rather just learn tips than be scolded for moving on so quickly. Thank you.

OP, if your post is sincere, I would say to take a pause in thinking about dating right away. You haven't even begun the divorce process yet. According to those I know who are divorced, it takes about two years. During this time I would urge you to get family counseling for you and your kids if you have any that are young enough to still live at home. I would also encourage you to get individual therapy to figure out what exactly went wrong in your marriage and how to not make the same mistake in your future relationships.

I would absolutely avoid any man who was only separated and bot fully divorced. And I would block any who was just considering getting divorced. Many people run in the other direction of separated but not divorced people on dating apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duuuuude. Slow the f down. Take a year to work on yourself. You aren't ready to date if you haven't been divorced for a while and spent much time reflecting on why that happened. Dont' inflict yourself on some unsuspecting woman.

Has it occurred to you that sometimes the divorce is the resolution of taking time to reflect on what's been happening?

NP. It occurs to me. But also, having spoken to friends who have gotten divorced, you need a significant time spent outside of the marriage to reflect on one's role in it and to get clarity. Definitely before jumping back into another relationship.

Looking at one couple who divorced, the ex husband began another relationship about five months into the separation. By the time they divorced (which took two years from start of separation), he was living with his GF and had a new baby girl with her. His wife had divorced him mainly because he had left all the household and parenting duties to her. Maybe he has radically changed and become very responsible, maybe he has found someone very easy going who is willing to pick up all of the slack. But I personally think he should've waited a bit before jumping right back into the deep end. By all reports his GF is very much like his ex in personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duuuuude. Slow the f down. Take a year to work on yourself. You aren't ready to date if you haven't been divorced for a while and spent much time reflecting on why that happened. Dont' inflict yourself on some unsuspecting woman.

Has it occurred to you that sometimes the divorce is the resolution of taking time to reflect on what's been happening?

NP. It occurs to me. But also, having spoken to friends who have gotten divorced, you need a significant time spent outside of the marriage to reflect on one's role in it and to get clarity. Definitely before jumping back into another relationship.

Looking at one couple who divorced, the ex husband began another relationship about five months into the separation. By the time they divorced (which took two years from start of separation), he was living with his GF and had a new baby girl with her. His wife had divorced him mainly because he had left all the household and parenting duties to her. Maybe he has radically changed and become very responsible, maybe he has found someone very easy going who is willing to pick up all of the slack. But I personally think he should've waited a bit before jumping right back into the deep end. By all reports his GF is very much like his ex in personality.

I think OP needs time to reflect but divorce is varied. Many people do not need any time to reflect because the marriage was over many years before the divorce process even began. People sometimes stay in bad marriages for years. By the time a divorce begins, in those cases, it was long over and both spouses know exactly what happened. I wanted out early in my marriage...very early. It was a mistake. Everyone said to stay. I was married 10 long miserable years. It was over before year 1. I did not need time to reflect. Not everyone needs time if it was dead long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I can’t see eye to eye on anything. It looks like we’re headed for divorce. I am in good shape and have a good career. I’m ready to jump into dating when it’s over. How are people rebounding? What are the best sites? We’ve been cold to each other for so long, that id rather just learn tips than be scolded for moving on so quickly. Thank you.

OP, if your post is sincere, I would say to take a pause in thinking about dating right away. You haven't even begun the divorce process yet. According to those I know who are divorced, it takes about two years. During this time I would urge you to get family counseling for you and your kids if you have any that are young enough to still live at home. I would also encourage you to get individual therapy to figure out what exactly went wrong in your marriage and how to not make the same mistake in your future relationships.

I would absolutely avoid any man who was only separated and bot fully divorced. And I would block any who was just considering getting divorced. Many people run in the other direction of separated but not divorced people on dating apps.

NP: This was my experience and it was dumb. Not everyone is dating with a view to marriage etc plus it’s clear that having a legal document indicating that you’re officially divorced doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done the magical ‘work’ that some people have as a requirement.

