Started seeing this new guy. Overhead him on the phone say “I don’t hate her. It’s not like that”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to ask him about it. You weren’t snooping or deliberately eavesdropping, you inadvertently overheard a part of the conversation while getting your jacket. If he gets angry about that, then he is not a good guy. But he is the only one who knows what that conversation was about, so he is he only one who might be able to give you the comfort you’re looking for.

Well I just called him on FaceTime and told him I went to get my jacket and heard him on the phone. Asked if it was his ex and if they were discussing me. He just looked me. I asked again and said he just needed to tell me. He said yes it was his ex that called and yes “her” was referring to me. I asked what did his response mean and before he could answer his emergency pager went off for work since he’s on call tonight
So I’ll probably have to wait tomorrow night to find out what he meant.

Now that I know it was his ex and they were referring to me what could his response to her having feelings for me, “I don’t hate her. It’s not like that” mean?

Or what he tells you that he meant. He has another whole day to put that story together.

By you saying he’ll have to time to “put a story together” I’m assuming you believe what he said was not positive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to ask him about it. You weren’t snooping or deliberately eavesdropping, you inadvertently overheard a part of the conversation while getting your jacket. If he gets angry about that, then he is not a good guy. But he is the only one who knows what that conversation was about, so he is he only one who might be able to give you the comfort you’re looking for.

Well I just called him on FaceTime and told him I went to get my jacket and heard him on the phone. Asked if it was his ex and if they were discussing me. He just looked me. I asked again and said he just needed to tell me. He said yes it was his ex that called and yes “her” was referring to me. I asked what did his response mean and before he could answer his emergency pager went off for work since he’s on call tonight
So I’ll probably have to wait tomorrow night to find out what he meant.

Now that I know it was his ex and they were referring to me what could his response to her having feelings for me, “I don’t hate her. It’s not like that” mean?

Or what he tells you that he meant. He has another whole day to put that story together.

By you saying he’ll have to time to “put a story together” I’m assuming you believe what he said was not positive?

I don't have an opinion on what he said. But if he doesn't want to tell you the truth for whatever reason, he will come up with something else. He's not being put on the spot anymore.

[Anonymous]

Omg don’t freak out about this and ruin things. Seriously, I wouldn’t have even brought it up to him, but now you have to try to act like it’s not a big deal.

I had a serious ex who I stayed in touch with for many many years, and often we’d joke with each other about the people we were seeing. I remember when I takes to him about the guy I’m now married to (for 15 years, we have 3 kids and are super happy), and my ex tried to make some jokes about how lame he must be, and I had to tell him to stop etc.

Perhaps you were overhearing a similar conversation? BUT if my now DH had freaked out over my ex - who is still someone I’m in touch with, and he’s also happily married with kids - I’d have been totally turns off. Jealousy and paranoia don’t look good on anyone.

You could turn this into a conversation about how you want to be exclusive, but don’t act super freaked out about what you heard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to ask him about it. You weren’t snooping or deliberately eavesdropping, you inadvertently overheard a part of the conversation while getting your jacket. If he gets angry about that, then he is not a good guy. But he is the only one who knows what that conversation was about, so he is he only one who might be able to give you the comfort you’re looking for.

Well I just called him on FaceTime and told him I went to get my jacket and heard him on the phone. Asked if it was his ex and if they were discussing me. He just looked me. I asked again and said he just needed to tell me. He said yes it was his ex that called and yes “her” was referring to me. I asked what did his response mean and before he could answer his emergency pager went off for work since he’s on call tonight
So I’ll probably have to wait tomorrow night to find out what he meant.

Now that I know it was his ex and they were referring to me what could his response to her having feelings for me, “I don’t hate her. It’s not like that” mean?

Girl get some self-respect and drop him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg don’t freak out about this and ruin things. Seriously, I wouldn’t have even brought it up to him, but now you have to try to act like it’s not a big deal.

I had a serious ex who I stayed in touch with for many many years, and often we’d joke with each other about the people we were seeing. I remember when I takes to him about the guy I’m now married to (for 15 years, we have 3 kids and are super happy), and my ex tried to make some jokes about how lame he must be, and I had to tell him to stop etc.

Perhaps you were overhearing a similar conversation? BUT if my now DH had freaked out over my ex - who is still someone I’m in touch with, and he’s also happily married with kids - I’d have been totally turns off. Jealousy and paranoia don’t look good on anyone.

You could turn this into a conversation about how you want to be exclusive, but don’t act super freaked out about what you heard!

You should get some self respec too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg don’t freak out about this and ruin things. Seriously, I wouldn’t have even brought it up to him, but now you have to try to act like it’s not a big deal.

I had a serious ex who I stayed in touch with for many many years, and often we’d joke with each other about the people we were seeing. I remember when I takes to him about the guy I’m now married to (for 15 years, we have 3 kids and are super happy), and my ex tried to make some jokes about how lame he must be, and I had to tell him to stop etc.

Perhaps you were overhearing a similar conversation? BUT if my now DH had freaked out over my ex - who is still someone I’m in touch with, and he’s also happily married with kids - I’d have been totally turns off. Jealousy and paranoia don’t look good on anyone.

You could turn this into a conversation about how you want to be exclusive, but don’t act super freaked out about what you heard!

Did you also take calls from your ex while on a date with your DH? Talk about a huge turn off for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He picked up a call from his ex while on a date with you, not a good sign.

Bingo! This guy knows what he's doing he's testing OP to see what kind of BS she'll put up with.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and the pager going off in the middle of a difficult conversation? Hmmm, convenient. (Who uses a pager these days, for that matter?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He picked up a call from his ex while on a date with you, not a good sign.

Bingo! This guy knows what he's doing he's testing OP to see what kind of BS she'll put up with.

A group outing is hardly a date...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and the pager going off in the middle of a difficult conversation? Hmmm, convenient. (Who uses a pager these days, for that matter?)

Doctors who are on call do...and OPs guy is a doctor

[Anonymous]

How are you confused by this? They’re obviously talking about you. Im guessing Michelle asked “are you in love with her”
He played it both ways said “I don’t hate her” and then pause and clarify that he’s not in love with you “it’s not like that”

Ditch him he’s obviously in love still with his ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and the pager going off in the middle of a difficult conversation? Hmmm, convenient. (Who uses a pager these days, for that matter?)

Doctors who are on call do...and OPs guy is a doctor

Where does it say he's a doctor? Lots of other jobs require being on call for emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He picked up a call from his ex while on a date with you, not a good sign.

Bingo! This guy knows what he's doing he's testing OP to see what kind of BS she'll put up with.

A group outing is hardly a date...

HIs attention should have been focused on OP an dthe people he was with unless he has a child with her he has no reason to be answering calls from his ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and the pager going off in the middle of a difficult conversation? Hmmm, convenient. (Who uses a pager these days, for that matter?)

Doctors who are on call do...and OPs guy is a doctor

Where does OP say he's a doctor? Doctors don't even use pager anymore.

[Anonymous]

He's on a date with OP. He should not have picked up the call with an "ex", because that's discourteous. And then he compounds it when there was a chance one of the other people might wander past while he's discussing his relationship with OP within earshot? Good grief. It's bad enough OP overheard, it would be humiliating if someone else overheard. That is completely inappropriate. I'd dump his sorry ass.