Reply to What’s the dating scene like for a 39 year old, divorced dad of 2 kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Duuuuude. Slow the f down. Take a year to work on yourself. You aren't ready to date if you haven't been divorced for a while and spent much time reflecting on why that happened. Dont' inflict yourself on some unsuspecting woman.[/quote]

Has it occurred to you that sometimes the divorce is the resolution of taking time to reflect on what's been happening?[/quote]

NP. It occurs to me. But also, having spoken to friends who have gotten divorced, you need a significant time spent outside of the marriage to reflect on one's role in it and to get clarity. Definitely before jumping back into another relationship.

Looking at one couple who divorced, the ex husband began another relationship about five months into the separation. By the time they divorced (which took two years from start of separation), he was living with his GF and had a new baby girl with her. His wife had divorced him mainly because he had left all the household and parenting duties to her. Maybe he has radically changed and become very responsible, maybe he has found someone very easy going who is willing to pick up all of the slack. But I personally think he should've waited a bit before jumping right back into the deep end. By all reports his GF is very much like his ex in personality.[/quote]

I think OP needs time to reflect but divorce is varied. Many people do not need any time to reflect because the marriage was over many years before the divorce process even began. People sometimes stay in bad marriages for years. By the time a divorce begins, in those cases, it was long over and both spouses know exactly what happened. I wanted out early in my marriage...very early. It was a mistake. Everyone said to stay. I was married 10 long miserable years. It was over before year 1. I did not need time to reflect. Not everyone needs time if it was dead long ago.[/quote]

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