[Anonymous]

I dated while separated. Had a pregnancy scare. That was fun in the middle of divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Divorced 43 yo dad here with two daughters aged 13 and 10. Make 90k working at a wll known non profit, 5 ft 8, good shape, all my hair.

I've had my pick of the litter with any woman 35-40. Not interested in women older than I am, but I could have any of them if I wanted.

The playing field is 100% to your advantage right now.

Take care of yourself.

Wow. I am surprised by this, but good for you. Like you, the OP will do fine.
I am a divorced woman your age (look younger), same height as you, make a little more than you, with two kids younger than yours. I date never-married late 30s men. I don't date divorced men with kids in their 40s or older. I am not interested in remarrying. If I was, I would date divorced dads, but I'm not.

LOL. "never married" late 30s dudes are either gay, married, or just using you. If you think anyone believes that single, attractive, available 36 yo old men are going for 43 yo divorcees with the added hassle of a couple crotch goblens and an ex husband to deal with, then you're the definition of delusional.

I can assure you they are not gay or married. Who I have seen are married to their careers. They literally work 70+ hours a week. No one needs to deal with my kids or ex-husband. Not sure you understand....I am not looking to remarry. Having a fun boyfriend is perfectly fine for me. I felt very used in my marriage. I do not feel used now.

It was very kind of you to respond to the poster who mansplained your own relationships to you

+1
And the contempt! 'crotch goblens'? My auto-correct won't even allow it. And the ridiculous assumption that a 43 y/o divorcee would give a rip about marriage, or would let herself be used!

Umm, you're quoting a woamn who jut posted that she felt used in her marriage.

I don't see those as contradictory. Live and learn. Marriage can still a bit of an exploitative set up and I can guess why she felt used (see all the threads on chores and all the threads on conjugal duties). She's the heck out of that, and it would be a ridiculous assumption to think all she wants out of life is to jump right back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're in shape and make good money and have some semblance of a personality it is not that hard to date and establish long term relationships with girls in their late 20s.

Yeah, no.

And stop calling women girls.

[Anonymous]

When I was single in my twenties, I would have thought you were way too old. When I was single in my thirties, I would have preferred a man without kids because I wanted my own. Now I’m in my forties and I see no point in dating a man with kids unless they’re grown.

You might have more luck with women who are also divorced with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're in shape and make good money and have some semblance of a personality it is not that hard to date and establish long term relationships with girls in their late 20s.

Yeah, no.

And stop calling women girls.

It's a pet peeve when men use the term girls and tends to mean they're 5-10 years older than I am (40).

But for many of us it is surprisingly easy to date women in their 230s as online dating apps already sort out who is open to such a relationship. The women with zero interest (most, I assume) don't even hit my radar.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Divorced 43 yo dad here with two daughters aged 13 and 10. Make 90k working at a wll known non profit, 5 ft 8, good shape, all my hair.

I've had my pick of the litter with any woman 35-40. Not interested in women older than I am, but I could have any of them if I wanted.

The playing field is 100% to your advantage right now.

Take care of yourself.

Wow. I am surprised by this, but good for you. Like you, the OP will do fine.
I am a divorced woman your age (look younger), same height as you, make a little more than you, with two kids younger than yours. I date never-married late 30s men. I don't date divorced men with kids in their 40s or older. I am not interested in remarrying. If I was, I would date divorced dads, but I'm not.

LOL. "never married" late 30s dudes are either gay, married, or just using you. If you think anyone believes that single, attractive, available 36 yo old men are going for 43 yo divorcees with the added hassle of a couple crotch goblens and an ex husband to deal with, then you're the definition of delusional.

I can assure you they are not gay or married. Who I have seen are married to their careers. They literally work 70+ hours a week. No one needs to deal with my kids or ex-husband. Not sure you understand....I am not looking to remarry. Having a fun boyfriend is perfectly fine for me. I felt very used in my marriage. I do not feel used now.

It was very kind of you to respond to the poster who mansplained your own relationships to you

+1
And the contempt! 'crotch goblens'? My auto-correct won't even allow it. And the ridiculous assumption that a 43 y/o divorcee would give a rip about marriage, or would let herself be used!

