Started seeing this new guy. Overhead him on the phone say “I don’t hate her. It’s not like that”?

[Anonymous]

You are good enough for now, but not "the one." You are temporary. If not okay with that or the drama, then move along.

[Anonymous]

I think OP has issues.

You said yourself Michelle is a very common name. I have a group email with 15 people and 2 are named Michele and 1 has a middle name if Michelle!

If you want to get serious you do not show your crazy hand. OP, Someone phone rings and you see the name pop up, upside down, and read it!? And then jump to conclusions!! You eavesdrop and then demanded him explain part of a one-sided conversation he had!? And No wonder he just looked at you. You are not even his girlfriend; what kind of snooping Karen will you then be? If this guy liked you, you may have turned him Off. He is writing his own thread and getting the response of “red crazy gf flags. Run!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has issues.

You said yourself Michelle is a very common name. I have a group email with 15 people and 2 are named Michele and 1 has a middle name if Michelle!

If you want to get serious you do not show your crazy hand. OP, Someone phone rings and you see the name pop up, upside down, and read it!? And then jump to conclusions!! You eavesdrop and then demanded him explain part of a one-sided conversation he had!? And No wonder he just looked at you. You are not even his girlfriend; what kind of snooping Karen will you then be? If this guy liked you, you may have turned him Off. He is writing his own thread and getting the response of “red crazy gf flags. Run!!”

Geez, how many tired tropes can you fit in 1 paragraph?. It's 2021 women who know their worth isn't sitting around worried about making a guy uncomfortable worried about appearing crazy is out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has issues.

You said yourself Michelle is a very common name. I have a group email with 15 people and 2 are named Michele and 1 has a middle name if Michelle!

If you want to get serious you do not show your crazy hand. OP, Someone phone rings and you see the name pop up, upside down, and read it!? And then jump to conclusions!! You eavesdrop and then demanded him explain part of a one-sided conversation he had!? And No wonder he just looked at you. You are not even his girlfriend; what kind of snooping Karen will you then be? If this guy liked you, you may have turned him Off. He is writing his own thread and getting the response of “red crazy gf flags. Run!!”

However, Op was right. It was his ex and they were talking about her. The red flag is him talking to his ex while on a date with OP.

[Anonymous]

OP it all comes down to what you want out of this relationship. If you want causal times, seems like you could continue to chug along. But if you want peace and assurances that you two are on track to be exclusive, the writing is in the wall that this relationship brings drama and uncertainty. Up to you to decide what you want to do about it. It’s disappointing when things aren’t shaping up as you’d hoped, but better to face reality head on than to drag things out if this situation is not what you’re looking for in your life.

[Anonymous]

He’s probably talking about you. But if I were talking to my ex, I would downplay any new relationship. And I could see saying I don’t hate her as sort of an indication that I in fact like someone. The ‘it’s not like that’ could refer to a million different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg don’t freak out about this and ruin things. Seriously, I wouldn’t have even brought it up to him, but now you have to try to act like it’s not a big deal.

I had a serious ex who I stayed in touch with for many many years, and often we’d joke with each other about the people we were seeing. I remember when I takes to him about the guy I’m now married to (for 15 years, we have 3 kids and are super happy), and my ex tried to make some jokes about how lame he must be, and I had to tell him to stop etc.

Perhaps you were overhearing a similar conversation? BUT if my now DH had freaked out over my ex - who is still someone I’m in touch with, and he’s also happily married with kids - I’d have been totally turns off. Jealousy and paranoia don’t look good on anyone.

You could turn this into a conversation about how you want to be exclusive, but don’t act super freaked out about what you heard!

Yeah no

You have boundary issues

No, I’m just a grown adult who recognizes that my DH had serious relationships before me, and he knows I did before him. We fully trust and love each other, our marriage is solid, and we are ok with the other maintaining contact with our exes.

Being paranoid about these things strikes me as wildly immature, and I’m sympathetic to that immaturity when one is in the beginning stages of a relationship and feeling exposed and insecure, but at a certain point a relationship becomes strong enough that talking about or to exes becomes no big deal.

My DH knows I always thought (when I was young) I would eventually get back together with my ex and marry him. He also knows once I met him (my DH) everything changed and I could not be more grateful. We’ve been married over a decade and are still totally in love so no insecurities here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s probably talking about you. But if I were talking to my ex, I would downplay any new relationship. And I could see saying I don’t hate her as sort of an indication that I in fact like someone. The ‘it’s not like that’ could refer to a million different things.

Why would you feel the need to downplay a relationship to an ex though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s probably talking about you. But if I were talking to my ex, I would downplay any new relationship. And I could see saying I don’t hate her as sort of an indication that I in fact like someone. The ‘it’s not like that’ could refer to a million different things.

Why would you feel the need to downplay a relationship to an ex though?

This.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

No, I’m not. He and I both live in NoVa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

No, I’m not. He and I both live in NoVa.

I think you’d advise your friend if this was her situation to drop him or to honestly ask where this is going and decide from there. Are you biased bc he’s a doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

+1 same poster who reeeaaally wanted to overlook the red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

No, I’m not. He and I both live in NoVa.

I think you’d advise your friend if this was her situation to drop him or to honestly ask where this is going and decide from there. Are you biased bc he’s a doctor?

Drop him for what? As another PP said he was simply downplaying to his that he likes her by saying “I don’t hate her”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you the Valentine’s Day poster that flew to Atlanta to be with this guy, drove a second time to see him, and most recently saw him while he was visiting his family for Mother’s Day? Was this a convo overheard during his visit here?

If so — c’mon.

No, I’m not. He and I both live in NoVa.

I think you’d advise your friend if this was her situation to drop him or to honestly ask where this is going and decide from there. Are you biased bc he’s a doctor?

Drop him for what? As another PP said he was simply downplaying to his that he likes her by saying “I don’t hate her”.

I’m going to say something that may sound insensitive but I don’t want to be. I don’t like the term. But this is what comes to mind from his response:

Sloppy Seconds.


I’m good without that.