Umm, you're quoting a woamn who jut posted that she felt used in her marriage.

I don't see those as contradictory. Live and learn. Marriage can still a bit of an exploitative set up and I can guess why she felt used (see all the threads on chores and all the threads on conjugal duties). She's the heck out of that, and it would be a ridiculous assumption to think all she wants out of life is to jump right back in.

Thanks. I am the poster who said I felt used. You get it. Someone else seems to find this unbelieveable, but I felt completely used in my marriage. It was not what I signed up for. It was not a normal relationship in anyway and lacked both love and respect. Hence, a divorce. I was used for being another source of income and used to make children (look up reproductive coercion) despite the agreement not to have kids before marriage. Literally, I was a wallet, uterus, and maid. And it was devoid of sex and affection except when he decided he wanted to impregnate me. So...yeah, I was totally used and would never ever get married again. Having a fun boyfriend who wants to be with me for ME and not what I can do FOR HIM and for HIS IMAGE is far better than marriage in my experience. I am happily single, which is a great relief from a horrible marriage I finally managed to get out of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced 43 yo dad here with two daughters aged 13 and 10. Make 90k working at a wll known non profit, 5 ft 8, good shape, all my hair.

I've had my pick of the litter with any woman 35-40. Not interested in women older than I am, but I could have any of them if I wanted.

The playing field is 100% to your advantage right now.

Take care of yourself.

Wow. I am surprised by this, but good for you. Like you, the OP will do fine.
I am a divorced woman your age (look younger), same height as you, make a little more than you, with two kids younger than yours. I date never-married late 30s men. I don't date divorced men with kids in their 40s or older. I am not interested in remarrying. If I was, I would date divorced dads, but I'm not.

Don't be, PP: he's making it up to seem cool on the internet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced 43 yo dad here with two daughters aged 13 and 10. Make 90k working at a wll known non profit, 5 ft 8, good shape, all my hair.

I've had my pick of the litter with any woman 35-40. Not interested in women older than I am, but I could have any of them if I wanted.

The playing field is 100% to your advantage right now.

Take care of yourself.

Wow. I am surprised by this, but good for you. Like you, the OP will do fine.
I am a divorced woman your age (look younger), same height as you, make a little more than you, with two kids younger than yours. I date never-married late 30s men. I don't date divorced men with kids in their 40s or older. I am not interested in remarrying. If I was, I would date divorced dads, but I'm not.

LOL. "never married" late 30s dudes are either gay, married, or just using you. If you think anyone believes that single, attractive, available 36 yo old men are going for 43 yo divorcees with the added hassle of a couple crotch goblens and an ex husband to deal with, then you're the definition of delusional.

I can assure you they are not gay or married. Who I have seen are married to their careers. They literally work 70+ hours a week. No one needs to deal with my kids or ex-husband. Not sure you understand....I am not looking to remarry. Having a fun boyfriend is perfectly fine for me. I felt very used in my marriage. I do not feel used now.

It was very kind of you to respond to the poster who mansplained your own relationships to you

+1
And the contempt! 'crotch goblens'? My auto-correct won't even allow it. And the ridiculous assumption that a 43 y/o divorcee would give a rip about marriage, or would let herself be used!

Umm, you're quoting a woamn who jut posted that she felt used in her marriage.

I don't see those as contradictory. Live and learn. Marriage can still a bit of an exploitative set up and I can guess why she felt used (see all the threads on chores and all the threads on conjugal duties). She's the heck out of that, and it would be a ridiculous assumption to think all she wants out of life is to jump right back in.

Thanks. I am the poster who said I felt used. You get it. Someone else seems to find this unbelieveable, but I felt completely used in my marriage. It was not what I signed up for. It was not a normal relationship in anyway and lacked both love and respect. Hence, a divorce. I was used for being another source of income and used to make children (look up reproductive coercion) despite the agreement not to have kids before marriage. Literally, I was a wallet, uterus, and maid. And it was devoid of sex and affection except when he decided he wanted to impregnate me. So...yeah, I was totally used and would never ever get married again. Having a fun boyfriend who wants to be with me for ME and not what I can do FOR HIM and for HIS IMAGE is far better than marriage in my experience. I am happily single, which is a great relief from a horrible marriage I finally managed to get out of.

DP here. I'm sorry that happened to you, PP. I'm glad to hear that you got out and are treating yourself better. You deserved better than what you got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was single in my twenties, I would have thought you were way too old. When I was single in my thirties, I would have preferred a man without kids because I wanted my own. Now I’m in my forties and I see no point in dating a man with kids unless they’re grown.

You might have more luck with women who are also divorced with kids.

This. The type of childless women in their 20's who would date a divorced guy with kids in his late 30's+ are generally not desirable to quality single men their own age. No way would my friends or I have ever considered dating any guy like this when we were in our 20's, Even 39 without the divorce or kids just seemed so old back then. So maybe the posters claiming they have relationships with women in their 20's aren't lying (maybe), but they're not women that most eligible men in their 20's would ever want.

[Anonymous]

They are baggage. I am a woman and I also think the same. I have kids. Let's not be delusional thinking they aren't baggage. They are.

Hi there, mommy. Did your parents think you were baggage? They were right.

You prove it every time you give your kids the impression that they are not worth as much as the (likely many) men you are with on regular basis. Sadly, you are the baggage that your kids will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

No need to clutch any pearls here. If you think kids are baggage and you do not have any you are doing the world a favor by avoiding parenthood. The worst part is that your parents should have followed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced 43 yo dad here with two daughters aged 13 and 10. Make 90k working at a wll known non profit, 5 ft 8, good shape, all my hair.

I've had my pick of the litter with any woman 35-40. Not interested in women older than I am, but I could have any of them if I wanted.

The playing field is 100% to your advantage right now.

Take care of yourself.

Wow. I am surprised by this, but good for you. Like you, the OP will do fine.
I am a divorced woman your age (look younger), same height as you, make a little more than you, with two kids younger than yours. I date never-married late 30s men. I don't date divorced men with kids in their 40s or older. I am not interested in remarrying. If I was, I would date divorced dads, but I'm not.

LOL. "never married" late 30s dudes are either gay, married, or just using you. If you think anyone believes that single, attractive, available 36 yo old men are going for 43 yo divorcees with the added hassle of a couple crotch goblens and an ex husband to deal with, then you're the definition of delusional.

I can assure you they are not gay or married. Who I have seen are married to their careers. They literally work 70+ hours a week. No one needs to deal with my kids or ex-husband. Not sure you understand....I am not looking to remarry. Having a fun boyfriend is perfectly fine for me. I felt very used in my marriage. I do not feel used now.

It was very kind of you to respond to the poster who mansplained your own relationships to you

+1
And the contempt! 'crotch goblens'? My auto-correct won't even allow it. And the ridiculous assumption that a 43 y/o divorcee would give a rip about marriage, or would let herself be used!

Umm, you're quoting a woamn who jut posted that she felt used in her marriage.

I don't see those as contradictory. Live and learn. Marriage can still a bit of an exploitative set up and I can guess why she felt used (see all the threads on chores and all the threads on conjugal duties). She's the heck out of that, and it would be a ridiculous assumption to think all she wants out of life is to jump right back in.

Thanks. I am the poster who said I felt used. You get it. Someone else seems to find this unbelieveable, but I felt completely used in my marriage. It was not what I signed up for. It was not a normal relationship in anyway and lacked both love and respect. Hence, a divorce. I was used for being another source of income and used to make children (look up reproductive coercion) despite the agreement not to have kids before marriage. Literally, I was a wallet, uterus, and maid. And it was devoid of sex and affection except when he decided he wanted to impregnate me. So...yeah, I was totally used and would never ever get married again. Having a fun boyfriend who wants to be with me for ME and not what I can do FOR HIM and for HIS IMAGE is far better than marriage in my experience. I am happily single, which is a great relief from a horrible marriage I finally managed to get out of.

Thi is where this forum shows the psychos that vists.

I am the PP, not you. And I felt used in a completely different manner than you explained while trying to co opt my identity. You are a freak.